AliceFraser
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A Guide To Sexting
🕑 Added 2020-03-28 10:55:19 +0000 UTCThanks to a request from one of you lovely Patreonites.
Here you go:
... there’s a boom in the sexting industry, which is difficult.
There’s some very specific rules that sexting needs to comply with, which is not particularly good for people who aren’t comfortable expressing intimate feelings ie. everyone in England, all Protestants, most Catholics, many men, some women and a proportion of non-binary people.
So I have a list of tips for people who are now forced to engage with over the phone sexual contact. If you are sexting and you’re using language,
You need to be specific but not clinical.
- “Commence lubrication” is too graphic.
- Words like “insert” are too engineer-ey.
Time scales are important.
- It can’t be too comprehensive right out of the gate: “let’s have sex, we’re having sex, we’ve just had sex.” That doesn’t work. Sure there’s a beginning, middle and end but there’s no detail. You need to fill it in. Give it a little bit of colour. Equally while you can’t do it too quickly you also can’t sext back and forth for a week describing a singular act in minute detail. You’re not Dickens and even the imagination can get chafing.
Be very careful about singular and plural.
- “Look at my boobs” is sexy, “look at my boob”, (singular), is not sexy.
Agree on terminology beforehand.
- You can’t have a yoni person with a cock person. They’re two different worlds, it would never work.
- Equally you can never have a vulva person with a heated core of passion person or a glans person with a willy person; they’d never respect each other.
Then we enter (ahem) the world of pictural sexualness, or “spixts” which I’ve never really understood. The whole dick pic thing is basically saying JUST LOOK AT IT, which is all well and good for renaissance art, but doesn’t necessarily feel inherently sexy. There’s no reciprocal thrill other than ooh... a “read” notification, or it gets transactional and you’re swapping flap-shots like trading cards.
But if you’re sexting back and forth with your partner or friend:
Be patient and suspend disbelief because you don’t know what’s happening on their end.
- If it’s contemporaneous sex-texting, or “stexing” as I like to call it, don’t worry. But also, don’t not worry.
- You just don’t know, if there’s a pause between your sent message and their response, if they’re passionately unfolding their genitals or they’ve gone to make a cup of tea.
- Maybe they’re working on their grammar. Looking at a thesaurus to maximise the sexiness of their response, or maybe they’re search-engine-ing, “harassment using a telecommunications device under the Cath Criminal Code Act (1995)”
- You don’t know if they’ve gone quiet because they’ve just shoved their whole fist into their mouth, or if it’s that they’ve thrown their whole phone out of a window.
- They’ve definitely either gone into a lust fugue or their parent has just FaceTimed them with a tech question and the mood is forever gone.
Communication and patience is key.
For those without a current selection of long distance targets for your courtly lust, you can still find someone to kill a dragon for (is this a euphemism?) via the Internet. Apps are still a thing.
- Apparently in this time, despite the ban on intimate contact, tinder usage has gone up, because people bloody love window shopping.
So, be careful out there. Be careful of everyone.
And wash your hands. Keep it clean while you’re getting dirty.
- Either your phone’s filthy and your junk is clean, or the other way around. Figure out which and wash your hands accordingly.
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