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Weather the Storm
🕑 Added 2024-08-16 14:42:09 +0000 UTCHappy Fluff(angst) Friday! This written work is a collaborative effort by myself and SantaTheGrey (check him out on YouTube!)
This work is not Beta'd, we die like men.
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They’d been traveling on foot for the last few days. The sunrises and sunsets had blurred together, Fiadh wasn’t actually sure how many days had passed as she followed Njotr across the countryside. They’d kept mostly to the main roads, though sometimes it was safer and faster to cut across the meadows and woodlands. Despite being used to traveling over long distances, Fiadh’s feet ached and her body felt stiff from all the walking. They’d finally stopped when the evening crept in slowly, late in the day. It was summer and the days were long and hot, and Fiadh was sure half of her exhaustion was from the heat alone. She was relieved when dark clouds had gathered overhead, with the hope that a rainshower would cool things off a bit, even if it made setting up camp more difficult. Even the evenings remained warm as the sun sunk below the horizon, humidity hanging heavily in the air.
They’d strayed off the dirt road they’d been following the last couple of hours, to find a place to settle for the night. The aching Fiadh felt in her step must have been obvious to Njotr, because he advised her to sit and rest while he scouted the surrounding area for a good place to set up camp. Fiadh didn’t protest, and sat down in the long summer grass by a large tree as Njotr slipped away somewhere nearby. Fiadh was glad to take a moment to catch her breath and sag against the roots of the tree. With Njotr gone, she felt at ease to actually give in a bit to the exhaustion she felt, since she never wanted to seem like a burden when they were traveling. They’d only been traveling on their own for about 5 months, and even after that amount of time, Fiadh didn’t want to give him any reason to think she was better off back home. She wiped at the dust and dirt she could feel caked over her skin, and silently hoped there was a river or body of water nearby that they could wash in.
She didn’t really keep track of the time that passed, but eventually it started to rain. It felt blissfully nice at first, but as it became heavier, she knew getting her clothes soaked to the bone wouldn’t be in her best interest. Reluctantly, she pushed herself up with a groan and scoured the small area around her, heading in the direction Njotr had set off in. By some luck, she noticed an abandoned wagon that had been wheeled off the main road a ways. It was turned on its side, with weeds and grass nestled around it, the result of a wreck a long time back, perhaps. It seemed like the perfect place to take cover from the rain until Njotr returned.
Thunder had started to rumble overhead, growing closer and increasingly louder as the dark storm clouds shadowed what little evening light was left. The sound of the rain was nice, and Fiadh had always liked stormy weather. It reminded her of the sea, of her childhood home, long before anything bad had happened. Still, the loud thunder startled her slightly as it passed over directly above her, and she listened to the rain pelt against the wooden panels of the wagon’s side. She’d tucked herself within, sheltered and hidden and safe, her knees drawn up to her chest and her head ducked slightly in order to fit in the small space.
She must’ve gotten lost in the sound of the rain as time passed, because she hadn’t even noticed Njotr until he was standing right in front of her, just a few feet from the wagon. He’d been so quiet, she hadn’t heard him approach, or had even seen him step into view somehow. She looked up at him, and something about his expression was off. He was just…staring at her, and his body seemed tense, like an animal with its hackles raised. He briefly looked around the area, the rain clinging heavily to his clothes and his hair, despite his hood being up. He looked around as if he expected danger, looking for something to fight off, some threat he had to eliminate. But there was nothing but the rain, and when his eyes returned to her, his brows were furrowed with uncertainty.
“...Fi?” There was careful tension in his voice, and he took a slow step closer to her as if he were approaching a wild animal. His hand raised in a placating gesture, and it confused Fiadh and reminded her of the first time he’d truly seen her shift into animal skin. The rain had calmed somewhat, the sound softer now, but there was another sound filling her ears. Loud breathing, quick and shallow and panicked.
Fiadh blinked, suddenly noticing how her chest ached, her heart pounding rapidly against her ribs. All sense of feeling came back to her in a rush, as if she’d been totally detached from her body before. Her fingers were digging into the skin of her legs, and her chest felt heavy, as if someone were standing on it. The frantic breathing was her, she was clawing for it like her lungs had stopped working, and she couldn’t get enough air. Oh gods, she was dying.
Njotr carefully approached and knelt down, bracing one hand on the sideboards above Fiadh’s head. She watched his eyes scan over her, looking for the cause of her distress, looking for an injury. His eyes returned to hers again when he found nothing obvious, and he observed her with apparent concern.
“What’s wrong? Did something happen while I was gone?” he said, voice calm and measured.
Fiadh’s mouth was open, but she struggled to form words, occupied solely by the quick gasps of breath that she couldn’t seem to control. She felt lightheaded from it and she didn’t know what was wrong. Nothing had happened that she’d noticed at least, she had just been listening to the rain, hadn’t she? Her eyes darted over the space she was curled up in, the dark wooden boards feeling closer with each breath she took, and that heavy weight on her chest felt tighter. She struggled to comprehend why she felt this way, but it was something to do with the wagon? The rain? It didn’t make sense, but she couldn’t breathe, and it was making everything worse.
Fiadh’s hand lifted to her chest then, fingers curling and nails digging into the base of her throat, and she could practically feel her rapid pulse and heart through her skin, as if she were physically choking on it.
Njotr’s eyes followed hers, his brow furrowed in concern.
“You’re panicking.” he lowered himself to his knees, closely in front of her.
“Fi.” he said, catching her attention. “You’re safe, I’m here.” he reached for her clenched hand, pulling it away from her chest, instead placing it against his own. Fiadh couldn’t feel his heartbeat through his leather armor, but she felt how it rose and fell with his breathing.
“Can you try to breathe with me?” his other hand steadied her shoulder, eyes still locked onto hers.
It was difficult to focus on anything but the aching in her chest, the panicked sensation that made her think she was dying, but Njotr’s grip on her shoulder helped ground her. It seemed to keep the wooden boards of the wagon at bay, as if his presence were forcing them back again. Fiadh’s eyes darted to the boards, her hand he held at his chest, and eventually his eyes. Something about them kept her gaze fixed on him, even as she could hear her frantic breaths still in her ears.
“It’s alright. Just in. And out.” he said, each sentence connected to a slow breath.
“Keep your eyes. On me.”
Fiadh could feel tears well in her eyes. She didn’t think she could do it, her heart was in her throat, but Njotr’s eyes never left hers. His hand pressed hers tighter to his chest, and Fiadh felt how slow and steady it rose and fell. She struggled to focus on the rhythm of it, to match her own breathing to it, but feeling it helped. Fiadh tried to force herself to take deeper breaths. It was hard, they still were too fast to match his, but eventually, she was gasping heavier than before, drawing in more air. The dizziness in her head eased a little, and it slowly became easier to endure the pressure in her chest.
Eventually, her inhales were strong enough that she could hear and feel herself let out sobs with each exhale, more in relief than anything else. Her shoulders relaxed slightly, her heart feeling as if it had settled back where it was supposed to be in her chest.
“That’s right, you’re good, it’s fine.” he hummed the meaningless words, one hand still pressing hers against his chest, the other lifting from her shoulder to gently cradle her cheek.
His thumb brushed away a tear, calloused skin warm against hers.
Fiadh listened as her breathing slowly became quieter and calmer, until it was almost matching Njotr’s. She felt exhausted when the feeling, whatever it had been, finally passed and she was able to breathe again, though tired sobs were still slipping from her. She slowly turned her head, her eyes observing the wagon she sat in, the small space completely appearing perfectly harmless once more. It almost mocked her with its stillness, as if the wooden panels hadn’t just been closing in on her like her cage at home. It dawned on her then, and felt her body tense once more.
“It’s a cage.” Her voice shuddered as she spoke, and she wasn’t sure she was speaking in a way that made sense to him. But his eyes followed her gaze, shoulders slumping at her words.
“I see.” He took a deep breath, chewing his lip as he looked at her, then he moved to sit beside her instead, giving her a better view of the open forest behind him.
He draped an arm over her shoulder, pulling her close without holding on too tightly.
“There’s no cage that could hold you now. You’ve broken free.” he hummed, looking out into the trees, which were swaying in the storm’s heavy winds.
Fiadh leaned into Njotr, so grateful for the support of his body beside hers that she felt fresh tears slip down her face. His clothes were wet from the rain, but she could feel his body heat still, and despite the warm evening, it comforted her. She looked out over the wet woodlands before them, the bark of the trees dark from the rain, the leaves heavy in the wind. But despite the weather, several fireflies blinked across the long grass, drawn out by the warm evening.
“I’m sorry.” Fiadh whispered the words out a few minutes later, her throat tight with emotion. She felt foolish for how she’d reacted, for seemingly no reason. She hadn’t been physically trapped in the wagon, she could have left at any time. She hadn’t even felt it coming on, that type of panic. “I don’t know why I….I didn’t mean to.” She blinked through her tears, turning into him a little more.
He leaned into her, resting his cheek against the top of her head, his thumb brushing over her shoulder softly.
“Nothing to apologize for.” he said quietly. Fiadh exhaled shakily, feeling relief settle over her as she relaxed more against his side. She was sure there would be some point where he wouldn’t be as patient with her, as everyone eventually grew. But for now he pulled her a little closer against him, and his hand brushed over her shoulder soothingly. She could feel his calm breath against her hair as they watched the fireflies dance over the grass.
“Did you find a place to camp?” She asked after a few minutes. He hummed affirmatively against her hair.
“We’ll go when you’re ready, not like it’s going anywhere.” He answered, and the calm sureness of his voice comforted her even more than his warm embrace. “Besides, it’s still raining.”
