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Chapter 674: Shackles of the Heart
🕑 Added 2024-10-02 08:00:26 +0000 UTCAfter the declaration was issued, many scholars praised Liu Yu for his benevolence. They admired that he bore no grudges against Gongsun Zan and even advised his subordinates and the Hu people, further enhancing Liu Yu’s already excellent reputation.
This brought great joy to Liu Yu, who valued his reputation above all else. His previous resentment toward Gongsun Zan began to dissipate as he focused on boosting his own prestige. When Liu Bei and Chen Xi learned of this, they were also relieved, as it meant fewer troubles involving Gongsun Zan.
This turn of events left Shen Pei with even fewer options to diminish Gongsun Zan’s influence, making it increasingly difficult for him to end Gongsun Zan’s reign from his position in Youbeiping.
Lü Bu's return to the north, however, offered a glimmer of hope to Shen Pei, who was caught in a difficult situation. Although the odds were slim, after careful analysis, Shen Pei decided to take the risk and attempt to resolve the issue.
Shen Pei was decisive by nature. Once he saw even the slightest chance, he didn’t hesitate. Driven by his loyalty to Yuan Shao, he handed over the military affairs of Youbeiping to Gao Gan and set out on his journey.
In the city of Changli, Gongsun Zan stared at the figure before him, a mysterious man cloaked in black, with his face concealed. Gongsun Zan was perplexed; it wasn’t yet time for Taishan to send their grain shipments. What was this all about? He thought, puzzled.
When Taishi Ci and Gan Ning had taken Liu Yu away, Gongsun Zan's anger toward Liu Bei had reached its peak. But after a few days, when his mind cleared, he realized that Liu Bei’s actions had actually saved him!
However, Gongsun Zan’s stubbornness wouldn’t allow him to admit his mistake. Even though he knew he was wrong, admitting it was out of the question.
Because of this, Gongsun Zan believed that his relationship with Liu Bei was over. After all, he had written a letter rebuking Liu Bei, which could be seen as a slap in the face. But later, Gongsun Zan was surprised to find that Liu Bei had explained his actions and demonstrated through his deeds that Gongsun Zan’s trust in him had not been misplaced.
It’s easy to offer help when things are going well, but it’s much harder to do so in times of need. This was why Gongsun Zan felt he owed Liu Bei a great debt, especially when he received the regular shipments of grain that Liu Bei sent him. Gongsun Zan often pondered how he could repay Liu Bei.
Gongsun Zan was a man of contradictions. He had all the qualities and temperament of a great general but lacked the duplicity often required of a warlord.
In both history and legend, Gongsun Zan had lent soldiers to Liu Bei and had never asked for them back. Although in this world, Gongsun Zan had lent only two thousand troops when his power was not at its peak, it was still a testament to his deep sense of camaraderie.
This was what made Gongsun Zan so admirable—his deep sense of loyalty. However, like many generals, he was prone to anger, and once enraged, he was reckless and unyielding. He might stubbornly refuse to admit when he was wrong, but he never forgot a debt, and he always found a way to repay it.
These qualities combined to form a deeply conflicted man. Because of his loyalty, Gongsun Zan felt compelled to repay Liu Bei. He understood that the greatest support he could offer Liu Bei was not troops but resources—money, food, and supplies. As for soldiers, unless Liu Bei was ready for a decisive battle with Yuan Shao, Gongsun Zan knew he couldn’t offer much help.
Yet, when Gongsun Zan thought it over, he realized that he had no way to repay Liu Bei. Once, he had been Liu Bei’s elder brother, offering him protection. But now, Liu Bei had grown stronger—stronger even than Gongsun Zan had been at his peak.
Gongsun Zan wasn’t the kind of person to leave things to the next life; he believed in repaying his debts in this lifetime. This was also the source of his greatest torment—he could see a way to repay Liu Bei, but it would go against the principles he had always upheld.
As Gongsun Zan sat in Changli, reflecting on his life, he recalled his past victories over the Wuhuan in the northern frontier, the founding of the Baima cavalry, and the bloodshed beyond the Great Wall. His life had been one of recklessness and revenge. Even though he regretted the decisions that led to the deaths of many in the Baima cavalry, he knew he owed them nothing.
The Baima cavalry were men of honor who had pledged their loyalty to Gongsun Zan because of his victories over the Hu people and the peace he had brought to Youzhou. They had entrusted their lives to him, believing that as long as Gongsun Zan stood, Youzhou would be safe.
The oath, "Let Heaven and the Baima bear witness," was a bond of brotherhood and a testament to his valor. The men of the Baima cavalry had followed him willingly, trusting him to protect Youzhou and keep their families safe.
So, while Gongsun Zan mourned the loss of the Baima cavalry, he knew he owed them nothing. He had fulfilled their oath by securing Youzhou, and in return, they had given their lives to him.
He owed a debt to only one person—Liu Bei. Gongsun Zan was no fool; he was just easily angered, and in his rage, he often lost sight of many things. But that didn’t mean he didn’t recognize his mistakes when his anger subsided.
Repaying Liu Bei would be both simple and difficult for Gongsun Zan. It would be simple because, in the northern frontier and west of Youbeiping, he had three thousand elite troops of Youzhou under the command of Tian Yu. These troops were his last resort, his final line of defense against the Hu people. Yuan Shao had almost no chance of discovering them unless Tian Yu revealed their existence. These troops would only be deployed if the Hu people broke through the layers of defense and invaded Youzhou.
This final defense, entrusted to Tian Yu, was Gongsun Zan’s pledge to the people of Youzhou and the Baima cavalry. If he could abandon this oath, he could easily repay Liu Bei with those troops.
But this was also Gongsun Zan’s greatest struggle—he couldn’t break his oath. The Baima cavalry was gone, but Gongsun Zan couldn’t forget the promise he had made to his comrades, to the people of Youzhou. He couldn’t free himself from the shackles of his own heart.
Gongsun Zan knew that if he ordered Tian Yu to march south during the fiercest part of the Yuan-Liu war, it would be enough to repay all his debts.
By that time, he would likely be dead, and the oaths he had sworn would be nothing more than dust in the annals of history. Who would remember that he had once stood on the walls of Ji City and vowed, "If the Hu people dare to invade Youzhou, they shall die!"
Thinking back, he regretted listening to Liu Yu's advice about showing mercy. Perhaps it would have been better if he had just killed them all back then.
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