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🕑 Added 2024-01-19 17:00:12 +0000 UTC
SAN DIEGO — Tax preparation software giant TurboTax announced a new feature that shows users exactly how much of their tax dollars are going to fund a war machine currently perpetrating genocide in Gaza, representatives confirmed.
“We understand a lot of people are frustrated about high taxes, often clenching their fists and screaming ‘What am I even paying for?’ when they see how much money is taken out of their paycheck. That’s where we come in. Our new Blood Calculator™ uses a proprietary algorithm to detail how every dollar you are taxed goes to build a new bomb or drone,” said TurboTax representative Alisha Omari. “And that’s just the free version. For an additional $99 our upgraded package will actually show you photos of the devastation your tax dollars funded that you won’t see anywhere in the media.”
Self-proclaimed conservative Alex Grunnel says he is excited to try the new software.
“I drive down the road and I see all these potholes, bridges falling apart, and trash everywhere and then I’m expected to fork over 25% of my income willingly? I won’t lie, it makes me think this country isn’t that great. And it kills me to say that because I love the flag more than I love my own daughters,” said Grunnel. “But now I’ll get to see the beautiful bombs America so graciously donates to countries we deem worthy so they can absolutely obliterate their enemies without any oversight or repercussions. This might be the first time I’ve looked forward to paying taxes.”
Tamanna Krish, a CPA based in Boston, says competing against corporate tax preparers is getting more difficult.
“When people come to me to do their taxes I don’t have access to Defense Department spending numbers so I can’t give them the same detailed explanation of how their money is being used to kill civilians seeking safety,” said Krish. “H&R Block just rolled out a new feature that shows clients how their taxes fund local police departments and that means H&R Block can basically corner the middle-aged white man market. A lot of my clients tend to be a bit more progressive and believe this is a waste of their money. So after I prepare their taxes I offer a service where I suggest other countries they can move to where taxes fund social services that benefit the people living there, and far less money gets spent on bombing foreign lands.”
At press time, TurboTax announced a new premium package that will show detailed information about how individual taxes are being used to abuse migrants at the Mexico border.
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