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PATREON ASMR| LIFE UPDATE RAMBLE
🕑 Added 2021-03-31 06:21:27 +0000 UTC*pt.2 of the vlog/life video for the month.*
Hey sweet friends, How are you doing this month?
If the answer is "not so good" babe...you aren't alone. Our struggles might look different but we are all going through something. Its okay to not be okay, especially during this time. I know you are doing the best you can, and that's always enough. That best tomorrow might look different from todays best, and that's okay too. Be gentle with yourself. I'm so proud of you always! I'm sorry my recent struggles in deep chronic pain, anxiety, and depression have caused me to be not so social lately.....I'm trying my best. Sometimes that best doesn't include the ability to communicate very effectively. It makes me come off as "flaky" "not appreciative of our safe spaces" "not caring anymore", etc. Those things are so far from the truth. The truth is idk how to manage this funk that I've been in for almost a yr now very well.....I need to show up for myself more and really reach/lean on my loved ones. Isolation just feels easier sometimes when idk how to say I'm not okay or I dont want to feel like a burden. If that makes sense? I found a new therapist, so maybe ill show up for myself in that way as well and lean on outside support. Chronic pain is exhausting. I'm exhausted and I'm hurting physically, and my mental health is just really going downhill because of it. But just like you-im trying my best and will continue to. So I'm sorry ive been MIA when it comes to communication in our safe spaces. Its never that I dont care....ever. I love love you all and often times can only find comfort from our safe spaces, even if I can't speak up and say it sometimes.
This coming month will be a huge change....my family is officially moving away, my sweet Catalina will no longer be here, my nurse that ive had for yrs moved, so I have to make that transition to a new person, and build that relationship, etc. Just lots of loss/transitions that im trying to process and find a new normalcy in. Ive never been completely alone because of sweet Catalina, and idk how im quite gonna make it without her. She's been my support puppy for almost 10yrs, and im losing her at a really rough time in my physical and mental health. But she is suffering and I out of all people know what kind of life illness brings one daily. And the last thing I want is for her to suffer in any way. So she will be free of pain, and will have lived a life with endless love from her humans. Everyday I'll be missing that safe space and love that she has always provided in her 12+yrs on this earth as a beyond loved "nanny" to her 3 kids that she watched grow up into adults. My heart is crushed and im really not okay, but I never want her to stay suffering because I cant be without her....thats so selfish and she would never want that for me. Just lots going on and im trying to cope the best that I can daily.
How are you feeling mentally and or physically? I hope you are being gentle with yourself this month and remembering just how loved you are.💕 I'm so happy you are here in our safe space! I'm so proud of you, always. I love love you!
Thank. you all for the constant and creative video requests every month! You don't realize how much that helps me plan out my monthly videos through my really challenging brain fog.
🚨Remember, I have until the last minute of the last day of the month to get all 6 videos out. I have never not come through, and will continue to post the last few videos.🚨 Whatever you are going through, babe- you aren't alone. I'm right there with you, even if our struggles look different.❤️ I see you and I hear you, always.hope you know how proud I am of you! For doing your absolute best this month and everyday. Even if that looks different from what your neighbors best this month.💖 Hope you all are staying safe, being gentle with your mind/body, and wearing yo masks!!😷 Let continue to keep ourselves and those around us safe! Don't forget to wash yo hands as well!!🧼🤲🏻🤗 I hope you are continuing to be gentle with yourself, and those around you. remember that your feelings are always valid-even if the differ from those around you! I hope you are doing some bits of self-care....no matter how big/little. I love you all so much and continue to send love, light, and a bubble of protection over you, loved ones, animals, etc. Don't forget that this space is always here for you! You'll always have community here.
Comments
Bree Emily
Hey Maddie, I completely understand the struggle with therapy. I have struggled with therapy for many years and many different reasons. One thing that has helped me is my therapists option (due to COVID) of having tele-therapy. So I just log on with my camera on my computer and I am able to attend therapy. I am much more comfortable doing it, because I am able to be in my comfort zone and talk about difficult situations. Just some food for thought, if it is an option for you!
Marina Mulenos
Maddie you show them 👑🤺😜. You never know if you don’t try! 💕 thanks for always being open. It really feels like we are having girl time together
