veryfilthything
patreon
Status Update and Patreon Pause
🕑 Added 2024-10-29 18:31:09 +0000 UTCSo you may have noticed I've paused my patreon for the month of November. This is because ultimately i am not happy with my progress and mental state at the moment and don't feel equipped to give people their money's worth with work.
I really hate to constantly keep making updates that amount to 'Fila's brain is broken' but a lot of stuff has been going on in my life. I am both physically and mentally in distress recently, and it led to a total collapse yesterday. Simply put, I cannot continue with things the way they are.
I spent this entire year trying to make patreon work, to try and prove my value as an artist to my family. Unfortunately, I did not meet the standards that were set. Regardless of the reason, I have to accept that my plans aren't coming to fruition and constantly pushing myself towards goals I can't reach isn't helping anyone. I'm suffering from an extreme bout of depression and need to radically rethink things going forward. I'm not really sure what this means at the moment.
I don't really know what this means for art either. I want to keep drawing but I don't want to think about media numbers and money right now. I just want to draw. So we'll see what happens there.
I'm sorry to people I've disappointed with this. I'm sorry to clients I never completed comms for, even if I hadn't taken any money yet. I'm sorry to keep making posts like this. I want to be a better person but its not an easy road for me. I appreciate anyone who sticks with me in spite of all this struggling. I hope next month to have better news for you.
~Fila
EDIT: Just to clarify, I'm not giving up on art or this Patreon. I just need time to think about what I wanna be doing and how to do it effectively, and also not to have to chase numbers for a week or two. I just need a break is all.
Comments
Baby Sweet
As someone who has been in that dark place and nearly let myself be swallowed up by it multiple times, I understand how it can feel hopeless and like you're not good enough. But that's simply not true. It took a lot of therapy and people willing to be with me through my darkest time but I managed to understand that there are people that care about me and that my life matters. So take it easy, take a breather, spend time with those you have formed connections with, talk to someone. We will still be here when you get back.
AverageFanEnjoyer
Mirroring what I said on your server for visibility: I appreciate the forthrightness about your situation. Believe me, I don’t mind if you’re behind because you feel like you could do more to refine your work. If anything, I’m much the same way. I pay because I want to support you as a person and your endeavors in your passion, not because I see you as the “funny fat lady art machine that’s supposed to constantly produce banger work” I hope your time of introspection proves fruitful.
