MassaHJ
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Chapter 85 – Dating himself
🕑 Added 2025-04-28 20:29:54 +0000 UTCI looked up from my book just in time to see Uncle Charlie step into the living room. He stood there for a second, his face somewhere between annoyed and baffled.
“You okay?” I asked, setting the book down. “You’re back early…” I pointed out.
He didn’t answer right away—just dropped his keys on the table with a soft clink and made his way to the kitchen, muttering something under his breath.
When he finally returned with a glass of whiskey, he flopped onto the chair across from me.
“Women, kid,” he said, shaking his head, then raised his glass. “Something weird happened. I left without needing to sneak out—and then I hit the brakes.”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“And you?” he asked, returning the question.
“Just a few small kisses,” I said nonchalantly. “The deck sure helps set the mood, huh?”
Charlie smirked and nodded. “And you’re only just getting started.”
---
The next day, I was having dinner with Dad in the kitchen when Charlie walked in.
“So, no date tonight?” Dad asked.
“I thought I’d just hang with you guys,” Charlie replied, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
“What about that girl you’re seeing?” I asked.
“Sherri? I’m taking it slow,” Charlie responded.
“Really? Do you mean at a leisurely pace… or as if you were developmentally challenged?” Alan asked
“Oh, aren’t you clever? Bite me”. Charlie leaned against the counter. “Alan, most beautiful women are used to guys chasing after them. They expect it. But if you hang back and stay cool... the women come to you.”
“That’s actually kinda of the truth,” I said. “Hmm, Laura just texted me,” I added, glancing at my phone.
Both of them glared at me. Charlie looked amused.
Uncle Charlie then looked at Alan and completed, “Well, not to you specifically, but you get the theory.”
“Yeah, I’m not stupid,” Alan said. “Just physically repellent... and inherently unlovable.”
“Don’t get snippy with me,” Charlie muttered. “I’m trying to teach you something.”
His phone rang. “Hello? Oh, hey, Sherri. How’s it going?”
He turned away slightly
“Tonight? No, I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ve already got plans." he shook his head at us
"How about tomorrow night? Oh, you’ve got plans. Okay. Well, Sunday? Monday? What about Tuesday?” he continued
There was a pause.
“You know what? I’m looking at the wrong month in my date book. Tonight works. How about I pick you up at nine? Okay, I’ll meet you at eight. Antonio’s? The Oak Room it is. See you soon.”
Charlie hung up.
“What just happened?” he asked aloud.
“You were playing it slow,” Alan said sarcastically.
I just looked at him weirdly.
---
A few hours later, I was back in the kitchen, a half-eaten tub of ice cream on the table, texting again with Laura and smiling at my phone.
Dad walked in, having just finished listening to an entire song on the radio. He stood still for a moment, impressed.
“That is really good,” he said with a proud smile, looking over at me.
He was referring to Marshmello’s -my- new track, “Hear Me Now.” (Alok)
“Glad you liked it,” I said, smiling back.
Just then, Uncle Charlie strolled into the kitchen.
“Hey,” Charlie greeted.
“Hey,” Dad and I responded.
“You’re home early,” Dad noted.
Charlie grabbed my tub of ice cream from the table. “Alan, if you’ve got something to say, why don’t you just come out and say it?”
“Hmm... You’re home early?” Dad repeated, not fully following.
Charlie narrowed his eyes. “Yeah, that’s smart. Keep pushing me.”
"Okay, Uncle Charlie, what happened?" I asked, looking at him.
He huffed but answered, “She probably just had to get up early, like she said.”
“Probably. Unless her real date didn’t start until later… and she just didn’t wanna eat alone,” I said
“What?” Charlie frowned.
“Oh, come on, Uncle Charlie. Double-booking. You practically invented it.”
Alan looked over, clearly irritated. “What are you teaching my son?”
“I’m not learning, Dad,” I said unfazed. “I don’t do double-booking dates.”
I might fool around, but the girls I kiss know exactly what it is. They know we’re just having a good time. And I’m totally against cheating
"No, she wouldn’t do that to me. Why would she do that to me? Did she do that to me? She did that to me, didn’t she?" Charlie said, spiraling a little.
He kept going.
“She doesn’t call when she says she will. She won’t let me sleep over. She’s obviously seeing other guys. So why can’t I get her out of my head?”
He paused, then muttered under his breath,
“She’s gorgeous, but she’s also self-centered… she’s promiscuous, she’s commitment-phobic…"
He suddenly froze, eyes wide. “Oh my God.”
“I’m dating myself.”
Alan crossed his arms and snorted. “Now that’s what I call karma.”
Charlie glared at him in silence.
I just shook my head.
---
The next day, Uncle Charlie mentioned something about "paying it back" and went out again with Sherri. A few hours later, he returned.
Dad and I were in the living room when he walked in.
“So, how’d it go?” Dad asked.
“Great,” Charlie said, feigning confidence. “I took control. I regained my self-respect. I walked out of there with my head held high.”
"So, blue balls..." I murmured. "But still has balls..." I added
“Good for you. Good for you,” Dad nodded. “So you’re done beating yourself up?”
“Not quite,” Charlie replied.
Yeah, it wasn’t a war Uncle Charlie could win. Either way, he was going to lose something.
Omake:
Ross: “Finally, I'm not the butt of the blue balls jokes anymore”
