AliceFraser
patreon
Mothers Day in The UK
🕑 Added 2017-03-27 01:48:43 +0000 UTC UK mothers day. Seeing all my friends over there giving love and gratitude to their mamas. Thinking about mine.It's good sometimes to take a little while to be sad and think - sometimes it can feel dangerous to pull out memories and let myself feel the intensity of love that will inevitably slide towards a bottomless pit of sadness.
As time passes, I have a better sense of where the edges are of that sadness, and don't have to be so careful of its gravitational pull; so worried that it'll suck me down into crippling mindless grief. That's a good thing.
Today I'm just thinking about how proud mum was. She was a very proud woman. She had a kind of powerful open, generous dignity that made many of the worst indignities of her disease seem like accessories - sidelines. She was also very proud of us. Of Dad, Henry, and me. Not proud of our achievements. Proud of us.
I told a story in Savage about the time I did that TEDx talk, and told mum that I wouldn't be coming into the hospital that afternoon because I was going to do a TEDx talk. She said "Oh darling, I'm so proud of you! I'm so proud of you... what's a TEDx talk?" I tell that story because I think it's a good example of how she was more generally. When you have one story that is a good example, it can seem like the whole story. But for me, that story's fractal - it opens up in my mind all of the grand generosity of her character.
A thousand other moments like that.
Comments
Dean
I just got word that my Nana has been admitted to hospital this evening and that she's not expected to last the night. I just re-read this post and saw your mention of fractals and now my own mind has gone off on this journey through all the wonderful moments I've shared with her over the years. Women like ours are awesome.
Erin Roche
Love this post. Thank you.
