thehardtimes
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🕑 Added 2024-02-03 15:00:09 +0000 UTCSo, you turned 25, and you finally stole enough money from parking meters to get a business license. The next step? Growing that business to the level of class traitor. If you want to find out what’s next you’ve come to the right place. That is, the right place to finally hear what a piece of shit you are. Let’s get one thing out of the way, no one in this town will forget when you and your old friend Slim burned down the garage behind the police station. Now you’re trying to overcome your debt and finally give your son a decent birthday? Next, you’ll be high-fiving cops in a fucking Ruby Tuesday. Pathetic.
Well, if you’re really doing this, the first step would be to write up a business model and bring it to a major bank for a loan. To write a business plan, you can start with how you plan to keep all your money to yourself when your struggling neighbors start asking for help. Take your roommate Pound Cake, for example, who covered for you in ‘97 when your parents smelled weed in your car. All she needed last week was 12 bucks for beer, and your only answer was, “You still owe me for the cigarettes, last month’s rent, and for bailing your brother out of jail.” I mean, come on, your candle business is doing pretty well, surely you can add 12 measly dollars to that tab. And she’ll definitely pay you back, probably.
So, now that you’ve got the loan, you’ve probably found a good spot to open up shop. Now you’re ready to advertise online, create a social media presence, connect with your customer base, and maybe look into starting a chain. Hey, maybe this is a good time to mention that I’m 3 payments behind on my motorcycle, my dealer’s getting aggressive about the money I owe him, and my girl’s gonna leave me unless I get her this new… Wait, you won’t help because you need to focus on profits? You know, screw you and your bullshit scented candles. You were just a crappy start-up two months ago, and now you think you’re so cool after you got private security to keep your neighbors out and you started watching “The Wire.” It’s like we don’t even know you anymore. Well done, you finished all the steps in record time!
Article by Rachel Steele.
Comments
DysphoricUnicorn🪿
people who just turned 25 weren't around in '97
