Voidseeker_
patreon
I can't sleep, the night scares me.
🕑 Added 2022-05-28 02:31:29 +0000 UTCHello dear Patrons, this is an important communication that I want to share with you.
My absence on the page but everything has a reason and it is what I come to write today as a diary page, I really would like you as the people who support me and who expect content from me to know.
The reason for my "artistic block" if that is how I should call it is because of the environment in which I live, as I have mentioned before, I have dedicated myself for 5 years to the rescue of animals in street or abuse situations and my main objective Now it's saving as many dogs and cats as possible, however at this point I'm reaching my limit because of the people around my neighborhood and my house. They are the most irresponsible people with whom no one would want to live in many aspects because they are selfish, dirty, ignorant, mistreated and everything negative that may exist.
Some of my close acquaintances are aware of my “extra” work, they have asked me if I have not reported it and of course I have, but unfortunately where I live, protections towards animals is something that is classified as not a priority (among other things).
That is only part of it because a month ago I went through a trauma where I had to see how one of the dogs killed one of the cats that I had just caught to sterilize in front of me. In order not to make this so long, what I did was catch the cat, sterilize it and release it, as some of you know, shelters around the world are full of dogs and cats that need to be adopted, and in order not to generate more "problems" I wanted to do that, catch, sterilize and release but fate that day was different for me and I had to witness something that I should not have seen or that it was only a matter of time for it to happen. It's been a month and I have trouble concentrating, I don't sleep well because I wake up from panic attacks and I'm alert most of the time because now the dog's barking is so engraved in my brain that I can even distinguish it from the others. I forgot to mention the insignificant detail that that dog (dogs because there are two of them) live next to my house, they belong to my neighbors, one of the many irresponsible people that I hate.
Right now I have gotten up at dawn most of the time due to the same dog barking, my trauma is so exposed that I have to go out to see that there is not a cat that could fall back where the dogs are, if I hear noises I think that it's a cat, if I hear other noises I think they are meowing so my brain and body are stressed, anguished, worried and very afraid of reliving that moment again. I am in a constant negative thought where, even though it is uncertain what will happen, I am convinced that I must do it to avoid another tragedy because I knew that these dogs have already killed cats 4 times, so the chances that they will do it again are greater because Like I said, I live in a place where the worst people surround me.
I have sought psychological help but based on my experience they do not take the issue as seriously as I would like them to, I feel that they minimize this because they do not share the same knowledge and pain that I do. There was once a doctor who simply told me "It's something that must happen". I understand that it is their job to be "logical" but perhaps that is not the way and the words that can help someone in my state, so yes friends, I have sought help because I am getting fed up with the anguish that I am experiencing right now.
All this is affecting my work, my desire to draw something that makes me very angry because it is caused by something that I cannot control. As I mentioned before, at the moment this is affecting me a lot but I am also doing my part to get ahead. I don't want them to think that I don't draw or upload content because I don't feel like it, but because what I live with every day is impossible to do, it's living stressed, depressed, with a guilt that I shouldn't feel because I'm not guilty of the irresponsibility of the people but unfortunately it affects it a lot and it is not easy to flee or leave. Every day I look for a way to reflect on making my condition improve no matter how difficult the road may be because I am really getting very tired, I am getting tired of always fighting against a society that is not willing to evolve, listen and take responsibility. I'm tired of not sleeping, of being anxious about uncertain futures that may or may not happen, I'm getting tired of giving my life to horrible situations. Actually, I don't give a damn about people, but at the same time I don't because they are the cause of my main illness. However, they won't care how I feel tomorrow, so I have to start taking care of my health. henceforth. I have been gradually moving away from anything that has to involve people and animal rescues because it is always anguish, anger, hate… It is nice and satisfying to help a cause but the happiness is very little and the pain is too much.
I wrote all this not only so that you know about my current "deplorable" state, but also about the big problem I'm going through, why you can't see my drawings, the reality of why I can't move forward as I would like for something that I don't I can control.
I do not ask for words of support or time, only for them to understand that it is not easy for many artists to follow a "desirable" rhythm due to the problems that we do not face, that in reality many of us face, whether they are family, economic, love, social or, like me, against a society that is not willing to respect animals, that only have dogs because they consider them things and well…
I have friends and family who support me but there is little they can do if I am not the one who works on his mind and supports himself, I must understand that it is not my fault and that I have done everything in my power, I am not responsible of people's negligence and that I can't control everything.
If you read everything up to here, I thank you very much for taking the time to do it and I hope you understand the pain that someone like me must endure day by day but who still learns to be a better person or at least not be part of a problem.
Comments
I hope to be well soon too, thanks 🙏
Thank you very much, I am looking for a way to heal my mind little by little because the situation I am experiencing at the moment is very difficult and I hope to be better soon, thanks for the kind comment
AA占星術
I’ve read this and I can’t possibly understand what you’re going through. It hurts to know something you’re so passionate about turn to something that wakes you up at night. I don’t know why dogs do what they do, but still it’s not something that is pleasant to see. I hope you are able yo overcome this and honestly all the people here that are supporting you rather see YOU okay than force you to see your art. You’re more than an artist. You’re a person that has your ups and downs and you will overcome it even if it takes longer than you expect. Just stay safe, keep your chin up and rest. Know we are here for you whenever you need it 💜
tohjoma
I'm by your side my friend. This is a horrible situation, and I really hope things will get better for you very soon.
It's ok, it's something I have to face in order to get ahead, thanks for reading my post🫂
Thank you very much, you are very kind, I infinitely appreciate your comment and help, I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking the time to read my situation, I hope to get out of all this anguish very soon to return to drawing🫂🫂🫂
Alex Stephens
I'm sorry you had to go through that Void.
Flutternutter
Oh void, I am deeply saddened you went, and still are going through this. You are such a kind soul and don't deserve any of that. I'm always here or on twitter to talk or help you in any way. If there is literally anything i could do to help just ask me. Please do take care hun. 💖🫂
