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🕑 Added 2024-01-21 17:00:07 +0000 UTCLOS ANGELES — Dragula, the macabre drag racing car immortalized by musician Rob Zombie, believes today’s generation has become “soft,” exasperated sources confirm.
“Sure, call me the ‘c’ word,” said Dragula, referring to “conservative.” “But I had to dig my own way through the ditches. Nobody gave me a shovel as a handout. This snowflake generation doesn’t understand the value of hard work, they want the worm conquered on a silver platter for them. Do you think you’re entitled to a ‘Matrix’ needle drop? No, you’ve got to slam in the back like everyone else.
“And don’t get me started on burning through witches,” he continued, affecting a mocking tone. “I don’t want to trigger anyone for not referring to them as a ‘Pagan Sorceress’ or some crap like that.”
Dragula’s former colleague, Living Dead Girl, reports she fell out of contact with Dragula, and is “saddened but not surprised” to hear his views.
“I’m proud of the work we did,” said Living Dead Girl, who now runs a nonprofit for kitschy horror creations reacclimating to society. “But it was of a time and place. I was conceived as an irresistible wish-fulfillment fantasy of a man. I said that I ‘loved to love the wealth of an SS sex worker,’ and that I wanted to ‘r-word a geek.’ I said those things for shock, and I regret them. So I evolved. I know some people aren’t ready to forgive me, and I don’t blame them. I’ll continue to put in the work. Draggy can always reach out. The Creeper and I meet up once a month, and it’s really healthy.”
University of Southern California Musicology Professor Leah Morrison studies what happens to popular music characters as culture progresses, noting Dragula as a typical case.
“When you’re immortalized in music, it’s difficult to see a need to change,” said Morrison. “Desmond, from the Beatles’ ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da,’ had trouble accepting that Molly no longer wanted to stay at home and apply makeup to her pretty face, that she wanted to be a working mom. They’re currently in counseling with the Ramones’ Psycho Therapist, though she doesn’t like being called that anymore.”
Dragula recently announced a “Cancelled Through The Ditches” Tour, where he and other controversial music figures like Antichrist Superstar perform. Tickets start at $666 per show.
Article by Greg Smith.
