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🕑 Added 2024-02-05 13:00:10 +0000 UTCNEW YORK — Local man Doug Clearing has been accused of shouting his relationship problems into friend Lewis Samson’s ear during the band Mudd Butt’s best song of their set, annoyed sources confirmed.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t bring Jessica up, but I just couldn’t help it,” Clearing admitted. “Mud Butt started playing this song that reminded me of her. We’re on a break because she says I’m too vanilla. She wants to try pegging and keeps talking about opening the relationship. I’m just not ready for either of those things. Now she’s seeing some jerk who works at the Subway next to my apartment. I don’t want some random dude who permanently smells like an Italian BMT to watch my girlfriend penetrate me. Am I not enough for her? Thank God my boy Lewis was there to listen. I really opened my entire soul to him during that show.”
Samson had a completely different sentiment when recalling events.
“Dude, I was this close to punching him in the throat,” said the longtime friend. “I paid a lot for these tickets and honestly only invited him because my buddy canceled last minute. He used my favorite Mudd Butt song as background music to his weird relationship issues. He could have talked about this to me at absolutely any other time—before the show when we got beers or on the bus ride home or when the opening band played, like a normal person. I didn’t need to know how little sex they’ve had in the past six months or how hung that sandwich guy is during the best moment of the show.”
The lead singer and guitarist of Mudd Butt, Danny Mooreland, was able to witness the event from the stage.
“I’ve never had someone have a conversation so loudly during a set that I could hear them,” Mooreland said while restringing his guitar. “If I could hear him talking about how he was unable to satisfy his girlfriend from the stage, I’m sure everyone else could as well. At first I was a little annoyed, but then I wanted to hear more about that dude with a monster dick that makes paninis. I just let him scream away, even though it was during our biggest hit, ‘Eat. Sleep. Shit.’ For some reason, that song always inspires audience members to open up about their relationship problems.”
Since the show, Mudd Butt has asked Clearing to retell his story as an opening act for their next gig.
Article by Jordan Liffengren.
