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A Request for the Truth is Not a Promise that I'll Appreciate that Truth
🕑 Added 2024-04-24 08:17:15 +0000 UTCSome years back, I received a message from a man who wanted me to become his insta-sub. I was to quit my job and take him and his slaves on an all-expenses-paid trip around the world. Guess which of us would be doing the paying. Of course, he (let’s call him Frank) added the prerequisite brag about his sexual skills as well. He had “extra potent cum” with magical bonding properties, so he didn’t need safewords or hard limits. He just discovered them in the psychic ether.
This kind of opportunity comes along once in a lifetime. I’ve always longed to give up my life to pay for some random dudebro’s global travel while acting as a kink dispenser, but this was too wild to be sincere. It had to be a trap, and sure enough, it was. I’d just written a post about how I wished we were more honest in our dating lives. Frank hoped his message would prove me a hypocrite.
Frank thinks honesty is a golden ticket to a favourable reception. A request for authenticity is not a promise that said authenticity will be appreciated. If your true self is covered in muck and sewage, I won’t be spending much time with you. Honesty is not a ticket for being an asshole. Those who value the truth do not automatically value toxic behaviour. We’d rather know you’re a douche from the start because it leaves us with more time to play The Witcher.
We see Frank’s brand of reductiveness in relationships as well.
“You asked me to stop lying, and now you’re angry that I told you I cheated on you.”
“I fucked your sister, and now you’re going to like it.”
“I think you’re ugly. What? You asked for honesty, didn’t you?”
If you expect the truth, you aren’t allowed to have an emotional reaction to it.
What? It’s twue logic.
A request for honesty is not a promise that I’ll like the true self you reveal. That’s why ethics have to be their own rewards.
Honesty does not mean spewing your most ridiculous expectations, so no, I do not want to hear every internet stranger’s sexual fantasy. Honesty requires wisdom. It must be conscious of boundaries. It must apply a host of other principles, and respect is not the least of them.
Even with authenticity in play, you don't get points for being an asshole.
