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Tutorial Rewrite 102
🕑 Added 2023-01-31 08:26:30 +0000 UTCThe scene flashes with red and a loud angry bzzzzz slashes through the air and I feel my heart drop. I look over at Pain.
“Ooh, bummer! So close. Well, eight out of ten points is still quite high, so for your admirable efforts, you get the wonderful prize of—”
I slam both hands on the podium faster than my brain can process what’s happening. “W—wait!” I shout. “Why shouldn't I pick either? What will happen to me? Will they hurt me? Will Want try to kill me for it? Will I get hurt further down the road? Will they revoke my authority skills? Will they remove skills they gave me that I didn’t know about? And if I have to pick one or both of them, which should I do? Want or Coward? What happens if the god of cruelty tries to jump into this mess? I wished for information, so give it to me!”
He pauses briefly, turns to me, and smiles. Then, he turns back to the audience. “As I said, for being such a champ, Kitty will receive the wonderful prize of getting another hug from your most beloved God of Pain!”
My eyes widen and I want to say something but no words will come out and I can do nothing but stare as he slowly approaches me, one step at a time, his hard-leather shoes going clack-clack-clack against the stage, his arms stretched out and his chest bared in a gesture of friendliness and compassion. I back away from the podium. “No, no, I don’t want a hug, please, oh, God, please, I—I won’t ask any questions anymore, so please, just… I’ll do the tutorial as many times as you want, anything at all, just so long as you don’t—”
He brings me into his arms.
Through the WHITE silent shrieking PAIN I hear only His voice.
[To those that know me,
I am large.]
[To those that Love me,
I Love them.]
[I am Pain,
and I will walk with you,
now and forever.]
The pain abruptly ends and I jerk out of it, sweating and shaking and trembling and with a dry mouth and staring eyes, the same way you feel when you startle out of a horrible terrible nightmare that never seemed to have an end. Except the nightmare looks so silly when you look back on it that you can’t understand why you felt so scared about it at all.
The God of Pain hugged me. Why do I feel my heart beat quicker and my breath turn into panting hyperventilations when all that happened was that I got hugged by a stupid moon-man? I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.
<The God of Cowardice
hereby invites
Hell Challenger Lee Ho-Jae
to fulfil His Apostleship Trials
in order to become the Apostle of Cowardice.>
<Will you accept?>
<Yes/No>
<The Goddess of Want
hereby invites
Hell Challenger Lee Ho-Jae
to fulfil Her Apostleship Trials
in order to become the Apostle of Want.>
<Will you accept?>
<Yes/No>
I stare at the two messages in front of me. By giving a quick glance around, I can tell that I’m in the lobby of the next floor. Wonderful. The WHITE wallpaper really does give it that insanity-inducing glow that’s so chic nowadays.
But I can’t afford to put this off any longer.
I can’t refuse them both. I don’t know if I should choose one, and in that case, which one would be the proper choice. Even if I assume that picking one will relinquish the support of the other, I still can’t decide. Both of the authority skills they’ve given me have been equal in how useful they are, and losing just one of them would hamper my progress and survival chances immeasurably. Likewise, whatever they give me should I become their apostle will no doubt be just as useful.
Even though Want has given me an additional skill and let me keep my pelts, I can’t say that I would be too excited to be her apostle. Considering that her main facet of being is greed, there’s no doubt in my mind that being her servant would be less of a two-sided partnership and more of an indentured servitude. I’d basically just be a little butler, or some kind of tamed brownie. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that she would mainly just use me to get stuff. Do I really want to be the underling of a sugar mama? The second she finds a new sweetie to take care of, I’m as good as a pair of outgrown pants.
But that doesn’t mean that Coward is the right choice, either. I don’t think he’d make a slave out of me, but I also don’t think he’d be too keen on protecting me if things went wrong.
As his apostle, should shit hit the fan, instead of getting an umbrella to shield us, he’d just toss me aside and run for cover himself. Or, even worse, use me as cover. After all, I am nothing but a mortal.
Neither of them are good choices. Not in and of themselves, at least.
But if you combine them, you get a completely different story. If one of them has me, then I’m disposable. However, if they’re fighting over me—over my attention and gratitude—then I have a chance. There is only one real option here.
Twice the gods, double the rewards.
I place my index fingers on both Yes buttons and press them simultaneously.
<You have accepted
The Apostleship Trials
of the
Goddess of Want.>
<You have accepted
The Apostleship Trials
of the
God of Cowardice.>
<Want Apostleship Trials
progress: 0/365>
<Cowardice Apostleship Trials
progress: 0/23>
…Huh? Wait, that’s it? I thought the apostleship trials would be, like, a floor or something where I had to defeat enemies or fight my way through mazes and puzzles or whatever. What the heck is this supposed to be? I can’t press it, so I have no idea what these trials are even supposed to be. Do I need to defeat certain types of enemies? Should I collect an X amount of gold? What about treasure? Maybe I need to beat the floors themselves? I have no idea! How do you expect me to clear your dumb trials if I can’t even know what they’re for?! I demand an explanation!
But, as usual, no such response arri—
<The God of Cowardice
clears His throat equivalent
and prepares to give a lengthy
explanation.>
<The Goddess of Want
barges in and chastises
the God of Cowardice
for His ignorance.>
<The God of Cowardice
attempts to defend Himself.>
<The Goddess of Want
gets into a spat with
the God of Cowardice.>
<The God of Cowardice
gets into a spat with
the Goddess of Want.>
…Okay. So, in other words, I seriously should just never try to get these two in the same room, huh? What a lovely couple.
<The Goddess of Want
kindly informs you that
They are not a couple.>
<The God of Cowardice
kindly informs you that
They are not a couple.>
Yeah, yeah, I get it, so buzz out of my screens already. It’s starting to get annoying.
