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I have ADD, apparently! (general life update)
🕑 Added 2023-02-01 11:45:54 +0000 UTCHi!
I don't do this very often unless it directly relates to a change in Patreon content, but I figured it might be worth sharing nonetheless.
As many of you know, I have quite a few mental health problems! I've been in therapy for a little over a year to work on those, but it has been excruciatingly slow. Most of 2022 was spent getting the wrong treatment, and then being put on a waitlist for 6 months to finally get a proper diagnosis.
I received my diagnosis on December 20th, and most of it wasn't all that surprising. Depression, chronic anxiety, social anxiety and misophonia, sure- The biggest surprise however, was ADD. Chances are you've heard of ADHD, this is mostly the same thing, except it's missing the H(yperactivity). What this means is that I have a lot of trouble with managing my attention span and focus, a problem that I can trace all the way back to the beginning of high school. Except, at that time, I would just blame myself for being lazy or not working hard enough. In class, I wasn't able to listen to long lectures for more than a few minutes. I never really learned how to study properly because I always got distracted, and during tests my eyes often glazed over the questions, while my ears were too busy picking up noises from outside. My parents were very strict and had high expectations of me, so this lead to a lot of me getting angry at myself for "being lazy".
Learning that there was something else at play, namely, ADD, feels like a huge relief. A lot of my self-deprecating tendencies started in high school, but there really was no need for it. It wasn't me being irresponsible or not working hard enough, I was struggling with a mental disorder that I didn't know I had.
Fastforward to today though, and yeah, this is something I still struggle with, obviously. I'm very bad at starting to work on art when I planned to, and I often finish Patreon rewards or commissions late because I just can't focus or motivate myself to do it, despite loving drawing. One month I'm mega productive, one month I barely get everything done on time. I'd like to work 10am-5pm, but often that ends up being 9am-12, 1pm-3pm or even 7pm-4am. However, now that the cause has been identified, I will be receiving coaching for it SOON™. ADD of course isn't curable, but it is something I can learn to work with and be more efficient. I hope this will end up making my workflow easier!
Thank you for all your continued support. 💖
