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The Girl In The Band - The Lead Singer - Chapter 24
🕑 Added 2022-09-19 13:50:52 +0000 UTCOTHER CHAPTERS | ALL STORY LIST
I just stood there for a second and stared at Tommy. Uncertain, I said softly, “What?” Tommy took a step forward and taking both my hands said, “There’s been an accident.” An icy bolt shot down my spine as an utter feeling of dread washed over me. “An an accident? What are you talking about? What kind of accident?”
I started to feel weak in my knees.
Before answering, Tommy led me a few paces over to a chair. He indicated I should sit. My legs surrendered as I collapsed onto the chair. Tommy swallowed audibly and then said, “Your mother said… yes I do know she’s your mother, said there was some kind of accident involving the band’s bus. I didn’t get any details, but she wants you to come up to Denver right after your concert.” Tears welled up as I cried, “You don’t know if anyone is hurt? My God! Why did you let me finish the concert?
Why wasn’t I told right away? Oh my God! My God!”I started to blubber into incoherency. My stomach started to tie up in knots, and I felt like I was about to be sick. “I got the news just a few minutes ago from a text message from Mr. Winters. You’d just started your last song. I thought it best to let you finish it.” He knelt down beside me. “Mr. Winters has his private jet fueling up.
I had my car brought around to the stage entrance. I’ll drive you to the airport.”When I didn’t move, he said, “You need to come with me now!” I just sat there and said, “Is Mom okay? Is John? Anybody else?” Tommy shook his head and said, “I didn’t talk to her. Hal did. He said that she had a broken arm, and at the time she called, there was no information on anyone else. She wasn’t able to talk for very long, but since she called, I’d say that was a good sign. Come on! We need to go!”
I was only dimly aware of my surroundings. I just sat there in my seat on the private jet, staring, but my eyes not focusing on anything. Tommy sat beside me holding my hand. Somewhere, he’d found a blanket and had placed it over my shoulders. Staring blankly ahead I asked, “I saw you talking on the phone earlier. Any word yet? I can’t stand not knowing anything!”
Tommy put his arm around me in a comforting hug and said, “No. No other news. We’ll be in Denver in another hour.” Finally, I turned my eyes toward Tommy. I said, “Thanks. Thanks for coming with me, Tommy.” I held his hand tighter. “I’m really glad you’re here. I couldn’t handle being alone. Not now.” He smiled weakly and said, “Hey, I’m glad I could help.” I stared at the floor for a minute before turning back to face him.
I asked, “I’m curious though. Why would Hal send you? He could have come himself or sent Brooklyn. I’m not complaining, but why you?” It was Tommy’s turn to look at the floor for a few seconds. Looking a little sheepish and avoiding my eyes, he said, “Because I was there at the concert, in the audience.” I sat up a little straighter and said, “You came to the charity concert?”
I know I wasn’t the only person performing at the concert, but I was still surprised. “I thought you never wanted to see me again.” Tommy hung his head a little more and said, “You say a lot of stupid things when you’re hurt. It really pissed me off that you led me to believe that you were a girl. It pissed me off, even more, when I learned that it was Hal who arranged our first meeting at my birthday party and he didn’t bother to tell me.”
Before I could say anything, he abruptly turned to face me, his eyes boring straight through mine. “Michelle, you’re playing a dangerous game. You know that, don’t you? What if I hadn’t shown up at Julia’s party? You would have been found out. Julia would have made sure that everyone knew you weren’t a girl. She would have destroyed you just so she could destroy me. The truth that I’d been dating a boy would have ended my career, your career, and your brother’s career. She would have taken great delight in that.
If I’d known who you were from the start, I probably would have gone along with publicity photos and I could have maintained deniability.” “I’m sorry Tommy,” I said starting to tear up again. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but don’t forget that I didn’t want to date you at first. I certainly didn’t want you to kiss me.” “You could have told me.” “How? How could I have told you and expected it to remain a secret?
No one on Mr. Winters’ staff knows the truth. Not even Brooklyn.” Sounding irritated, Tommy said, “I’ve kept it secret.” Frowning, I said, “Yeah. You have a vested interest in keeping it secret now. If you feel this way, why did you come to my concert?” “You weren’t the only act, and,” said Tommy hastily. He paused a moment and looked away. “You can’t help who you fall in love with”
Holding my hand and actually leading me, Tommy accompanied me to the hospital. Thankfully, the police forced back the reporters who were lining the walkway to the entrance. Not that there was a teeming crowd of reporters, but there were enough, and they were annoying.
The only thing on my mind was the question of how Mom and John were. And these jerks were shouting inane questions at me, some even asking about my relationships with Tommy and Chad! How could they be so insensitive? As we entered the hospital, a staff member directed us to the elevator and told us which floor to select to go to the ICU.
Mom would be waiting for us there. Apparently, she’d already been released from the hospital. The elevator doors opened and we stepped out into a hallway. Tommy pointed to a sign on the wall that indicated which direction we needed to go to find the ICU. We hurried down the hallway; my stomach filling with dread.
We quickly came to a large open area with seats running along the walls. In one of the seats towards the back of the room sat a woman staring at the floor with her head cradled in one hand. I knew it had to be Mom. I started to call out to Mom, but Tommy, aware that there were potential fans within earshot covered for me by speaking first. “Mrs. Gray! Mrs. Gray! Thank God you’re okay! I’ve brought Michelle.” Wincing a little, Mom stood up. Her left arm hung in a sling and there was a gash on her forehead that had been stitched up.
Her face and arms were bruised and scratched. She only managed one step towards us before I was trying to hug her, but not hurt her injured arm. “Michelle!” she cried. She put her good arm around me and began to cry. “Oh, my Michelle! My sweet, darling Michelle, you’re finally here!” We stood there for a moment, crying in each other’s arms. I finally managed to say through the sobbing, “What happened? Where’s John? Everybody?”
Pulling away from me, Mom indicated I should sit. Then, she sat down herself. She looked so tired. And so old. “It was horrible. Just horrible!” She took a deep breath and then continued, “John is in ICU. He comes in and out of consciousness. He’s stable at the moment.” Mom paused a moment, staring blankly ahead. Finally, she said, “We were on a two-lane highway. We’d just started to get into the mountains. A truck, a big truck, going the other way apparently had a blowout and veered into us. We had nowhere to go. It was awful.”Mom started to cry again. I held her hand and stroked her hair until she could compose herself again.
Mom caught her breath again and said, “It’s hard to remember exactly what happened after the truck hit us and forced us into the rocks on our right side. After that, the bus rolled. I don’t know how many times. It finally stopped upside down on top of the guard rail.” She paused for a moment, and as tears welled up again in her eyes, she turned to look at me.
“Honey, Fritz, Fritz is dead.” While Fritz and I weren’t exactly buds, it seemed as if I’d known him forever. “What? He, he’s dead?” I gasped. Mom nodded, her face contorted with anguish. “He’s gone.” Mom took another deep breath and continued, “April, by some miracle only got minor injuries. She’s been released from the hospital. I think she’s at the hotel. Sammy and Juan got banged up pretty bad; Sammy has a broken leg, and I think Juan has a fractured pelvis.”
Mom’s eyes glazed over again and she fell silent. After a moment, I said, “I want to see John.” Mom glanced at the clock on the wall and said, “The ICU is open for visitors again. See that phone on the wall over there? Pick it up and say who you’re here to see.”
My heart leaped into my throat as I saw John lying on the bed in his small ICU room. The ICU was divided into twenty smaller rooms. A few were empty. John was in the third room on the far wall. There were tubes and hoses and his head was wrapped, but his face and eyes were still exposed. Thank God he wasn’t on a respirator. I stood outside his room for a few minutes just looking at him and crying. I felt so small and helpless.
Finally, I built up the nerve to enter the small room. John was staring at the ceiling. He didn’t look like John at all. John is constantly moving, so full of life and so confident. To see him lying there, with tubes, hoses and bandages brought an even higher level of sadness to my already strained emotions. I just stood there, tears running down my cheeks as I cried silently. He didn’t notice me right away. He didn’t seem able to turn his head, but his eyes suddenly rolled in my direction. He tried to smile and in a croaking whisper said, “Michelle!” I stepped up to his bed and found his hand and held it.
I leaned over so I see his eyes better. God, he looked terrible! In a hushed tone, I said, “I got here as soon as possible! I’m so sorry! I should have been with you guys.” John furrowed his brow. In a raspy voice, he said, “Thank God you weren’t.”He studied me a moment before whispering, “Thank God you weren’t. You’re such a beautiful girl; I’d hate to think of you being in a place like this.” In the middle of a cry, I barked a short laugh. I must have been a mess, with no make-up on, my eyes and nose red from nearly constant crying, and my hair unkempt. “I hate seeing you in this place.
I wish there was something I could do. I feel so useless!” I gently touched his cheek with a couple fingers. I suddenly said with a cry in my voice, “Oh John!” I started crying uncontrollably. As soothing as his raspy voice could be, John said, “Don’t cry, Michelle. I’m okay. I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry.”
I wiped my eyes and tried to smile and said, “I know you’ll be okay. You’ll be tormenting me again in no time.” John tried to laugh, but only managed to frown and moan in pain. We both fell silent for a minute or two. I watched the rhythmic patterns on the medical monitors. John’s eyes took on a far-away look. Without looking at me, John whispered in a matter-of-fact tone, “Michelle, Fritz is dead. He’s gone.” I gently squeezed John’s hand and said, “I know. Mom told me. I’m very sorry.” Eyes still glazed, John said, “I know Mom and Dad didn’t like him much. I don’t think you really did either, but he was my best friend. The band wouldn’t have happened without him. I guess the band’s finished.” I said, “John, don’t worry about that right now. Once you’re better, there’ll be plenty of time to worry about the band.” “No. The band’s toast. Without Fritz, there’s no band.” “John, don’t give up on your dream. I know Fritz was important, but you still have Sammy, Juan, and April.” I said, trying to be encouraging. For the first time in many minutes, John looked over at me. He said, “April came by after she was released from the hospital.
She said she’d had enough. She’s going back home. She quit.”His voice trailed away, but he continued to look at me. After a moment, he said, “I should never have replaced you. You sing better than April. I was wrong Michelle. I wanted you out for all the wrong reasons.
But it worked out for the best, didn’t it? I mean, you’re not in this hospital, or, or worse.” I stared at nothing for a moment and then said, “But maybe I should have been. I should have canceled my appearances so I could be with you and Mom. We’re family. We should have stuck together. I’m going to cancel the rest of my performances so I can stay and help take care of you.” John tried to shake his head, “No, Michelle.
You were where you should have been, doing what you do best. And no, you’re not going to quit performing. Not on my account. It’ll be months before I can even think of doing anything with the band again. Sammy and Juan might feel the same as April. If I get the band up and going again, you’ll have a spot on it if you want it. But you’ve got to keep going. Promise me you won’t quit.” He closed his eyes. “Promise…” he whispered. “Okay, John. I promise.” There was a long pause while I waited for John to say something else. Finally, I realized he was asleep.
I stood there for several minutes just looking at my brother. It felt weird to be wearing boy’s clothes again. I had my hair pulled loosely back in a ponytail in what I hoped was a boyish manner. In this heat and humidity, the black suit was uncomfortable. I was standing next to Mom as we listened to the preacher say nice things about Fritz. John was very upset that he couldn’t attend Fritz’s funeral. He was out of ICU, but still not well enough to leave the hospital. Dad had flown out to Denver and stayed to keep him company during this time.
I looked over to where Sammy and Juan were sitting. Both still looked a little banged up and of course, their broken bones hadn’t healed yet. Their crutches were lying in the grass next to their chairs. I looked around at the sea of faces. I didn’t think Fritz knew this many people. I recognized quite a few folks, but a lot of people here didn’t look familiar. Then it dawned on me that some of these people were fans. I kept scanning the faces surrounding me until I finally found the one I’d been looking for. There stood Kayla, eyes both red and smeared black from crying. She didn’t notice me. She just stared at the dark brown coffin.
I know I shouldn’t have, but I just stared at her, tracing my eyes over every nuance of her features. It had been months since I had last seen her and the differences were very apparent; her breasts were more pronounced, her body a little more curvy. Maybe it was my imagination, but she was turning into quite a little hottie. I felt a sudden panic when I realized her birthday was this month. I made a mental note to get her something for her fifteenth birthday. And then the big question. Do I get her something a boy would get a girl, or what a girl would get another girl?
I was jarred back to the real world when Mom started to walk away from me to get in the line that passed by the grieving family. I felt a little ashamed that I’d missed a good portion of the funeral by thinking about Kayla. It seemed to take forever, but Mom and I were finally up next to say our condolences to Fritz’s family. What do I say? What can you say? Fritz's mother reached out to hug me. Quietly, I just said, “I’m so sorry about Fritz!” With her hands grasping my shoulders, she held me out at arm’s length and said, “Thank you, Michael.
I haven’t seen you in so long. You’ve gotten taller. You’re becoming a young man.” I just smiled at her. She couldn’t know that I was actually becoming a young woman. I started to walk away from her to shake Fritz’s dad’s hand. “Where’s Michelle?” asked Fritz’ Mom. “I’ve never met her. Fritz talked about her all the time in his emails and phone calls. I was hoping to meet her.” Looking at her, I said, “She couldn’t make it. It was all just too much for her.” She nodded and said, “I understand. It was good to see you again, Michael. Tell John he’s in our prayers.” I just nodded. Feeling very uncomfortable, I quickly moved on. I started looking for Mom as I walked away from Fritz’s family.
From behind me, a girlish voice squealed, “Michael? Hey!” I turned around and saw Kayla’s smiling face. “Kayla! Hey girl!” I said excitedly as we hugged. “I’ve really missed you!” “You could call more often!” Kayla admonished me, laughing. “I’m surprised to see ‘Michael’ here.” We started walking away from the grave site. Watching our shadows glide across the grass I said, “Yeah, I thought it’d be easier to explain Michelle not being here than Michael.
And I didn’t want to face Fritz’s parents as Michelle.” Kayla averted her eyes and said, “I’m really sorry about what happened to your Mom and John and the others. I mean, it’s just terrible.” “Thanks,”I mumbled. I watched the ground move under our feet for another minute. I looked up and saw Mom standing by our car. I suddenly stopped. Kayla walked a few paces past me, but then turned around and walked back to me. I said, “Would you do me a favor?”
Kayla squinted in the sunlight as she turned to face me. She said, “Sure. Like what?” I said, “You mind meeting me at the park this afternoon… say around one o’clock? Meet me at those trees… you know, where the two trees have grown together.”There were two different trees that had grown together to look like one big tree. “Sure. That’s no problem.” “I’ll see you then.” I waved and then rushed over to where Mom was waiting.
It was a couple of minutes past one o’clock as I walked through the park toward the two trees. Kayla was already there. She hadn’t seen me yet and I didn’t call out. I just watched her as she stood there waiting. Even just standing there, Kayla displayed the undeniable grace of femininity. The short denim skirt she wore was only a secondary indication that she was a girl. Her manner, grace, and form were unconscious and natural. Even after hormones and surgery, would I ever be able to achieve this level of femininity without conscious effort?
Sure, without any overt visual clues that shout I’m not a girl, most people tend to gloss over the lack of these other signals. Most people don’t want to believe that you’re not who you say you are unless you give them a good reason. “Oh, there you are!” Kayla said, turning towards me at the sound of my approach. “You’re still Michael!” I smiled and said, “Yeah. I can’t change back to Michelle while I’m here. I’ll probably change on the flight back.” “It’s good to see Michael again. I know I always told you that I thought Michelle was the real you. Still, I’ve missed him.” “Well, that’s kinda why I wanted to talk with you privately,” I said as I took both her hands as we stood facing each other.
Cocking her head in that very feminine, inquisitive manner, she asked, “Oh?” I stared into her eyes for several moments. God! She was beautiful! I suddenly thought that I might be making a big mistake. No, I’d thought this over a million times… It was actually harder for me to form the words than I thought. My heart felt heavy as I said, “Kayla, take a good look at Michael. This is the last time you or anyone will ever see him again.” Kayla asked, “What exactly do you mean by that?” Swallowing hard and averting my eyes, I softly said, “I’m going to become a girl. I’ll soon start on hormones.
When ah, when I get to be eighteen, I’ll get the surgery to complete what John started six years ago.” “Oh my God!” Kayla exclaimed. “You’re going to get a sex change?” “Is that such a surprise?” I asked. “In a way,” She bit her lip and looked away for a second, “I mean, yes, I felt that being a girl seemed natural to you, and I had a lot of fun when you would come over and we’d be girlfriends. But...” Her voice trailed away. Feeling confused, I asked, “But what?”
Hesitating a moment, she finally said, “I just thought that... well... that you’d eventually come back here as Michael. You know, once you were done with singing and all.” “That was the original plan,” I said, “but things are different now. And I don’t mean just because of the accident. I’ve discovered that as a girl, I’m more comfortable with who I am.” Kayla suddenly threw her arms around me. “Oh, Michael! I’m sorry! I didn’t know this would happen.” I held her close to me and said, “What are you talking about?”
Kayla pulled back from me and looked me square in the eye. “I taught you how to be a girl. I never thought you’d stay one forever!” “You said you liked me better as a girl. That you felt I was a girl.” I protested. “I know! I know.” Kayla said as she looked away. “And in a way, I meant it, but.” She started to turn her back to me, and I could tell she was about to cry.
I gently pulled her back around. She still wouldn’t look at me, tears welling up in her eyes. “Kayla, please. Tell me what’s wrong!” “I feel bad. I taught you how to wear make-up, how to wear clothes, how to act and stuff. And I love you like a girlfriend. But I thought it was all fun and games. I thought you just liked dressing up and that’s why you came over.” She stopped talking and took a few breaths. “But now, this seems so final.
After today, Michael will be gone. I mean, God! Now I feel like I’ve been to two funerals today!” She threw her arms around my neck again and laid her head on my shoulder and began to cry softly. I stroked her hair and said, “It’s okay Kayla. You’re right. In a way, Michael will die today. But all he ever was will continue in Michelle, and I’m grateful for you, Kayla. You had your whole life to learn how to be a girl. I only had a couple of months, and I couldn’t have done it without you.” We stood there a few minutes in the shade of the two trees, holding each other tight.
Neither of us spoke. The only sound was the gentle rustling of the leaves. Kayla finally pulled away from me and gave me a hesitant smile. I ran my hand through her hair and said, “Would you mind doing me one more favor?” She knitted her brow for a moment as she asked, “Like what?” I ran my fingers again through her long hair and said, “Can I have one last minute as a boy, with the most beautiful girl he’s ever known?” Kayla smiled slightly and with the smallest of nods, leaned toward me, closing her eyes and parting her lips. My lips met hers as I pulled her closer to me. Our tongues met as we stood there in a passionate embrace.
I’m not sure how long we kissed, as it seemed all too brief. We finally pulled away from each other, both of us finding it hard to breathe. Kayla smiled broadly and looked into my eyes. She leaned in and gave me another brief kiss and said, “Goodbye, Michael.” Before I could react, she turned and walked slowly away. “Goodbye, Kayla!” I said as she walked away, and then in a whisper that I know she couldn’t hear, I said, “I love you.” I still couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Until recently, never could I have even imagined such a day. What a difference six years can make!
In that short time, I’ve gone from a small town nobody, to one of the top female entertainers in the country. Not only do I sing in the pop and country fields, but I still model, do television ads, and have even dabbled in acting. John decided he liked being a producer better. Sammy is an insurance salesman back home, filling a void left by my dad when he finally decided to move out to Hollywood with us, and Juan is my band’s drummer.
Two years ago on my eighteenth birthday, I made a quiet trip to Thailand with my Mom to have the surgery that would permanently close the door on my old life. Dad and John objected of course, but after a while, they couldn’t deny how much happier I was being a girl. I never looked back and my life before I started living as Michelle is just a rapidly fading memory. Six years ago, when I started this journey, I never thought it would lead to me walking down the aisle, Dad holding my arm.
I heard the rustling of my satin gown as it glided over my legs, and before me stood my darling groom. It was hard to believe that in a few minutes, I would become Mrs. Tommy Kincaid. Tommy was so handsome in his tux. He was now twenty-two and was absolutely gorgeous. After winning an Oscar, he had finally become a respected actor. He could have any woman in the world, but it was me he was marrying.
Opposite Tommy stood my beautiful maid of honor, Kayla. She was stunning in her light blue satin gown. After all these years, she was still my best friend and confidant. She moved to Hollywood a few years ago and has done a few commercials as well as acting in some bit parts in television shows. On the front row stood Mom and John. Mom was still my manager. She wasn’t even trying not to cry. She was so happy that I was getting married. It was all she talked about for weeks. And John has changed so much.
He’s not only happy to have a sister now, but he’s actually glad I’m getting married to Tommy. I was surprised to see Mr. Winters and Brooklyn attending my wedding. Mr. Winters is still my agent and Brook is still my fashion consultant. I really don’t know where I’d be without either one of them. It’s been a long strange journey from first being mistaken for a girl at that old recording studio back home to becoming a wife, for God’s sake!
And even though I’ll admit that Tommy and I had sex as soon as I was healed enough to try out the new plumbing, I was still tingling with anticipation about our wedding night. All I can say is I’m so glad I’m a girl! I was so scared and excited and nervous, that I really don’t remember anything the preacher said until he said, “and do you, Michelle, take Tommy to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
I looked at Tommy and smiled a small, nervous smile and blinked back a tear. I said, “I do.” “You may kiss the bride.” Smiling that smile that has endeared him to millions of women around the world, Tommy lifted my veil and slowly bent his head down, and gave me a soft, sweet kiss.
THE END.
