thehardtimes
patreon
🕑 Added 2024-01-10 13:00:09 +0000 UTC
SACRAMENTO, Calif — Several Attendees of the Montgomery High School Class of ‘03 Reunion were left baffled when the night suddenly turned into a collection of realtors presenting properties they had for sale within the area, sources looking over their finances claim.
“I was grabbing a drink and catching up with my old fling Carla Flores and the next thing I know I’m signed up to attend two open houses and some first-time home buyer education thingy tomorrow,” said Dan Mathews, Montgomery ‘03 grad. “I’d never move back to this shithole town. I was just trying to rekindle the magic and get her number, but she insisted I check out this mid-century bungalow in an up-and-coming neighborhood just 40 miles from downtown. I’m in no position to buy a home, but it was nice just to have her pay attention to me again.
Event Organizer and Montgomery HS ‘03 alum, Allison Albrecht, was pleased with the turnout and happy to catch up with old friends.
“I got to see my old cheer squad and yearbook crew; it was even great to see what some of my old boyfriends are up to these days,” she bubbled. “I was able to link Auston Bronde with my lender since he’s trying to refi, and I got Danny Wilson to come take a look at a modest three bedroom two bath on Lakeview early tomorrow morning that would be perfect for him. He was so excited he signed up for my seminar about navigating banks and mortgage loans. It sounds promising!”
“Sure, my methods have been perceived as questionable, maybe even unethical, but I’m putting people in homes!” she touted. “You don’t get Coldwell Bankers’ #1 North of the Feather River title for letting opportunities like this pass you by.”
For Event Coordinators like Rebecca Skaggs, integrating real estate strategies into private events is a trend she only sees accelerating.
“To these people, everyone looks like a potential buyer. Nothing is sacred to them,” said Skaggs. “Last week an agent approached me about connecting with him to use open houses as wedding venues. I’ve even had offers for funerals! They’re just so abysmally shameless that it’s kind of impressive. A woman from Sotheby’s reached out to me to see if I could coordinate a parade to pass through a neighborhood where she has seven listings. I mean, it’s exploitative and unscrupulous, but you almost have to tip your hat to them.”
At the time of press, Albrecht presented Mathews with the “Most Likely to Close on a Modest Starter Home” award during the class superlatives ceremony.
Article by Tim Mehew.
Comments
Race Ragsdale
Y’all know that people going to their 20th high school reunion are in their 30s, right?
