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The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 15
🕑 Added 2022-07-21 13:01:59 +0000 UTCOTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST
”Okay, Mom. What’s the deal with the posters?” I asked as I climbed into Mom’s rental car. “What are you talking about, dear?” Mom asked, looking puzzled. “The posters!” I exclaimed. “The posters of me that are on sale everywhere!” “Oh, those posters. Did you see them? What did you think?” asked Mom. “Yes, Mom. I saw them!” I said, exasperated. “I couldn’t believe you approved of them! What mother would put pictures like that of her son out for all the world to see?” Mom’s face darkened as she navigated the car through the mall parking lot.
Sounding defensive, she said, “Those aren’t pictures of my son. Those are pictures of a female character you’re playing. Mr. Winters, who has a lot of experience in these things, picked those pictures because he thought they had the potential for big sales.” “I can’t believe I’m hearing this! Those are posters of me. It doesn’t matter if I’m dressed as a girl. It’s still me. Was money your only consideration when you approved of them?”
I shook my head in disbelief. “Michelle, I think you’re over-reacting. Those pictures weren’t that bad. Mr. Winters is committed to keeping your image out of the slut category that a lot of female performers slide into.” “You could’ve fooled me,” I said. “Those pictures were kinda suggestive. Sex sells, huh?” “Oh honey, stop it!” Mom admonished. “You’re making too much of this. Besides, you posed for them.
You must have thought about it.” “I just did what the photographer told me. I didn’t think about it at the time.” “I’ll admit that they are a little sexy, but there’s nothing lewd or dirty about them. Honey, do you honestly think I’d let them publish posters of my daughter that would be considered obscene?”Mom finally found her way out of the parking lot and moved the car into traffic. “Your daughter?” I asked. I don’t know why that bothered me so much since for some reason, today I was actually enjoying feeling girlie. Mom laughed and said, “Sorry. Looking at you, I have a difficult time thinking of you as a son. I’ll be more careful.”
“So, what about the posters, Mom?” I asked. “They’re selling very well, Michelle. I’m not ashamed of them. You’re beautiful in them, a little sexy but still with an innocent girl-next-door look.” Mom took on a very businesslike tone. “They’re perfect because they work on multiple levels. They’re mom friendly, despite what you may think; your young teen girl fans love them because you’re something of a symbol for them.
And your teen boy fans love them because er hmmm, well because you look…” Mom suddenly had a hard time getting words out, “Because you look, well… hot.” Looking at her sideways, I said, “Mom! Think about what you just said! You just said I looked hot! Just admit it, Mom. Guys are buying my posters to jerk off to!”
“Michelle! Don’t use that kind of language. Besides, what’s the point now? Even if we recalled them, thousands have been sold already. They’re not that bad, trust me.”
“Hello?” “Hi, Tommy,” I said, a little breathless. What has come over me, I wondered. Suddenly, I was a swirl of emotions while talking to Tommy. “Michelle!” exclaimed Tommy. “Hey, babe! It’s great to hear from you!” “I just wanted to call and say ‘hi’,” I said. “We’re back in town.” “Cool! How long will you be here this time?” “All summer. Maybe longer.” “Awesome! You’re going to love it here. There’s so much to do,” said Tommy. “So, how have you been?” “I’ve been doing good. And thank you for all the flowers. I’m sorry that I didn’t call earlier to say thank you.” I was so nervous and had trouble thinking of things to say. Usually, Tommy just annoys me. “I’m glad you got them.
Since I didn’t hear anything, I was afraid Ms. Gray was just throwing them away,” Tommy said. “Did you like them? I didn’t know what kind of flowers you liked.” “I got them all!”My room back home was starting to look like a florist shop. Mom wouldn’t let me toss them out until they’d gotten pretty wilted. “I loved them all!” I lied. But, I had to admit it was very sweet of him to send them. “I’m glad you enjoyed them. I was afraid you were mad at me,” admitted Tommy. I hesitated a moment before answering.
Then I said, “I was at first. But I’m not mad at you anymore.” “I’m glad. And I’m sorry if I offended you in any way.”Tommy sounded sincere. “I’d like to make it up to you. Are you free Wednesday night?” “As far as I know. Mr. Winters hasn’t had a chance to fill up all my free time yet. Why?” I asked. “I’d love to take you out to dinner. There’s a great restaurant right by the beach. And, I finally got my driver’s license!” “Sounds great, Tommy.” I hesitated.
He’s asking me out on a date! This isn’t just a publicity thing like the big party. This is a date. With a boy. In all honesty, I should say no. It just isn’t right since I’m not really a girl. “I’d love to, Tommy. But why Wednesday?” He tried to muffle the phone, but I could still make out Tommy exclaiming, “Yes!” Then more clearly he said, “Great! I promise to be a perfect gentleman. I would have suggested Friday night to give you more time, but I’ll be in Mexico Friday for a shoot.” “Another new movie?” I asked. “I just have a small part. It’s a war movie. I just have a few lines, and then I’m killed off.”
“That’s terrible!”I said. “Naw, it’s good. It’ll show I can handle more dramatic stuff.” “I saw your movie today. I loved it!” I said honestly. “Thanks! I’m glad you liked it.” He paused a second and before I could say anything he said, “And hey, I’ve enjoyed your tampon commercials. They’re so good; I actually went out and bought a box.” I laughed and said, “You’re silly!” Tommy laughed too, and then said, “So, pick you up at seven on Wednesday?” “That’d be great!” I said, trying not to sound excited.
The thought of going on date with Tommy both thrilled me and made me feel ill at the same time. “Terrific! The place I’m taking you to isn’t totally formal, but you do have to dress up nice to go there.”There was a slight pause, and then Tommy continued, “Hey, I need to run, so I’ll see you then!” We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone. I just sat there a moment, staring blankly at the wall. A chill flashed down my spine. Just what the hell did I just do? I made a date with a boy. And not just any boy, but a movie star to boot.
Have I gone insane? I suddenly jumped up from where I was sitting and ran into the adjoining room where Mom and John were watching television. “Mom! Mom!” I shouted. “I need a dress for Wednesday night! We have to go buy one!” Mom jumped slightly at the abrupt interruption. She looked at me from her seat and said, “Slow down! Do you need a dress? What are you talking about?” “I have a date, Mom!
For Wednesday night.” I said, starting to hyperventilate. “A date? Do you have a date? I don’t recall you asking if it was okay for you to go out on a date,” said Mom as she sat up straighter, wrinkling her brow. “You’re going out on a date as a girl?” I gave Mom a ‘what, are you kidding?’ look and said, “Mom, it’s with Tommy. Of course as a girl. And, I didn’t think I needed to ask permission.” Before Mom could say anything, John jumped in with, “Whoa! Do you have a date with a guy? That’s just sick, man! Have you flipped?
See, Mom? I told you this girl thing was a bad idea. I mean, listen to him!” “John, just stay out of it!” admonished Mom. “This doesn’t concern you.” Turning towards me, Mom said, “Are you sure about this? I thought you were trying to avoid Tommy.” “At first yeah,” I said, “I wasn’t really comfortable being Michelle. Thanks to Kayla, I’ve discovered it’s kinda fun being a girl.” Mom smiled and said, “I’m glad you finally decided that being a girl isn’t the most awful thing in the world. I’m just not sure if you should be dating boys.” Now I was really confused. I said, “I thought you liked Tommy. I always had the idea you wanted me to go out with him.”
“Actually, I do like Tommy,” Mom said. “He seems like a pretty decent kid. I didn’t really mind him having a crush on you and trying to get your attention. I hoped that would cause you to finally realize that the world saw you as a beautiful young woman, not as the goofy guy-in-a-dress you thought of yourself.
But since you resisted him, I wasn’t too concerned it would lead to anything.” “I’m not planning on marrying him,” I said, sounding frustrated. “While watching his movie today, I decided I was being too hard on him. When he asked me out tonight, I didn’t want to hurt his feelings again.” Mom allowed herself to smile as she said, “You have a crush on him, don’t you?” I didn’t answer right away. I just looked at the floor. Finally, I looked back up at Mom and said quietly, “Kinda I guess.
He’s so nice to me and he is sorta cute.” John shouted from across the room, “That’s just so fuckin’ sick, man!”He looked completely disgusted. “John! What did I just tell you?” scolded Mom. Turning back to me she said, “Yes, Tommy is very cute and very nice. Any girl would love for him to ask them out on a date. But Honey, as much as I really do want you to be comfortable as Michelle and enjoy being here, actually dating someone is a problem.
Tommy is expecting to go out with a girl and as much as we might wish otherwise, the bottom line is, you’re still a boy.” “Nobody’s perfect,” I said quietly. Conflicting emotions boiled in my mind. Even though I was now comfortable with my role as Michelle, I was still sure I had no desire to remain a girl. At first, I was grossed out by Tommy’s interest in me. But now, and God helps me I don’t know why I had a big crush on him.
There was no denying it. “Do you think it’s fair to Tommy? By going on dates, he’s going to think he’s in a real relationship.” “Mom, he’s sixteen and I’m fourteen. He’s had five girlfriends in the past year. I don’t think ‘relationship’ is high on his list. Like I said, I’m not marrying him and …and if he, ah, tries anything, um, funny, I know how to say ‘no’.” Mom frowned and said, “I would hope so. But will you? Sadly, many girls can’t hold on to that conviction when the boy they think they’re in love with starts pressuring them for sex.” John got up and headed for the door saying, “Fuck man, this is totally grossing me out.
I can’t listen to this anymore!”The door slammed behind him. “John!” Mom shouted at the door. She waited a moment to see if he’d return. When he didn’t, she turned back to me and said, “This isn’t an issue of you maintaining your virtue. You’re hiding a secret. A secret that would be devastating to you and to John and the guys. And devastating to Tommy. The press would have a field day with that story.” “Mom!”I cried. “It’s just a date! Stop being so dramatic!
Please say I can go out with him!” I couldn’t believe myself that I was asking Mom for permission to go on a date with a boy. Part of me found what I was doing to be very disturbing. Mom shook her head and said, “I probably shouldn’t, but Tommy seems like a pretty decent kid. You can go out, but make sure you don’t get so caught up in the moment, and forget who you really are.” I couldn’t believe myself. I was almost shaking with glee. I said, “I won’t Mom. I promise. I’ll be a good girl.”
Mr. Winters’ office called rather early in the morning. Hal Winters wanted Mom and me to come by his office that morning. He had some things for me. Mr. Winters’ secretary opened his office door and let us through. Mr. Winters rose from his seat at his desk and walked around to the front of the desk to greet us and shake Mom and my hands. “Good morning, ladies!” he said cheerfully as he walked back around to his seat. “I won’t take up too much of your time this morning, since I planned mainly to let you folks get settled in this week before we start hitting it hard again.”
He looked at us and noticed we were still standing. He gave us an odd look and said, “Please have a seat.” As we sat down, Mr. Winters continued, “Michelle, I have a song I’d like you to learn.” He handed me some sheet music and a page apparently with lyrics. I glanced quickly over the sheet and then said, “Mr. Winters, I can’t make heads or tails out of this.” Mr. Winters chuckled and said, “Yes, I know.
It looks like gibberish, but actually, it’s phonetically spelled. The lyrics are Japanese.” I looked at Hal as if he’d just stepped off a spaceship. I said, “Japanese? Why?” Mr. Winters smiled and said, “Michelle, you are big in Japan. Absolutely huge! Your posters and your country single are selling faster than we can produce them. The studio wants you to record a song, possibly more, for the Japanese market. The song is written by one of the biggest songwriters for idol singers.
This song is almost guaranteed to be a hit.” I laughed and said, “Sure, I’ll do it. I think it’s crazy, but yeah, no problem.” Mr. Winters smiled and said, “Good.” He handed me another set of phonetically written lyrics. “Learn this song too.” Looking at some papers on his desk, he said, “You are scheduled to shoot a video duet with, Maki Goto in about three weeks.
She’s from Japan and she’ll get here a few days before the shoot so you two can learn the choreography.” “Wow. I had no idea I was popular in Japan!” I exclaimed. Again, Mr. Winters smiled and said, “You’re everybody’s favorite girl next door.” I groaned and asked, “Why does that sound so much like an advertising slogan?”
Mom asked, “Is that all you needed us for?” Hal shook his head and said, “Um, no. Just a couple of other items I wanted to give you a heads up for. Michelle, you have a photo shoot on Monday for some cosmetic ads. Once you get a home established and a fax machine or email, I’ll start sending you schedules and special events.” He paused a moment and then said, “One other thing; about the signings you were doing at that music store.
Let’s avoid doing that solo in the future. We usually like to arrange things. You know, stuff like having some of our security forces there and other staff. We usually alert the media, etcetera, etcetera.” “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to. It just sorta happened.”
Mr. Winters gave me a comforting smile and said, “I’m not upset. If it’s not organized, those kinds of things can turn into a zoo.” He paused a moment, then got a curious look on his face. He said, “Michelle um how comfortable are you being a girl?” I thought that was an odd question. I said, “Pretty comfortable, I guess. I don’t give it a thought, actually.” Leaning forward in his chair, Mr. Winters asked, “Um, considering how natural you seem to be at it, have you given any thought to the idea of, uh, well, staying a girl?”
“Uh, no,” I said. “That’s a really weird thing to ask somebody, Mr. Winters.” Hal laughed and said, “You’re very bright, young lady. But, uh I want you to think about it some. As time goes by, it will become harder for you to merely pretend, even with your ah condition.” “To be honest Mr. Winters, I’d planned on going back to being just plain old me after the band fizzles in a year or so.” Mr. Winters shrugged and said, “Give it some thought though.
I know it sounds like a crazy idea. But your career isn’t going to fizzle in a year or so. That is unless you just want it to. But at some point, you’re going to be asked to do something in a bikini or even find that one gown you just have to have for some special event, but you can’t wear it because you have nothing on top. I have some connections that could help; you know therapists, hormones, even surgery after you’re eighteen.
You can be a huge star if you want it.” “Thanks for the confidence, sir,” I said, shock settling in from what he just asked me to do. “I, I’ll think about what you said. That’s not exactly something you’d want to make a snap decision on, is it?”Actually, it’s insane. We drove in silence for a few minutes. I still couldn’t believe what Mr. Winters had suggested. He wanted me to become a girl! The thought made cold chills run down my spine. Granted, there’re some aspects of being a girl that I really do enjoy. But being one, twenty-four seven for the rest of my life?
Finally, I broke the silence, “Mom, what do you think of Mr. Winters’ suggestion?” Mom hesitated a second before answering. She said, “I’ve two minds about it. On one hand, it’s just plain crazy. Getting a sex change operation just so you can be a recording star just seems insane. On the other hand, he’s right. In a few years, if you wanted to pursue a recording career like Michelle, it’ll be harder to hide the fact that you’re a guy. What do you think?” “I’m shocked he’d suggest doing something like that. I’ve had a lot of fun being a girl, but I can always switch back just by washing my face and changing my clothes. And what if my career fizzles after I have a sex change?
Then I’d be stuck being a girl for no good reason.” Taking a moment to look away from the road, Mom said, “I’m just playing Devil’s Advocate, would that be such a bad thing?” “Mom! Of course, it would!”Would it really? I had a lot of fun going over to Kayla’s for an evening of girlie stuff. Playing with make-up, hair and nails, and girl talk. Even with H R T, I’ll never be a complete man. Sure, I’d have facial hair and male features, but I still wouldn’t be able to completely function as a man. And is that really important?
I’m not a girl just because I don’t have balls. If I had a sex change, I wouldn’t be a fully functional girl either. To Hell with it. I was born male, and I never had any desire to be female. Until now. No, scratch that. I don’t desire to be female. I just enjoy it. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Mom. Let’s just forget about it.” Mom gave me a smile of encouragement and said, “Of course, dear. Mr. Winters had no business even suggesting that.” That’s right! I’m a guy, damn it!
We rode in silence for a few minutes. After a while, I said, “Mom. Do you think any of the dresses I already have would be good for my date with Tommy, or should we go look for a new one?”
