ehrrr
patreon
Life Update - Thursday, August 27th, 2020, 12:33 a.m., 19°C, Humidity 97 %
🕑 Added 2020-08-27 04:33:38 +0000 UTCDisclaimer: The following post is a blog-tier post. If you are vaguely interested in reading through the thoughts of this artist, then by all means carry on. If not, go back to being a degenerate or some shit.
hi - I usually don't do any vent posting but this one I want off my chest.
Art is something I've loved doing ever since high school and I've really grown from modifying traces and bashfully showing off my early stuff to classmates later in college. I love nothing more than the times I'm in the zone and can post plenty of content back to back for everyone to enjoy, but every creator goes through moments that their doubt really gnaws at their psyche.
It's gotten to the point that I feel I've really stifled my growth and am unable to push the bar for what I can create - I feel like my worse enemy suddenly getting afraid to experiment and push my brand further even if it's something I obviously want. Are we meant to be this dysfunctional or is it just me??
I plan on continuing my pursuit to create the content that makes me happy no matter what, but in moments of weakness it's getting tempting just to put the pen down at times and do what I can to avoid the weight of it all hanging on my mind.
I grew very complacent with anxiety getting the best of me for so many years and I know fully well life has its ups and downs as I go forward. Very soon I will be moving in with my partner to begin our lives together. No matter how much struggle or strife may lie ahead, I will continue to provide a variety of ways I can draw flustered girls for you all to enjoy.
With this change I'm certain that I'll be able to double down on practice and get through my commission backlog without having a mental crisis every time I even try to scratch the surface. I love you all for keeping me encouraged and inspired through the years so far - please look forward for more.
In-regards to Patreon...
Buzz about the internet surely has been interesting given the recent debacles featuring this very platform and many other artists has me doing a massive concern. Ain't necessarily bringing this to an end, but the possibility of being axed ain't my cup of tea. Back-ups are nice to have.
Personally been thinking of a Pixiv Fanbox as the secondary platform of tipping, or even Onlyfans if that's a thing worth looking into :thonk:
Y'all can yell at me at let me know. 8)
Comments
ehrrr
Excellent purchase, wish I got my own copy ;__; Also the doubt thing plagues me like a motherfucker, but I will continue to work through and eventually conquer these shitty feels. I've made significant process given my last 2 years of fuck-all, so I can only look forward to what the future holds.
Sparkman
It's a shame to hear you're struggling with self-doubt so much. From my perspective, you have a lot to be proud of and a lot of talent. I'm sure you'll feel better after the move. Also, I still have the Kagerou daki cover you made and cuddle it every night. F---ing gorgeous.
ehrrr
Nah it was a really scribbly momiji colouring experiment. I was presenting on drawing tablets for marketing purposes, my art was used as an example. I want to fucking scream thinking about it.
weaboo trash
Im glad youre feeling like things are going up for you ehrrr, I wish you and your partner a safe move in. I'm happy to see anything you draw, and Im sure everyone is too tbh, I hope youre able to bring out the best of you from your partner and vice versa. Ily man, stay safe. Also Im curious if you showed your college friends flustered and tied up girls, youre a chad if you ahve
ehrrr
I will continue to fight in order to better my work and pump out t h e g o o d shit
AlistairTheWolf
Ah, anxiety. My dearest enemy. As someone too frequently deterred by it, it's usually not a great voice of reason. Fear and intimidation? Sure, but not really reason. I've fought pretty hard to let myself actually do what I want. Don't want you being controlled by that feeling, it isn't fun. The flustered and ever submissive girls are the best. We always need more of this degenerate work.
ehrrr
I appreciate this a lot. It's real easy to find myself going down the same path and stuck in the same cycle of self-depreciation, especially when said creative deadzones hit. The toughest struggle right now is to break out once more and harness my degeneracy for new things. I look forward to sharing all of my content with y'all
SG
Harboring doubts about your work just seems like a natural element of making art. Because there's no definitive style or approach that you can work towards, the whole act is never truly 'solved' and you're never really 'done'. While you can get genuinely better at certain elements of creation in a vacuum, at the end of the day, a lot of what we define as artistic 'progress' isn't really moving up so much as it is moving in a different direction. The reality of that can be pretty draining as much as it is freeing, because it can feel like you're never really accomplishing anything. And it can be daunting to have those creative deadzones when being an artist is a part of your personhood. Having those downtimes or feeling like you're just not getting anywhere can easily make you feel like you're 'failing' at being an artist. Anyways, just thinking a little aimlessly over here. I just wanted to sat that feeling a little uncertain about yourself with regards to art isn't super weird, even though its never any fun. Hopefully you can get yourself out of that funk and feel confident trying out new things, but don't beat yourself up over it if doesn't pan out right when you want it to.
