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The Law of Fuck Yes or No in Kink
🕑 Added 2023-12-24 05:08:23 +0000 UTC“The Law of Fuck Yes or No states that when you want to get involved with someone new, in whatever capacity, they must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with them.” - Mark Manson
Mark Manson’s essay works beautifully in a kink context:
When you want to get involved with a new kink, it must inspire you to say “Fuck Yes” in order for you to proceed with it.” “Um” and “maybe” are not synonyms for “fuck yes.” Here are a few other things that aren’t synonyms for it:
- Maybe I was too hasty to put that on my list of limits.
- This seems too dangerous for my liking, but I’m sure the worst won’t happen to me.
- I love you, so I should be willing to give you what you need.
- If I don’t say “yes,” people will know I’m a vanilla imposter in the kink scene.
- I don’t want to but I’m not that averse to the idea.
There are “Yes” Subs, and there are “Fuck Yes” subs, and never the twain shall meet. “Yes” Subs have a thousand justifications for dropping a limit. Their partner needs it. They aren’t completely opposed to the idea. They feel silly for drawing a boundary. <list 5,000 more excuses here>
“Fuck Yes” Subs don’t deal in justifications. Life is simple. They do what they want to do. They don’t do what they don’t want to do. If only we were all that healthy.
The trouble with being a “Yes” Sub is that every time you add something new to your play, you add risks to your life. Let’s say you half-heartedly engage in breath play. Let’s say you experience a stroke as a result. (And yes, you can have a stroke as a result) Your half-assed “yes” has become a permanent disability.
I’m RACK. I think we should get to choose the risks we take. If you're informed of the hazards and are still “fuck yessing” about them, I won’t judge you. If you want to ride and land up in a bike accident, I won’t complain either. You wanted to climb onto the bike. You knew the risks. The worst happened, but you had a lot of fun before it did. If you didn’t want to ride, though, those hospital bills would feel bitter and heavy.
If you want to jump out of a plane, I’ll happily take the photographs, and if you want to get tied over a cliff, I’ll make sure The Darwin Award hears about it… but I won’t judge you for your kink choices.
But make sure you fucking want to. If you’re umming about it, you’re not "fuck yes", and you’re not RACK.
I know what it’s like to be injured after caving to a sense of obligation. The top I was trying so hard to please went to parties while I sat at home nursing injuries he wasn’t willing to support me with. It wasn’t a good feeling. My resentment turned into a raging monster that gobbled me up. I learned he wasn’t worthy of the sacrifices I’d made, and this isn’t an unusual scenario. Over the years, I’ve met many subs who were abandoned after they were injured for doing something they didn’t really want to do.
Please don’t drop limits for a “yes.” Only drop them for a “fuck yes” because you might have to deal with the consequences on your own. Make sure those hospital bills are worth it.
