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Chapter 38: The Speech Disaster
🕑 Added 2025-04-08 19:10:46 +0000 UTCJust then, Rachel and Charlie strolled into the pool area, each with a drink in hand. Rachel immediately stopped when she saw the group in various states of laughter—Chandler wiping tears, Phoebe still giggling uncontrollably, Monica leaning into Chandler to stay upright.
Rachel blinked, setting her sunglasses on top of her head. “Okay... what on earth is so funny?”
Charlie glanced over at me with an amused smile. “That was you, wasn’t it?”
Rachel gave me a suspicious look as well.
“Why would you say that?” I asked innocently, flashing the most harmless smile I could manage.
Rachel narrowed her eyes playfully. “Because every time I see you smiling like that, something chaotic just happened.”
“I second that,” Charlie added, sipping his drink. “You're like a ten-year-old Loki with better hair.”
Monica, still laughing, nodded toward me. “He did impressions. All of us. And they were... alarmingly accurate.”
Rachel turned fully toward me, intrigued. “Even me?”
I raised my hands defensively. “You were the grand finale. I saved the best for last.”
Rachel gave a mock gasp. “Was I dramatic?”
Chandler coughed into his hand. “Oh yeah.”
———
Later that day, Joey, Chandler, Rachel, Charlie, and I were walking toward Ross's room. Joey knocked on the door and called out, “Hey guys!”
Ross responded as he opened the door, “The chocolates aren’t here.”
“Damn it!” Joey sighed.
Inside, Dr. Wheeler said, “Ross just read me his speech. It’s fantastic.”
“Oh, is it on the computer?” Chandler asked. “Because I’d love to give it a read.”
“If you want to check your e-mail, just ask,” Ross replied.
“What? May I?” Chandler asked innocently.
Rachel looked around at the cloudy sky out the window. “What’s with the rain, Geller? I mean, when I signed up for Dino Week, nobody said anything about it being monsoon season.”
“The wet season is June to December,” Dr. Wheeler noted helpfully.
“Yeah, it’s not the time, Wheeler,” Rachel said flatly.
Suddenly, Chandler let out a panicked gasp. “Oh no. No, no! Dear God, no!”
“What, did someone outbid you for the teapot?” Joey asked.
“Secret teapot,” Joey muttered under his breath.
“Your computer...” Chandler stammered. “I don’t know what happened. Everything’s gone.”
“What do you mean?” Ross jumped up.
“Must be a virus,” Chandler said nervously. “I think it erased your hard drive.”
Ross turned pale. “What?! Oh my God. What did you do?!”
“Someone I don’t know sent me an email,” Chandler started, “and I opened it.”
“Why? Why would you open it?” Ross demanded.
“Well, it didn’t say, ‘This is a virus,’” Chandler defended himself.
Ross stared at him. “What did it say, then?”
Chandler swallowed. “Nude...” he paused, everyone looked to him.
“Pictures of Anna Kournikova.”
There was a beat of silence.
Charlie raised his hand. “Okay, in Chandler’s defense... that happened to me once.”
Everyone turned to look at him, horrified.
Charlie shrugged. “What? But I didn’t erase someone’s speech.”
I raised an eyebrow and leaned casually against the wall. “Well, at least Chandler has good taste.”
Now everyone turned to look at me.
“What?” I said with a shrug. “Anna Kournikova is beautiful.”
Rachel rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Men. Boys. You’re all the same.”
Charlie smirked. “We aim to be consistent.”
Rachel crossed her arms and added, “You know, this happens all the time to my computer at work.”
“What do you do?” Ross asked hopefully.
“I usually go…” Rachel said casually, “play Tetris on somebody else's computer.”
Charlie glanced over at me again and asked, “Do you know how to resolve this?”
“Not really,” I said, shaking my head. “I don’t know much about IT... or paleontology, for that matter.”
I paused, then added with a shrug, “What I’d do is pay someone two grand to write me a brand-new speech.”
I thought for a second more, then continued, “But then again, they’re already specialists. I guess that option’s off the table.”
———
The next day, miraculously, the weather had turned beautiful. The sky was clear, the ocean a breathtaking shade of blue. Mom, Dad, and Grandma were already heading to the beach.
“I’ll wait for Uncle Charlie,” I told them, watching as they disappeared down the path.
I walked to his door and knocked. He and Rachel were already dressed in beachwear, looking surprisingly ready.
“Hey Jake,” Charlie greeted. Rachel smiled, tossing her beach bag over her shoulder.
“We should stop by Monica’s room on the way,” Rachel said.
She knocked on the adjoining door, enter and shouted, “Open your drapes! Open your drapes!”
“So glad we got adjoining rooms,” Chandler muttered.
“The sun is out!” Monica called back.
“Hey! Remember when I had corneas?” Chandler replied, shielding his eyes dramatically.
“Go to the pool and reserve chairs,” Monica instructed.
“I will get the magazines and the lotion,” Monica added, determined.
“Ladies? Ross’ speech is in 45 minutes,” Chandler reminded them.
“No!” Monica groaned.
“Damn it!” Rachel added.
“Walls are pretty thin, guys,” Ross said dryly from the other side of the wall.
I leaned closer to Monica and whispered, “How the hell does he not know about you two?”
She bit her lip to suppress a laugh, shooting me a quick glance. “We’re very sneaky.”
Charlie jumped in quickly, trying to sound casual. “Oh well, we don’t really know Ross that well.”
“Yeah,” I added with a smirk. “We just went to his wedding, that’s all.”
Charlie chuckled. “We should get going. Even Alan’s already there.”
He was right. Dad had been one of the most excited to attend those dinosaur lectures. But today, when the sun goes up, he was one of the first to go to the beach.
Rachel and Monica exchanged looks, clearly envious as they watched us prepare to leave.
But just as we reached for the door handle to step outside, the sky suddenly darkened—and the sound of heavy rain hitting the windows followed a beat later.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered.
