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Murder in the House of Mystery - Episode 06
🕑 Added 2022-11-12 03:31:51 +0000 UTC
EPISODE SIX: SIXTH CIRCLE (HERESY)
INT. INTERVIEW PARLOUR - NIGHT
JON: Apparently we were too loud.
HARLEY: Oopsie.
INT. HOUSE OF MYSTERY - NIGHT
EDWARD is awoken by arguing.
EDWARD: Oh god, what now?
EDWARD steps out in the hallway.
OSWALD: What did I say would happen if you didn’t keep quiet?
JON: Oh, so you don’t hear Jervis gettin’ popped down the hall, but THIS wakes you up?
HARVEY: Someone shot Jervis?
OSWALD: Call it selective hearing - but a warning is a warning.
EDWARD: Jon and Harley left alone in a room doing something loud enough to wake up Oswald. A part of me would be curious were I not filled with both exhaustion and apathy.
INT. INTERVIEW PARLOUR
HARLEY: We played Twister.
JON: Yes we did.
HARLEY: Then we fucked.
JON: Yes we did.
INT. HOUSE OF MYSTERY
HARVEY: Can we back up? Who shot Jervis?
HARLEY: Eddie - help us sort this out so we can get some sleep.
OSWALD: That’s all I’ve wanted all bloody night, you trollop!
HARLEY gasps and slaps OSWALD.
EDWARD: Ohhhkay! Everyone to their corners.
OSWALD: Nope! They’ve done it now! Someone’s going to fucking die!
EDWARD laughs.
OSWALD: This amuses you?
EDWARD: Of course it does! I’m just waiting for you to say, “Harvey go kill someone for me”! Because God knows you’re not going to do it yourself.
OSWALD: Are you insinuating that I can’t handle my own affairs?
EDWARD: No, no, no. I’m flat out TELLING you, Oswald. I wonder if you’d know how to wipe your own ass without Harvey giving you directions.
OSWALD: I... how... DARE... you! You think I can’t fight my own battles? Hmmm? You want me to handle business myself? Harvey! Your gun.
HARVEY hands OSWALD one of his guns. OSWALD shoots HARVEY; general surprise.
OSWALD: Anything to say now, Edward? Can I sufficiently handle my own business now?
EDWARD: Are you COMPLETELY deranged?
OSWALD: I’m starting to think I’m the only one who’s seeing the world for what it is. Seeing who’s plotting against who.
JON: Nobody’s plottin’ against you. Can’t you see this house is turning against us?
HARLEY: Jonny’s right!
EDWARD: And also, it’s “whom”.
OSWALD lashes out.
JON: Whoa now!
OSWALD: It was all a plan to get me alone, get me vulnerable! Removing pieces from the chessboard!
EDWARD: YOU’RE the one who shot Harvey!
OSWALD: You goaded me into it!
EDWARD: Oh! So if I told you to jump off a bridge, you would?
OSWALD: Aha! You heard it! He’s trying to push me into suicide!
EDWARD: Oh yes, because CLEARLY the REAL rogue here was PEER PRESSURE!
JON: Enough! What is goin’ on here? You two never fight like this. For Christ’s sake, if any two people should be bat shit crazy here, it’s Harley and me.
HARLEY: Yeah! Hey.
JON: Nobody’s gonna be killin’ anybody else tonight!
EDWARD: Especially since I have Harvey’s gun now.
OSWALD: How did you...? Edward - my most trusted friend and confidante.
EDWARD: Here it is...
OSWALD: Th-think of our... history! Our friendship! The exorbitant raise you’ll be getting!
EDWARD: Oh, Oswald...
OSWALD: What are you going to do, Edward?
EDWARD: I’m going to do what you should have done, old friend.
OSWALD: No, Edward!
EDWARD fires the gun. It hits HARVEY again.
OSWALD: I... I’m alive.
EDWARD: Of course you are.
JON: Well then who did you shoot?
EDWARD: Harvey again. Oh come on, it was driving us all crazy that Oswald only shot him once. It’s the LEAST we could do, to put his spirit at rest.
HARLEY: You’re an absolute mensch, Eddie.
EDWARD: Thank you, Harley. Now can we all PLEASE go back to bed?
OSWALD: Capital idea, Edward. And perhaps for safety's sake, Mr. Dent’s pistol should be relieved of its cargo.
EDWARD: Good idea.
EDWARD empties the bullets.
OSWALD: Most excellent. After all, I’d be a fool to bring a knife to a gunfight!
OSWALD arms his umbrella.
JON: Oh for fuck’s sake!
HARLEY screams.
EDWARD: Everyone run! He’s got an umbrella!
INT. INTERVIEW PARLOUR
EDWARD: Just between you and me, I’m starting to get the feeling that, maybe... just maybe, John Constantine was on to something about this place.
Comments
I wanna remind edward that oswald did bite a guys nose off sometime ago so 🤷
Not the Two-Face Double Tap lmaoo
