thehardtimes
patreon
🕑 Added 2024-01-17 17:00:11 +0000 UTC
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Florida’s state legislature is once again making waves nationwide after changing their official state bird from the Northern mockingbird to a parrot they taught to say the N-word as their bird representative, confused, but not surprised, sources confirmed.
“This bird is one of the smartest birds I have ever encountered,” stated Florida Governor Ron Desantis. “Parrots are some of the only birds that are unwilling to give into the woke mind virus that corrupts those other loonie birds also known as Democrats. It is constantly speaking its mind and I think does well to represent the good people of Florida that I actually pretend to care about. And yes some people might claim that it’s racist for us to do this, but the parrot has red feathers which I think technically makes it a bird of color or something thus giving it the N-word pass.”
The Republican-controlled legislature expressed how giddy they were to officially make this change.
“When this parrot first flew into our legislative halls we thought it needed to be removed quicker than a Mexican migrant from our state because they’re both invasive species as far as I’m concerned,” said Florida House Speaker Paul Renner. “However, after failing to catch the bird for hours on end we sort of put up with it. Eventually it started to pick up on some of the phrases it heard us saying and pretty soon it was dropping more hard R’s than an episode of ‘Sesame Street’ if it was directed by Ben Shapiro. It was the funniest thing ever and we knew we had to make this our state bird.”
Florida State professor of Ornithology Robin Barns was less than excited to hear about the change that was being made here.
“You know for a group of people who constantly complain about ‘destroying history’ they sure seemed to have no issue changing the state bird when it advanced a racist agenda,” said Barns quite peeved. “This honestly feels like an act of animal cruelty because unlike what Mr. Desantis has said, these birds don’t actually know the meanings of the words they’re saying and aren’t ‘speaking their minds.’ I mean if I taught a parrot to say ‘Ron Desantis wears high heels and drinks his own piss’ then he’d probably put it on trial and give it the death penalty. This parrot’s ‘free speech’ is sure to be limited to only phrases they agree with.”
At press time, it was shown that the Florida legislature had set a trend as the people of Scottsdale, Arizona elected a dog that only barks at black people as their mayor.
Article by Stephen Bell.
