David Niemitz
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Changelog
🕑 Added 2025-08-30 14:07:29 +0000 UTCIn addition to catching up on suggested edits, I've gone through and done some adjusting re: the Liv / Rose development from chapter 229 on. All changed chapters are now live here, and you can find a changelog below for easy reference.
This isn't to say there might not be a bit more polishing done before the final version sees print, and I'm always interested in more feedback.
229 - After stating that Liv & Rose haven't slept in the same bed in a week, Liv admits she's pushing aside what implications that has for their future
230 - Adjusted Liv's thinking about not needing wool stockings, to keep it consistent with the fact that before that night they hadn't been in the same bed for a week+
232 - At the end of the chapter, when she's concerned about her own state, Liv also thinks that at least at the wall she doesn't have to worry about Rose being poisoned by mana
234 - when thinking through who is brought to parley, Liv now mentions that she considered bringing rose, but there isn't a good political reason for her to be there, and Ghveris is a better choice of bodyguard
238 - Added mention of Rose being unable to sleep after having killed so many soldiers with a single spell (when she opened up the earth)
-mention that they're both so exhausted that they're only passing out next to each other in bed
243 - When the group goes to meet Matthew and Triss, it's now mentioned that Rose was left behind to repair the wall
244 - Rose mentions that she's gotten sick of killing people, when she talks about wanting to build something that people will look at in a hundred years
245 - Rose now nods in agreement when Sidonie reminds Liv that Matthew granting parole is just following Lucanian custom
-when Liv puts on the crown, she now notices that Rose looks panicked
246 - it is now noted that Rose sculpts Liv a chair of stone at her request, removing the implication rose just did it on her own initiative
-breakup rewritten
Comments
Catherine
I've been really enjoying this story and have raced through from book 1 on KU to here in about a week! There are just 2 things that I think could use expanding on if possible. When Liv is accused of murder and leaves Coral Bay she tells the Eld to let her house know they can stop licensing their word to the guilds. There's no follow up on that or the consequences of such an action from the PoV of either humans or eld. Considering that it has to do with food transportation i would think it would have quite the impact and cause issues for Benedict. If i remember right it was also needed funding both Syva and Daiva (not sure about my spelling there!) Also will that still be the case after Benedict is deposed? The other point is that when Keri and Liv argue about who is in charge she tells him that she'd ask him to lead in the war against Benedict as he has more experience there while she is better at dungeon culling. It would be nice to see Keri lead a bit more in that case and Liv follow. I know that Henry and Julianne are mostly in charge however they would still need to take advice from their advisors when planning and Keri could be part of that? Anyway I've really enjoyed this story and can't wait to see what comes next!
Rook
I’ve not reread all the edits but it sounds like you’ve strengthened the distancing between Liv and Rose which makes sense. The rewritten breakup works a lot better, I think. Leaves Rose as a more sympathetic character.
