AliceFraser
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Manners
🕑 Added 2017-11-15 18:15:09 +0000 UTC I had a moment the other day of wishing for a more structured set of rules of engagement.This is possibly the result of me reading too much historical fiction, but also having learned German as a kid.
The difference between the formal Sie and the informal Du, the Regency formality that people (at least of the class generally covered in historical romance novels) would have found it improper to talk to a stranger unless they’d been introduced by a mutual acquaintance, the current spate of backlash against consistent sexual line-crossing in my industry, have all washed around my fuzzy jetlagged head in the past few days.
Maybe it’s wishful thinking on my part, that you could indicate the level of familiarity you desired from a colleague purely through a trick of speech. Because part of the nature of professional collegiate interaction (particularly in the arts) is cultivating intimacy and friendship with people you want to work with.
But it would be so nice to be able to head off a pass at the pass, purely by subtle linguistic choice - refusing someone’s over-familiar use of your name, rather than waiting for them to cross the line into your physical space and hoping you have the physical courage to talk your way out of that.
Comments
Thankyou Grace! That or just a small electric shock machine
This would be... so utterly perfect. Just a shift of a pro-noun to allow you to indicate to the colleague who just started telling you intimate details of his foot fetish that he's crossed a line but that allows you both to keep your dignity. (Not based on real life situation... It was a way more upsetting kink that I am still haunted by). Love your fuzzy jet-legged thoughts Alice! x
Ah you’re lovely.
Hi Alice, I'm sorry you experienced whatever that moment was. I don't think it's wishful thinking but something to be strove towards, in your industry and elsewhere. For instance, we had testimony in Congress this week of a Congressman saying 'Are you going to be a good girl?' to a female staff person. The fact that things like that are happening, are our collective baseline, makes me think we will need to be active on many fronts. I'd welcome a set of rules especially in the volunteer world where we have not only a mix of gender but of race, economic level, and home zip code that may also lead to being on the wrong side of the line.
