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Some Men Are Just Too Fancy With Too Few Holes
🕑 Added 2023-12-13 06:28:26 +0000 UTCMe: He was literally running the country, but he never stood me up. Not once. He drove almost two hours to see me all through the week.
Jo: That’s lovely. So why did you break up?
Me: He was too fancy for me.
Jo: Whut?
Me: He was too put together. He did everything right. I can’t do everything right all the time.
I have two throws for my couch. One is a beautiful, cream angora. The other is a beat-up acrylic that’s taken too much Bobby Dog Claw Damage. Mouse also made a hole in it for a nest. I don’t know where the angora is. Probably in a box in storage. I don’t use it much. It doesn’t feel like home, and I don’t like fancy men either.
I always felt inadequate around Parliament Guy. He was responsible. He was trustworthy. He was caring. The problem was he didn’t have any mouse holes. No claws had ever gotten stuck in him. No doggo had ever snuggled into him.
He’d lived a perfect life, so how would he ever understand me?
David used to take off his clothes politely from the other side of the room before we had sex. Sometimes he’d even fold them neatly and place them on the side table. Sex is always better with someone who’s taken claw damage. They don’t fold their clothes first. They’re too busy being overwhelmed.
I like men who are capable of being overwhelmed.
I like men with holes I can snuggle into.
I like men who don't require me to take off my clothes and fold them neatly before sex. I'm not neat. I'm made of frayed threads and hooked threads and every other kind of wrecked thread imaginable. If you're an angora, my throat tightens up and I become aware of my inadequacies.
That's not cosy. It's a performance.
