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Romance in the Workplace
🕑 Added 2024-01-22 22:00:05 +0000 UTCMIAMI — A local couple working from home was reported that they were left with no choice but to start sleeping with one another, according to sources nostalgic for a quick shag in the office breakroom.
“Ever since Katie and I started working from home full-time, we’ve been forced to flirt with each other throughout the day. One thing led to another and let’s just say I have a new ‘work wife’ who just so happens to be my girlfriend of seven years,” stated Brad DeAngelo. “Sure, we hated having to go into a physical office because the commute was so draining, but at least it gave us the opportunity to run into other coworkers who were also DTF. But maybe this was a blessing in disguise and exactly what our relationship needed to get back on track. Who knew sleeping exclusively with your partner had so many benefits?”
Katie Knoblauch, DeAngelo’s partner of four years, offered her take on the situation.
“Help me!” stated Knoblauch as she frenetically chewed on some ice cubes. “The only thing that was keeping our relationship together was all the cheating and the excitement that came with it. I guess we could probably break up, but I could never afford a nice apartment like this by myself, and our cats are so attached it would be tough to break them up, what’s the point? Our relationship is just a lot stronger when I’m having sex with the mailroom guy in the office bathroom or storage closet. I’m not sure why that is, but I don’t question it.”
Relationship expert Dr. Clara Lau explained how they’re seeing an increase in horny couples looking to copulate with anyone except their significant others since more jobs have gone remote.
“It’s been a very difficult time for people who used to cheat on their partners,” described Dr. Lau. “Pre-pandemic, folks had so many great opportunities to bang other people but with more companies going remote, adulterers have become desperate. I’d say any delivery person dropping off anything to these people’s homes are at serious risk of being approached, seduced, and debauched. That might sound kind of cool, but think of all the packages that might never get delivered on time. But at least it would fulfill that sexual hole in every remote worker’s life.”
At press time, the couple was forced to have part-time affairs with other people after their jobs switched to a hybrid work schedule.
Article by Doug Kolic.
