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Chapter 13: Ardent Awakening
🕑 Added 2023-10-07 02:48:47 +0000 UTCFor many long arduous hours, Rowan was tortured by the Silent Sisters. As they worked their grim art, a warden, one of the educators, droned on with an unrelenting tirade of blame. Each word hammered on that Anri’s death was her fault, that Rowan’s unwillingness to act and her feeble attempts at comfort led Anri to the irrational decision that would cause her own demise.
The warden let Rowan know that had she only done what had been expected, then the fight would have eliminated any chance of such thoughts from forming; that with the fight done, the knife would have been taken from her possession. Finally, he argued that had she been a true friend, Rowan’s compassion would have allowed her to take on some of Anri’s pain, lessening the damage long enough for the guards to have prevented her death.
It was all meaningless. They could spout all the rhetoric that they wanted to. It mattered not. Rowan could not, would not, hear them. Even the pain of her torture was nothing compared to the emotions she was feeling.
It was a feeling akin to when she lost her mother. It was primal, something that couldn’t be described in one or two simple words. It was pain, grief, loss, guilt, despair, and so much more. It was a deep umbral darkness and through it, Rowan could see the cracks. Was this the end?
“Don’t let ‘em win!”
Through the cracks, Rowan heard a voice. She recognised it. Rina was speaking to her again.
How? What? Why? Where have you been?
“Always here. Always with you.”
This was something different. Before, Rina had never directly responded to Rowan’s thoughts.
I don’t understand!
“Talking is hard. Your voice, it doesn’t carry. Not like your feelings.”
Why now, though? Why not before?
“Because I’m incomplete. I sacri… my core… rescue mother… set… free.”
Rina?
“I can’t main… this much longer. Be strong… not your fault. Mother sends her love.”
And with that, the voice was gone. Rina was gone, but a part of her remained.
What if it's already too late? I’m such a failure. I don’t…
No, I cannae think like that. It doesn’t matter if I deserve Ma’s love or not, I have it, and I won’t let it go to waste.
The thought gave Rowan a small token of strength, and a shadow of a smile broke through the grimaces of pain. Seeing Rowan smile, the Silent Sisters grew livid, as if the act was a personal slight against their craft.
This was a completely different side to them. The warden could do nothing to respond to their anger as one grabbed one of Rowan's fingers, a fire in her eyes, and twisted it back with a resounding crack. In almost perfect tandem, the other pierced the flesh of the small of Rowan's back with her crystalline needles, carving a winglike cross on either side of her spine. The pain that followed was beyond words, as if every bone in her body shattered, the shards lacerating her nerves from within.
“ROWAN!”
The intense pain called back Rina’s cries, however, it all came too late as the pain drained out her voice. In her newfound agony, Rowan was left completely and utterly alone, unable to shake away the suffering.
*****
For three days straight, Rowan was tortured. The Silent Sisters did not rest. Even the requests of Lord Fein would not stop them. Rowan closed herself off from the world and from everyone in it. She was unworthy. The silent cries of Rina echoed from the depths of Rowan’s heart, landing on deaf ears.
Instead, Rowan only heard the mocking laughter of a phantom revelling in her despair. She huddled around the last embers of comfort that remained within her being.
Why am I losing everything? It’s not fair! It’s not…
No one was coming to her aid. No one was going to save her from breaking. All she had was her own wavering strength. She was bound by the shackles of grief, weighed down by the crushing emptiness of isolation, and crippled by fear. Even the Silent Sisters were beginning to feel it. She hated them so much.
Why can’t they feel it? They should be crippled by the same pain I am.
It was almost too much.
No more!
She couldn’t keep running and hiding. She hadn’t lost everything. She wasn’t broken. Not yet. Tehri was alive and so was she. Seres and Kiriin could still be saved. It didn’t matter that no one was coming to save her; she would save herself. Though her body cried, Rowan stood resolute. Though her heart grieved, Rowan moved forward. The Silent Sisters had pushed too far. Before, she had been cracking. Now, they closed the gaps with each passing hour.
This ends now! I cannae let my feelings destroy me, nor can I reject them. I am my feelings and my feelings are me. So what if I falter every now and then? So what if I cry? It proves that I am alive, and I WILL KEEP LIVING!
Rowan practically screamed her defiance across the threshold and prayed that her words would reach everyone she had lost. They had forged their weapon.
*****
Rowan was kept in isolation for an entire week following Anri’s death. When the wardens finally came to bring her back, she gave them a look of determination. “Take me to Lord Fein,” she demanded. They obliged happily. Rowan could see their smiles. They thought that she had finally cracked and that she was about to give in. She followed them proudly as they led her to Lord Fein’s office.
Lord Fein looked as genteel and well-dressed as he always did. He gave Rowan a polite smile. “What can I do for you, Miss Rowan?” he asked, “Finally looking to accept my generous offer?”
“Hardly.”
“Then why are you here?”
“To make a bargain of my own,” Rowan responded confidently.
“Oh really? And what are the terms of this bargain that you have come to offer?”
“I want to take on all of the suffering and torment meant for Seres, the Ferran girl with the Mark of the Goddess in my cell. If she is to be punished, punish me instead. If she is to be tortured, torture me in her place. I will take it all. I won’t let you break her.”
“And what makes you think that I would accept this deal?”
“Because you want me to break, and you want me to be as strong as I can be when I do. That’s why you will also continue to have me trained. Furthermore, if I break, you will be able to consider this agreement void. It’s not like I’d be able to stop you. Not only that, but if I break, you’ll probably come up with some way to use it against her. Think about it.”
“You make some fair points. Especially about being able to break her highness if you were to crack under the weight of the suffering meant for her. Your friend, Kiriin, is already a perfect example of that fact.”
“You wouldn’t!”
“I didn’t do a thing, Miss Rowan. She just came to the conclusion that Miss Anri’s death had caused you to shatter into a thousand pieces, so to speak. She didn’t last long after that. You know, it’s rare that I see someone withdraw that deeply into themself. If anything…”
Rowan’s will wavered for a second before she steeled herself for what came next. Her heart ached for Kiriin. She didn’t want to believe that she could fall so easily. Such thoughts were an insult to her childhood love. Nothing that happened in these caves was easy and Rowan had come within seconds of breaking countless times during her tenure with the Silent Sisters. If her position had been reversed with Kiriin, she’d have been inclined to think the same thing. Alas, there wasn’t anything she could really do about it.
“Doesn’t change a thing,” Rowan said, almost callously. “Do we have a deal? You risk little and I get to maybe save a young girl from being used in your sick war.”
“Don’t you want to try saving your friend as well?”
“If I did, you’d probably make me choose between the two, and I cannae make that choice. Not now. So I’ll let logic and reason make the choice for me. I cannae save everyone, after all.
“I can’t save everyone. Not yet.”
“Fine. You are a smart little girl, aren’t you? I’ll tell you what, you’ve managed to pique my interest and I was quite the gambling man in my youth. As such, I will add an additional term to the deal in your favour.
“If Princess Seres comes to any physical harm under my direct orders while you remain unbroken, I will permit the two of you a kind of freedom. A house arrest, if you will. If any of my men and women act against orders in this matter, they will be dealt with. In the name of the Goddess, I swear.”
“I can accept that.”
“I look forward to you joining us, Miss Rowan.”
“Not gonna happen. I may not be strong enough yet, but it is only a matter of time. I promise in the name of Niir Talæren, Goddess of the Awakened Eyes, Betrothed of the Sun, and Mother of all Life, that I will break free of these shackles.
“From this day, you and the so-called ‘Good Lords’ are marked. I will see that every last one of you falls. You will not hold us forever. I have Awakened and the world will know the strength of an Ardent’s tears.”
Rowan stood adamantly in defiance as she uttered an oath that made the world beneath her feet shudder in shock. She had spoken the name of the Goddess. She heard and the Goddess wept. Meanwhile, Her daughter, Illyria, shook with anger, and the Heart of the Sun grew fierce. That day the world saw storms of the like that hadn’t been seen in over a thousand years, and the Chain of Fire grew restless. Even Lord Fein could not deny the significance of what had just happened and he trembled.
That day, everything changed.
*****
Lord Fein collapsed into his chair as soon as Rowan was escorted out of his office. At first, he thought she was just blowing hot air in light of her friend’s death. He’d seen that kind of behaviour time and time again. Every time whatever bargains they made ended with him ahead. This shouldn’t have been the exception. The circumstances were lining up to create a perfect soldier.
She just had to make that oath!
Because of her foolishness, he couldn’t even back out of his own side of the bargain, lest he be marked an oathbreaker by the Goddess. Fein wasn’t sure what the consequences of invoking the Goddess’ true name would be, but he’d heard the rumours of calamity that sometimes followed such oaths. It was anecdotal evidence at best, but his Gift prevented him from taking the risk. One’s own life was never a bargaining chip for a Philosopher such as he.
Such reasoning was also why he didn’t just have Rowan killed. Such a flagrant waste of potential would not go unnoticed by the Good Lords, and when they would inevitably investigate, Fein could not picture a sequence of events that did not lead to his death. Either they would kill him straight up, or they’d kill him for getting himself into such a mess. As such, the only choice was to play along and pray that Rowan broke like all those who had come before her.
*****
Storms started ravaging the face of Illyria, and Rowan returned to her cell as a new woman. She was still young, yes, but she had also forged herself a purpose from the crystalline hammers of her tormentors. It had been an exhausting ordeal, one that would leave her scarred for years to come. Even so, she pulled through. At the same time, she wished that it hadn’t come at the cost of Anri’s life. Her loss would haunt Rowan for years to come. She refused to let her death be in vain, however.
This was the beginning of the end and in spite of everything, she smiled as she stepped back into the cell. It was the home she hated to see and the home she would one day destroy.
Rowan saw Seres look up with raw eyes and tears streaming down her face when Rowan took her first steps inside the cell. “Rowan!” Seres cried out and rushed into Rowan’s arms with a leap. “I thought you were never coming back.” She was sobbing audibly into Rowan’s chest, drawing a fair bit of attention to the pair.
“Of course, silly. It’ll take more than that to break me.” Rowan wrapped her arms around the younger girl and patted her head, neglecting to mention how close she had actually come.
“What happened? No one would tell me the details. Only that you and Anri had screwed up massively.”
“You should probably sit down for this,” Rowan said with a sympathetic tone. In truth, she knew that she would need to be sitting down as well to break the news to Seres.
“What? Why?” Concern started to touch Seres’ voice.
“Just trust me,” Rowan responded as she turned to see that all the cots had been occupied. She turned to look at a boy on the closest one who was trying very hard not to maintain eye contact with her. He was also notably not using it to sleep. “Move,” Rowan commanded, “You can have it when we’re done.”
He tried to stammer a response, but Rowan just glared at him. He stopped after that and scampered away to give the girls his seat. Rowan gave him an appreciative smile. When they sat down, Rowan took Seres’ hands into hers and looked compassionately into Seres’ deep gold and blue cat-like eyes.
“This isnae gonna be easy to hear, but you gotta listen. On the day I was taken, Anri and I were pitted against each other in the arena. We weren’t about to go at each other, but the wardens just had us whipped. It was too much for Anri. She just wanted it all to stop, so she cut herself with the knife they had given her. The hate overwhelmed her and within seconds, it was over.”
Rowan was being careful to be clear with her explanation rather than obfuscate any of the facts. She would learn eventually and it was better to learn from a friend. Plus, Rowan had a better way to soften the blow. Through her compassionate touch, Rowan let Seres’ pain flow into her. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.
Seres was breathing heavily as Rowan finished the first part of her explanation. It was a lot to take in. “That’s awful,” she said in a mortified tone.
“Yes,” Rowan said simply. There was no point adding any unnecessary bells and whistles and it would only complicate things. Instead, she continued with her explanation, staying in contact the entire time.
“You don’t need to worry about them torturing you or anything now,” she said at the end. “I made a deal with Lord Fein to take on anything and everything meant for you.”
“No, you can’t!” Seres sounded horrified at the idea. “It’s too much! I can handle it.”
“So can I,” Rowan smiled, “especially if you aren’t suffering. I failed Anri. I won’t fail you.”
“I’m not your responsibility,” Seres objected, trying to pull away slightly.
“But you are my friend,” Rowan stressed. “I can handle whatever pain they throw at me. They want me to be a weapon so they won’t risk breaking my body beyond repair. That’s nothing. The Silent Sisters peaked last week and it only made me stronger. The thought of that being directed at you, however? That could break me.”
“You say it like you can’t feel pain anymore. Physical pain, that is.”
“Hardly; it hurts like a bitch. I’d rather wrestle with a Drakiir or get trampled by a stampeding bull.”
“Then…”
“It’s still better than seeing you suffer. I promise I will free us from this place and return you home. From this day until the day my soul fades, we are soul sisters, as are all that I love.”
Taking Rowan completely off guard, Seres actually giggled at that. “Everyone?” she asked. “Even boys or your parents?”
“Well, who says boys cannae be sisters?” Rowan blushed. “And. Well. You know what I meant,” she said in an accusatory tone.
“You were being too serious. But I like the sound of being your sister. Just so you know, this doesn’t make you the new second princess of Llen Fær and the Chain of Fire.”
In response, Rowan gave Seres a look that went from confusion to comprehension, to “obviously”, and finally to mirth. The two girls laughed and the cell was a little brighter for the time being. Shortly after, they let the, now, very confused boy have his cot back.
*****
After her conversation with Seres, Rowan realised that Amran wasn’t around, so she decided to wait for him in his usual spot. She even gave Seres a wink as she did her best impression of Amran meditating. Her plan sort of fell flat when the exhaustion caught up with her and she inevitably passed out. She was awoken some time later by some gentle shaking and a calm and collected voice. “Rowan, wake up. You’re drooling.”
Rowan’s resulting wake-up from those words was far from calm or gentle. “Huh! What? No, I’m not,” she objected suddenly, her eyes wide open and the side of her chin very damp.
Amran gave her a flat look as she failed to collect herself. “Welcome back. Care to explain what happened earlier?”
“What do you mean by earlier?”
“With Seres? And that deal that you made with Lord Fein?”
“Oh, that? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory,” Rowan responded, forgetting that she had planned to explain everything to Amran.
“I’m not sure if you are incredibly brave or incredibly stupid with that deal.”
“Wow!” Rowan responded before sticking her tongue out at him. “Rude. But, yeah, it’s probably both.”
“Did you consider the wisdom of your actions first?”
“Long and hard. More than you could imagine even. After they were done torturing me, they left me with nothing other than my thoughts. I realised that they weren’t going to break me through physical pain. They’d already done their worst. It was because of my emotions that I faltered. My greatest strength and my greatest curse as it stands. If I let them do whatever they wanted to Seres, I would break. Losing Anri nearly pushed me over the edge and I won’t let that happen again.”
“What about me?” Amran asked pointedly.
“What about you?” Rowan responded with a confused look.
“Why didn’t you offer to take on my pain and torment?
“Oh. Right. Yeah, that. Because I’m not strong enough to do it for three people, and you seem to have it down.”
“I thought you said that they couldn’t break you with physical pain.”
“My mind, aye, but I know there are still limits to what my body can handle.”
“That’s more intelligent than I was expecting.”
“Hey! It’s not like I’m an idiot, and I dinnae care about what I said before about being incredibly stupid. You cannae use my own words against me.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything,” he smiled in response.
“Well, bleh.” She stuck her tongue out at him again.
“If you are done with your objections, would you mind wiping away the drool that is still there and giving me back my place?”
Rowan jumped up in embarrassment and quickly wiped away at her face to hide her rosy cheeks. “Um yeah, take it.” She returned to Seres immediately after that, only to find out that she had been watching the whole exchange with great amusement.
*****
In the months and years that followed, Lord Fein held true to his word. Seres had been left completely untouched. Physically speaking, at least. They still tried breaking her through indoctrination and mind games. They tried to play heavily into her supposed guilt from what Rowan was going through all because of her. They failed. Just like how they wouldn’t use Seres against Rowan, Rowan made sure that she wouldn’t be used against Seres. It was a simple solution, really, and one that Seres was receptive to. Talking, just like Amran had suggested. He remained as the stoic observer of the cell, always watching and waiting with a perfect clarity of mind.
Rowan had also spent those years being a surrogate for Seres’ mother when it came to helping through the same challenges she had gone through and was continuing to go through in regards to growing up. Both girls garnered more and more interest from the other denizens of the cell. As time went on, however, that number became less and less as more people fell. The intake of new captives slowed down massively after the end of the third year, after all. Even with new people coming to the caves, most didn't last more than a few months. The lucky ones lasted a year and the extremely hardy ones continued to hold strong.
Throughout the rest of the world, things were changing. Seres’ capture had led to thorough investigations into the raider activity on Llen Fær and the surrounding islands. Even the Azure King of Særis started to devote resources away from the Ferran border with the Ru’eni Empire to the south to look into the disappearances at the behest of Queen Elarin of House Lanafae. Even though she had managed to wipe the raider threat from her home, Queen Elarin cursed herself for not noticing it sooner, for letting her daughter travel into such dangers. It didn’t matter that the raiders had been concealing their tracks extremely well before then or that their extremely overt raids from that year was a new behaviour. It was her failure as a Queen, and she wouldn’t rest until her daughter had been returned to her.
Matching Queen Elarin’s wrath, the Chain of Fire had awakened when Rowan evoked the Goddess’ name. Earthquakes and volcanic eruptions were becoming more and more common in the north around Llen Færa and Særis, as were extremely violent storms. Rowan had sworn an oath and the Goddess and Illyria would do what they could to ensure that she had a chance of making it come to pass. Alas, the gods could not easily make such big changes in such a short amount of time. All they could do was set things in motion. After that, it was a matter of time. So they waited and bridged the gap between Rowan and the family she had lost. They would give her the strength she needed when the time came.
When the day finally came, Rowan was ready.
