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Tutorial Rewrite 23
🕑 Added 2023-01-07 16:09:52 +0000 UTCI’m not at home anymore. Mum isn’t here.
Dad isn’t here.
Sis isn’t here.
They don’t care about this.
They never cared, because
they don’t love me,
and they never have.
They hate me and
I hate them.
“And the new World Champion of
Tendrils of Magic and Madness is…
LetsFraternizeTogether!”
Cheering.
Horrible, grating, loud, addictive Cheering.
But not for me.
It was never for me.
On the other side of the room,
I can see him.
He’s grinning from ear-to-ear.
But there’s a purity to it.
He’s not grinning because he loves the taste of my misery,
or because he wants the world to see how great he is,
but rather for the simple reason that he is happy.
He won.
I lost.
The world shifts off balance.
Everything turns on its head.
Mice chase cats,
cats chase dogs.
“Good fight!
Thank you for the exciting match!”
He’s in front of me now,
flanked by his slightly older brother.
He isn’t older than me.
He isn’t younger than me.
We’re the same age.
But, somehow, he looks more energetic.
Bright-eyed, optimistic, and
happy just to be here.
I feel my hands ball into fists.
If he had lost, he would still be smiling,
just because he found the challenge exciting.
He would still thank me, he would still shake my hand,
and I would still feel like the pit of my stomach was filled with
black sludge.
I can’t stand his type.
I can’t stand them.
I won’t shake his hand.
To restrain myself,
I simply cross my arms.
“Good work today.
I hope I’ll see you next championship,
so we can have a proper rematch!”
And he slaps my shoulder.
And for some reason,
some inexplicable reason,
that’s what does it.
My world turns RED and I fly at him, grabbing his arm and twisting it around, and even though my arms are normally so weak, now they are strong, much stronger than his even though he looks so much healthier, and I grin at the way his arm crunches and twists, and I want to hear that sound even more, so I keep pulling it and snapping in it every which way I can think of, and the bone is much more brittle than I had thought, and we fall to the floor, me on top of him, and him struggling, desperately, but still not making a sound, his eyes wide and beady like a bug caught in a trap, not really capable of understanding what’s happening, but now I’m on top of him and his right arm is all bent and sharp shards of WHITE are sticking out of his skin but I’m not happy with that so I begin pummelling his face, winding like a mechanical figure, beating and beating and beating and beating, until his nose crunches under my bruised knuckles, a trail of RED going down his lip and splattering onto my hoodie, and its only been a few seconds so now people try to respond, but I’m stuck to him, and even though my fingers hurt and my hands hurt and my knuckles hurt, I clutch a hold of his neck, pulling my grip tighter, tighter, tighter, tighter, watching as his face turns RED and then blue and then…
<[Do you want to die?]>
I tumble.
Down, down, down.
The world is dark.
It burns. Mommy, it burns.
I don’t want to, anymore.
I miss my family.
Why did I say that? Why did I do that?
Help
Help
Help
I
Want
To
Die
“Your father doesn’t know I’m here.”
…Mum?
“And he can’t ever know. Son… If you go home, he will kill you.”
He didn’t even come to the trial.
“You can’t go home. But I can’t let you stay here. I… I took out a loan.
In the family’s name. It’s not good. I put down the store as collateral.
If your father finds out… No, when he does, you have to be as far away
as possible. I’ll take the hit. He won’t understand a mother’s love,
but he won’t be able to kill me. Not while Seo-Yun still lives at home.
And after she’s moved out… I won’t care anymore. But you can’t be
home when that happens.”
What do you expect me to do?
Go homeless?
“...We all have to make sacrifices, Ho-Jae. The only reason I was
able to bail you out was because I happen to know a few people
down at the courthouse. You can’t be ungrateful.”
I hate you.
I’m going to starve in the streets and you don’t care.
“I care, and I love you.
But sometimes, you’re a very hard boy to love.”
<[Do you want to die?]>
Fire.
Burning.
Searing, blistering pain.
There is no recourse from it.
Sometimes, when I go to sleep, I dream about it. It feels good to choke him. To see his grin falter and his eyes bug out. It’s a nice dream. And when I’m dreaming about it, I never remember the consequences. What happened afterwards. Because it didn’t matter in the moment. All that mattered was to put the light out of his eyes. To make him remember who the true winner here was. But then I always get pulled out of the dream, and back into the real world. And the real world is dull. It always is, and it always has been. I hate the real world. I hate it so much.
I wish the real world didn’t exist.
<[Do you want to die?]>
…I don’t.
I don’t want to die. It’s just that, for some reason, I always find myself in situations where dying seems like the most simple solution. But even then, it’s not like I just lie down and die anyways. What kind of gamer would just give up once the level gets difficult? When the boss changes to a different form, or heals itself, that’s when the real battle starts. No true pro-gamer would simply give up. They keep going, because the pain of losing, over and over and over and over again, can never compare to the joy of winning just once. Even if everything else goes wrong, even when you’re surrounded by nothing but enemies, there’s still a way to win, and once you do, the rewards you reap will be all the sweeter. The higher the difficulties, the better the loot.
I don’t want to die.
If I die, I lose.
<The God of Cowardice
repeats Himself.>
<[Do you want to die?]>
No. I don’t.
My skeleton hand clenches around the doorknob. Slowly, it turns in my hand, and as I creak the door open, a wave of soul-rending fire rushes out, basking my charred, coal-like body in the fiery blazes of Hell. But even though it hurts, even though it makes my brain boil and bubble and burn, I still press onward, pushing against the door with my shoulder, forcing it open with all the power that the remains of my body possessess. Inside, I can see the darkness within poke out, staring into me with eyes of black fire. And still, I don’t flinch. I push onward. The door opens, inch by inch, and once it is open fully, once the very pits of Hell show themselves to me, in their full, fiery glory,
I step inside.
The fire takes me and I join with it.
<You have cleared the second floor.>
<You have received 1 000
points for clearing the floor.
You have received an additional
1 000 points for being the first to clear
the floor.>
<There is a God that
has taken interest in you.
You have received 500 points.>
<A God shows a positive response to you.
You have obtained 1 000 points.>
<A God shows a negative response to you.
1 000 points have been deducted.>
<A change has been made.>
<The Goddess of Want wishes to
grant some of Her powers instead of
the normal Stage Reward.>
<Will you accept?>
<Yes/No>
…The last time I accepted a God’s offer I got a useless, embarrassing skill that did me no good, and according to the posts on the community boards you can usually get a pretty good piece of equipment for clearing a stage, which I desperately need because I think I ate all of my clothes, but, on the other hand…
How bad could it be?
“Yes.”
I press the Yes button.
<You have obtained:>
<[Great Values Sniffer(Lv.MAX)]
The Goddess of Want, who watches
over those that exhibit desire for what
they should not possess, has granted some
of Her powers to Her potential apostle.>
Ok.
Whatever charcoal remains of my skeleton turn to dust and I disappear into the Hellish winds around me. And only as my dead dust drifts skyward, do I realise…
…I didn’t get the reward for completely clearing the stage.
Shoot—
