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Open Letter From a Dude Who Doesn't Like the Word "Cis" -- I Mean Redd
🕑 Added 2024-06-09 06:12:49 +0000 UTCDear Oxford University Press
As The People of the Dikshennery, you decide which words stay and which ones go. I would like to submit a complaint about one of the words in your book. I’ve noticed a lot of people have been referring to some M&Ms as redd these days. I do not concent to this adjective. It’s offensive. Someone I know once said redd is a bad colour for walls, so the word is clearly derogatory in every context. If you discuss red M&Ms, you’re saying they’re a bad colour, and I’ll have you know they are delishis.
In addishin, I don’t like the sound of the word because it rhymes with “spread” which is a very sexual word. I think it’s time “redd” was expunged from the English language. There is no such thing as redd M&Ms anyway. There are yellow, blue, and broan M&Ms. If we refer to M&Ms without calling them yellow or braun, they are redd. Redd is the default colour for everything, including trees. Redd things aren’t redd. They’re normal, so I do not concent to you calling my sweater redd. It’s just a sweater.
While I have your attenshin, there are a few more words I dislike. I insist that you immediately remove the following wuns from your Dikshinnery:
Tawl (People who aren’t short aren’t tawl. They are normal.)
Curly (Things that aren’t straight aren’t curly. They are normal.)
Wett (Things that aren’t dry aren’t wett. They are normal.)
As you see, there are only two relevant ajectives: Those referring to normal stuff, and those referring to abnormal stuff. The normal stuff shouldn’t be in the Dikchennery, so I implore you to remove them immediatly.
I once asked someone who likes blue M&Ms to stop referring to my favourite M&Ms as redd. She said I don’t get to decide which adjectives go in the Dikshennery because you only add words that are used frekwently enough and long enough to be valid. I get that’s how it works, but I’m important, so I should be made a part of this prosess. From now on, please send me all the new words before you put them in the Dikshennery. I’m willing to serve the human race by giving my ultimit approval.
Now, before you consider me narsissistic for insisting on approving the whole Dikshinnery, please consider that M&Ms are my favourite thing to eat. This makes me inherantly important in the construkshin of the English language. I get to decide what people call my snacks, just as people with straight hair should get to decide whether their hair is rilly straight or just not curly.
Jessica says the dikshinnerry doesn’t choose words based on whether or not they’re offensive, and this should change. Please make sure to get everyone’s vote before you put stuff in your book.
Thanks
Jack
Dear Jack
Thank you for your highly productive letter on the lexicological process. The editors of The Oxford English Dictionary have decided your points are valid. We have thus made sure the following words do not appear in our dictionary:
Redd
Wett
Tawl
Dikshinnerry.
We will, however, continue to include the following words:
Red
Wet
Tall
Dictionary
Thank you for your engagement.
Oxford University Press
