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Not One Of The Girls - Part 6
🕑 Added 2023-03-28 15:02:28 +0000 UTCA week passed and I had fallen into a kind of slump. It didn’t reflect too much in my grades; thankfully, several of my teachers did voice their concerns about my inability to maintain focus. I sat at my usual table during lunch on Monday; though I wasn’t really eating, I just sat picking at the pasta I had chosen and thinking over the events of that fateful weekend. It was kind of an odd feeling for me, ordinarily, if I had the decision to make, I just made it. I very rarely stewed over things this way.
I supposed logically; given that I was looking at a massive life decision, one that after a certain point would not be reversible, it did warrant some serious thought. I glanced over at the athlete's table at one point, to see Chloe getting up; assumedly to come over to talk to me, but Kiera and Emily had grabbed each of her arms and pulled her back down into her seat. She did not seem happy about that. After another couple of minutes of picking through my food, I cleared my tray away and headed out of the back of the school.
There was a densely wooded area to the rear of the school, some of the students used it as a shortcut to get to and from the school, and others used it as a screen to have a sneaky smoke, I passed a couple of such students as I looked for a secluded spot to while away some time and ponder my situation some more. I dropped down against a gnarly-looking oak tree and just sat wallowing in my thoughts. It took me several long minutes to realize that I was being watched. I looked up to see a crystal blue eye with a recent scar over it, disappear behind a tree about fifteen feet away from me.
“I know you’re there” I called out, causing Damien Lynch to step out from his cover; although I’d heard more than a handful of rumors about the guy, something in his cautious approach intrigued me. I found myself wondering if those rumors about him were vastly exaggerated. “You did a terrible job of sneaking up” I murmured as he walked towards me. “Oh, Barbie I wasn’t sneaking up” he sneered in response. “You were so out of it; I could’ve bowled up doing the Macarena and you would barely have noticed”. I chuckled dryly as he actually did a couple of the moves from the dance. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind” I sighed as he reached me and nodded as though asking permission to sit beside me.
I shifted slightly to make room at the base of my tree. “What’s that is the princess having trouble getting daddy to buy the pretty prom dress?” he sniggered as he slid down the tree next to me. “You do know I’m a dude, right?” I sneered as I glanced sidelong at him, his eyebrows shot up as he grumbled, “I was not expecting that response”. There was a moment of silence before he asked, “So is that what you’re out here thinking about?
You’re fed up with people telling you ‘You’re a pretty girl’. So you’re thinking about getting a haircut and packing on some muscle?”. He leaned forward and brushed a hand through his shaggy mane, before flexing his biceps with a playful grin on his face. I grinned at his comment, before tilting my head back against the tree. I closed my eyes and smirked, “It’s the complete opposite, actually”.
“Oh” he grunted simply. He sighed heavily before saying, “I can see why you’ve been a bit out of it the last week or so. Does anybody know?” I opened my eyes and looked directly at him. “Sort of; my older brother knows and there’s a couple of girls in our grade that I’ve spoken to about it. You’re probably the first person I’ve fully admitted it to, though”. A cheeky grin spread across his face as he sniggered, “So, I’m your first huh? What an honor”. I scowled at him which just made him bark in laughter. “Hey, if you’re going to just dump the material in my lap, I’m obliged to use it” he grinned. “Yeah, yeah” I sighed in response. “Well, if you want someone to talk to about it; my therapist says I’m a good listener” Damien insisted with a playful wink.
I hesitated before coolly retorting, “I didn’t realize you were a qualified psychologist?” He grinned before shifting around so that he sat before me, he then ran his hand through his hair in a poor attempt at straightening it before pretending to adjust a pair of glasses. “The doctor is in” he stated boldly. I laughed lightly before starting from the beginning. We spoke for ages about my issues with fitting in; the nagging feeling of ‘otherness’ I had always had. I spoke about my family; the distance between me and my dad and my brother. I told him about the day I spent with the cheerleaders; about them dressing me up and the conflict it had stirred within me. Damien for his part, was as he had said, a good listener.
He did intermittently tease me about certain things that I said, but overall, he was a good sounding board for my feelings and gave me honest opinions. “So, what do you think doc?” I asked jokingly after I had brought him up to date. He just looked at me blankly and muttered, “I dunno, I downloaded my Ph.D. from the internet”. I groaned as Damien burst into laughter. “Seriously though” he coughed through his laughter “from what you’ve told me about your folks; your mom would be ok with it. Your brother seems like he was pretty cool about the whole thing. “The only thing to really consider then; is how your old man would react.
He sounds like my uncle in a lot of ways”. There was a bitter note in his voice as he mentioned the man. “I’m assuming you don’t get on with him?” I asked quietly, Damien just snorted with laughter. “Not getting along would be arguing over who used the last of the milk. With him it’s a lot more complicated” he growled; wheeling himself round to sit back against the tree beside me. “You want to talk about it?” I asked timidly. The guy looked round at me, slightly surprised. “I mean, I don’t have a therapist to confirm it, but I’m a pretty good listener too” I smiled confidently. Damien continued to look at me with hesitation in his eyes. “Come on” I encouraged “you just sat here listening to me bitch about my problems, it’s the least I can do in return” I insisted. After a moment, he swallowed hard and nodded, he then began to tell me his story.
I found myself captivated as he told me all about his early life and the difficult relationship that developed between him and his father as he grew older. “My folks died in a car crash a few months ago, it’s the crash where I got this” he indicated the scar on his face “the permanent reminder that I’m personally responsible for my parent’s deaths” he snarled bitterly. “See, I was arguing with my dad about some of my grades and he didn’t see the truck” he smashed his fist into his other hand as he growled, “it T boned us, and my old man died on impact. But as my mom and I were on the passenger side, it took longer for her to succumb to her injuries.
I remember. I saw a tear streaking down his cheek as he struggled for words. “When the fire brigade pulled us from the car, I remember them saying that my mom was alive, but barely” he looked away from me as he whispered, “by the time they got us to the hospital, she’d died”. I felt tears trickling down my own cheeks as Damien went quiet for a moment, before continuing, “I spent nearly a month in ICU, I was in and out of danger so frequently in that first week or so, the doctors were worried that they might lose me too, but it seems that fate has a cruel sense of humor.
I eventually started to mend; it took me a further month to recover enough to leave the hospital though. “Problem was, the only relative that lived locally is my dad’s brother Oscar. I’d never had much interaction with him when I was younger, I remember my mom always said that he was ‘difficult’ and that he and Dad never saw eye to eye, but I never realized just how bad he was, until I went to live with the guy”. Damien swallowed hard, before shrugging, “I’ve been living with him for about a month and a half now. I can definitely see why my folks kept me away from him.
He’s a loose cannon”. I nodded my understanding. “So, what about all the rumors?” I asked, flushing pink as Damien turned to look directly at me. “I mean, you have one hell of a reputation around school, I’m just curious if you’re really the psycho they say you are, you don’t seem like it”. Damien gave me a wry smile before stating, “Well, I suppose that really depends on which rumors you’ve heard”. I paused thoughtfully, before listing off the dozen or so that I had personally been informed of. He just listened intently for a moment, chuckling at some of the rumors and nodding thoughtfully at others. “You should believe all of them” he stated confidently.
I just looked round at him disbelievingly. “What! There’s no way!” I blurted. Damien just grinned toothily. “Well, I do have a reputation to maintain” he insisted. I was smiling uncertainly and shaking my head when he sighed, “Hm I did set fire to Mr. Aberoth’s car, but he was a creepy son of a bitch. He spent so much time perving on the girls, I’m surprised he ever got any teaching done. I think the fire was the reason why he resigned maybe”.
He looked thoughtful for a moment. “I do have a temper about me” he admitted, ears turning pink as he hastily added, “though in my defense; I normally only lose it if someone is being a real asshole, I’m not unreasonable”. I raised an eyebrow as he winked at me before climbing to his feet. “And, uh, no, much to Mrs. Edgar’s obvious disappointment, I didn’t lose my virginity to her” he sighed. Damien then grinned mischievously as he leaned down to help me up. “Poor Mrs. Edgar though, could you imagine the look on her face? She probably hasn’t seen a dick in over a century”.
I laughed loudly at his comment, and this caused him to smile in an odd way. “You have a cute laugh” he smirked, causing me to blush furiously. I was about to say something that I hoped would be witty in response when I noticed a stream of students trudging in our direction. “Uh, what’s the time?” I asked, slightly alarmed. Damien pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s just gone four o’clock” he informed me with a chuckle. “We skipped classes?” I gasped with a sinking feeling in my stomach. “Yep, three of them specifically.
Do you feel like a bad girl yet?” Damien teased. I glowered at him. “Damien that’s not funny, my dad is going to kill me” I whined, to which he just sniggered, “Well, if you don’t turn up tomorrow, I’ll know where to send the five oh”. “Ugh, you’re impossible” I sulked as I turned and strutted away from him. “Hey Barbie I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” he called after me. I just turned to face him and flipped him off before correcting my course and heading home.
I was expecting hell when I arrived home; having skipped a whole afternoon of classes, but as I entered the living room, I was surprised to see my mom sat on the sofa, quite casually reading a magazine. “Um, hey Mom, how was your day?” I asked quietly. She looked up over her magazine at me, “I was having a pretty average day until I received a call from your school, informing me that you hadn’t arrived in any of your afternoon classes.
Would you care to explain what you were doing instead?” she inquired. I found myself floundering, I was expecting her to be angry, but she just seemed curious. “I wasn’t really doing anything, I just went for a walk after lunch and lost track of time” I mumbled, unable to look her in the eyes. “You went for a walk…and lost track of time?” she confirmed tentatively. I could tell from the frown on her face that she didn’t believe a word of it.
She climbed off the sofa and walked over to me. “This last week you’ve had your head in the clouds, are you sure there isn’t anything you want to talk about?”. I felt a knot in the back of my throat, I really wanted to just tell her what I was struggling with, but there was a cold, heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I stood in the living room doorway and shook my head slowly. “It’s nothing. Really. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”. Mom turned away from me whilst shaking her head lightly.
“Just don’t you make a habit of it? I had enough of that with Jake with his, girlfriends” the woman faltered for a second before turning to face me with a coy smile “are you dating? Is that why you’ve been so distracted recently?” she asked gently. I blinked several times at the random question. I really wished it were that simple. “No Mom. I’m not dating” I sighed. She looked at me hesitantly, trying to work out if I might be trying to deceive her on the subject, it probably would have been easier for me, if I’d just agreed to that being the reason that I skipped classes, but then it would have likely opened a whole other chain of questioning that I didn’t have answers for.
After another moment of her just staring at me curiously, Mom shrugged lightly before heading into the kitchen. I wandered back out into the hall and up to my room where I lay on my bed thinking about my afternoon with Damien, although I still wasn’t sure how I would broach telling my parents how I felt, I definitely felt a lot better in myself for my chat with the purported ‘bad boy’. As we sat eating dinner that evening, I was surprised that my mom didn’t mention my skipping classes to my dad. She did give me a couple of ‘knowing’ looks but she didn’t actually say anything, I guess she just figured that it was one of those one off scenarios. If only that were the case. I found myself skipping classes on Tuesdays and Wednesdays to spend my afternoons with Damien. We had a lot in common, yet at the same time, we were vastly different people. We would laugh and joke and debate on various subjects and just in general, enjoy each other’s company.
On Thursday afternoon after ditching classes, yet again we found ourselves walking along the seafront. It was a nice day; warm, but with a cool breeze rolling in off the ocean, keeping it from being overly so. I was laughing at something Damien had said when a cyclist shot out of nowhere onto the promenade we were walking along. Damien just reacted as he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me towards him, allowing the cyclist to skim past me. “Watch where you’re going asshole” my friend roared after the cyclist, but he was already well out of earshot. It took a second for Damien to realize that he was still holding onto me, we were really close to each other.
I smiled nervously as he let go of me with a mumbled apology, but there was a sparkle in his eyes that made me feel giddy. It took me a moment, but it occurred to me that it was similar to the feeling I’d had when I saw my reflection in the mirror at Kiera’s a couple of weeks back. “Um I should head home, it’s getting late” I murmured whilst flushing pink. “Yeah, uh I’ll see you at school tomorrow. I guess” Damien said timidly.
I smiled, it was kind of cute to see him so shy, he was normally obnoxiously confident, it was one of the reasons why I was drawn to him, his overflow of confidence generally countered my severe lack of it. I gave a shy wave as I turned to walk away back along the promenade towards my home. As I walked, it wasn’t lost on me that I had thought about my friend as ‘cute’. I opened the front door slowly and after slipping my shoes off, I walked along into the living room.
I stopped as I saw both of my parents sat on the sofa, seemingly waiting for me. “Dad, you’re home early!?” I stammered as I saw him sat, looking pensive. “You think?” he growled at me “your mother received a call from the school about you not arriving in any of your afternoon classes, again. “Apparently, it’s been happening a lot this week; your mom has covered for you thus far, but today she decided to call you to find out where you were, and when you didn’t answer, she feared the worst, so she called me. “Would you like to explain to me why I was pulled out of a really important meeting?”. He rose from his seat, causing me to flinch.
He had never in my life hit me but given that I had never seen that look on his face before, I wasn’t really sure how to react. I actually felt angry though, as my take away from his statement was, ‘he was pulled from his meeting’. “Trust you to be more worried about your fucking meeting than you are about my well being” I snapped. As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted them. My mom jumped up with uncanny dexterity and slapped me straight across the face. “Don’t you ever talk to your father like that” she hissed.
I stumbled back a step and held my throbbing cheek. My dad for his part, seemed a bit flustered, not only had I spoken to him that way, but I had incited a reaction from my mom that he had never seen before. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you this last week or so, but you need to man up and figure your shit out” my dad snarled. I looked between my two parents before looking down at the floor with tears in my eyes.
“Man up? ” I sneered “you know, you keep pushing that agenda; as though hoping that a burst of testosterone will turn me into a muscle-bound sports and car enthusiast, “But did you ever stop to think there might be a reason why I never wanted to get my hair cut. Or why do I have much more in common with Mom than I do you and Jake?” my voice was barely a whisper as I looked up again. I looked my dad dead in the eyes and said hollowly, “How can you expect me to ‘man up’ when I don’t think I’m even supposed to be a man at all”. With a half glance at the stunned look on my mom’s face, I turned and headed out towards the staircase.
I felt the woman’s hand brush against my shoulder as I turned, but I shrugged her off before passing a concerned looking Jake at the bottom of the stairs. I charged up to my room and after entering my sanctuary, I slid the bolt lock on my door shut, before climbing onto my bed, where I proceeded to curl up and bawl my eyes out. A couple of hours later I was sat listening to my music when there was a brisk knocking on the door. “Al, it's Jake, will you come out and talk to me?” my brother’s voice echoed through the door.
He sounded genuinely concerned, but in the state, I was in, I didn’t want to face anybody, so I ignored him and continued listening to my music. There was a light groan followed by some clinking sounds. “Mom’s plated you up some…” I didn’t hear the rest of what he said as I cranked up the volume of my earphones, I continued to cry for several hours whilst wallowing in my music before I eventually fell asleep.
