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🕑 Added 2024-01-06 18:30:01 +0000 UTC
WASHINGTON — Republican lawmakers today broke ground on a new memorial to not commemorate the insurrection riots that took place in and around the Capitol Building on January 6th, 2021, multiple self-described American patriots confirmed.
“Today, we unveil a memorial in honor of an event that we can’t really recall even happening,” said Senator Rand Paul from the alleyway behind a Waffle House. “The events of that day are undoubtedly vague in all of our collective memories as a nation. I think maybe it was cold that day and cloudy? Can’t recall much else myself, tried looking at my daily calendar and there wasn’t much to speak of. I think the Eagles were playing the Cowboys that Saturday, who can really say?” continued Paul while looking at his phone and walking back to his motorcade. “With this monument, we can ensure that January 6th, 2021 is a day we certainly will never remember and we can all stop talking about it now and forever.”
Some supporters of former President Trump say they are excited to visit the memorial once it is completed to relive a date that for them does not in any way bring up painful memories.
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to them being done building that memorial so I can visit and not pay my respect,” said Frank Dunlap. “I seen [sic] that they will be selling shirts and flags that say ‘Never Remember 1/6‘ printed on them, and I think it’s important for everybody in the country, led by President Trump, to continue to not remember what happened on that day three, or five, or ten years ago or whatever the liberal media would have you believe. I was at the Capitol that day and I honestly don’t remember anything happening, business as usual.”
Political analyst Morgan Lewski says the memorial shows signs that unbelievably there may in fact be a divide in the country on what is actually reality that runs along political lines.
“As shocking as it may sound, I believe we may have two sides of the political spectrum in this country who don’t agree on some things, especially the concept of observable truth,” said Lewski. “On the one hand, you have reasonable people who saw what happened that day and actually remember, and on the other, you have right-wing nutjobs who would love to just talk about anything else. Personally, I say we go with the Right’s perspective. We’re all fucked anyway so we might as well get weird and invent our own reality.”
At press time, witnesses claim to have seen members of Trump’s staff placing boxes of classified documents into the hole dug for the monument.
Comments
Mistercenzo
Rand in an alleyway behind a Waffle House is exactly where he belongs. Chef’s kiss!
