WarbyPicus
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Chapter 100 Necessity Makes No Excuses and Accepts No Praise
🕑 Added 2023-06-07 16:00:15 +0000 UTC“Tommy, what the Hell?” Jember yelled.
“Hero, hero, hero, hero!” Truth giggled, his eyes wide and unblinking. “Such a goddamn hero. A hero of the North, which I guess is true as I was born well north of here. Or south, depending on what you call “born.” His fingers shattered the bit of the armrest that remained in his hand.
“They aren’t wrong about home always being with me, either. Every day I ask myself, “What would Dad do?” then I do the opposite. Or I think about how Mom treats people. I think about starving. I think about hurting people for money. Hurting myself for money. About fishing scrap out of a toxic canal, or running errands for gangsters, or the shops paying off the gangsters to survive. I divide the world into Slum and Not-Slum, and it is only only just occurring to me to wonder why. Why did nobody give a shit when Dad broke my ribs? Or Mom shaved Sophia’s head, screaming at her that she was ugly? Why little Vig, who was a damn child, had to fight off boyfucker pimps? Why Har thought he had to join up with cannibal gangsters to have any kind of future? Why was Har RIGHT?!”
He was stalking around the room, hands chopping through the air. Jember and Etenesh were sitting very still on the couch, eyes wide and fixed on him.
“And every, every, every, every damn time it was down to me! Down to me! I had to find food! I had to learn to steal. I had to learn how to hide in trash, to crawl on my belly through dogshit and broken glass, just to protect the few wen I earned. Had to find the books so we could study. Had to figure out HOW to study! Had to figure out what job could get us out. What it would take. Do you know what I sacrificed? I don’t! I have no idea what I gave up because I never knew it was an option! Friends? Don’t have any. Never did. No lovers. No pets. My happy home was a Tier-C apartment that is slum housing here in Siphios, and I cried when I got those keys because it was so so so much better than what I had before.”
He gasped for air. “Hero? I was a fucking weapon, a slumrat surviving however it could. Hero? I saw one path to live, and I killed to make it real!”
He was shivering, fingers becoming ridged. “Put down the blade? Etenesh, I AM THE BLADE! I have to be! Everything is trying to kill me and the sibs.” He looked at her face, seeing the tears dripping from her eyes. “I want you so, so much. And I don’t know how.”
He couldn’t stand it anymore. He bolted from the room. Swept through the corridors of Nag Hamadi, losing himself, twisting himself along their ancient courses. He had been headed for a side door but must have made a wrong turn. He hit a stairwell and went down. Further and further. He kept looking for a sub-basement, somewhere deep enough he could hide from himself.
He was desperately trying not to think. It was outrageous. Outrageous to just call someone a hero. Who does that? Who does that? Going around claiming him. Saying he belongs to them. He’s a Desrin. He didn’t know a fucking thing about the Desrin. He is clearly from Siphios. Oh, is he? News to him! A life without attachments- not since he was a baby. Not since Harmony was born.
What did “Errantry” even mean?
The stones down here weren’t covered in the same script as above- rough sandstone down here. There were amulets, gems, carved inscriptions, and webs of spells, yes, but more pragmatic. Functional.
It all came back to the sibs and the slums and his shitty parents. He had a pretty sweet gig here when you got right down to it. Pay was a joke, but free room and board, top-notch education, top-notch spells provided, and he happened to know a certain young lady that was interested in him. What did it matter, really, if people pushed all that shit on him? All their ideas, all the things they wanted him to be? Didn’t affect him one bit. He wouldn’t eat one bite more or less.
Why was he so pissed? He found a corner and collapsed into it. Looked like a storeroom of some kind. Tarps covering furniture, boxes of stuff, heaps of other stuff. He could be a heap too.
Why did he care about all those scry-lies? About being called a hero? Because clearly, he did.
Because in addition to wanting to feel loved, you crave acknowledgment. But you are honest enough to demand that the acknowledgment is for something real. For the real things you did. The stuff you think is worth cheering for. Survival, for you, is the minimum necessary. Not something that needs recognition.
Back again, huh? Been awful quiet for a while now.
I’ve been having a full-blown identity crisis. Not good times.
Didn’t see that one coming.
You were ignoring the missions unless I literally put them directly in front of you. You had to be in the library, looking for books to read. I mean, not a great feeling.
Oh?
It’s the major way I have interacted with you that wasn’t just running your spells. And you just… haven’t been that motivated. Part of that is the rewards don’t really work for you. “Do this, get an elixir,” that’s more your speed. But you also just haven’t been that kind of hungry.
Yeah. Like, I know I need more power. I know that. World’s going to hell. Sibs are… wherever they are. Only the strong shall survive. And all that. But… I dunno.
It all seems a bit pointless. A bit rat-race. Get the sibs out of Jeon, then what? Fight Starbrite? Fight the Shattervoid? Got to do something, world’s going to Hell. But what about Truth? Who’s gonna fight for him?
Truth had to blink his eyes hard. Dust.
Yeah. Yeah. It would nice to know someone had my back. Or could do something without me having to fight for them.
You are the wrong kind of hungry for my usual support. You know what? Since we are both having a moment here, let’s call it what it is. My usual tricks. You get that the missions are a scam, right? Well, not a scam, a method of control. Yeah, you figured that out. That little jolt down your spine when you hear that focus group tested chime.
I hadn’t put words to it, but... Something about it just felt off. Like it was almost addictive.
No “almost” about it. It’s intended to stimulate a lot of the same parts of your brain as drugs and slowly make you dependent on that feeling to feel good. Addicted psychologically, if not physically. And you have started ignoring them. You see where this leaves me.
A deeply annoying voice in my head. Kind of amazed how civil you have been so far in this conversation, actually.
Yeah, well. Getting to that. So… I’m not handling the spell load for you, I’m not managing missions for you, and while puzzling out new spells and helping you learn languages is fun, it’s also of limited entertainment value after a while. And, in a bit of really spectacular cosmic unfairness, I do get bored.
Your major reason not to drive me into committing suicide, if I recall correctly.
Exactly! Although that reasoning has kind of changed. It was after the whole vision journey you took.
There was an awkward pause. Truth had the feeling that the evil little spirit didn’t know how to say whatever it was that it wanted to say. He looked around the storeroom a bit more. Not much to see, sitting in the corner. Some flags. A whole bunch of rope, tied up in short hanks. A stack of stackable chairs.
I don’t think I’m a Spirit of Intellect.
Finally willing to come out of the demonic closet?
Hoho, you are very funny. My very material and tangible sides are splitting because of your humorous jape. Hohoho.
There was a sort of psychic sigh.
Look, that vision you had? One of only a few things should have happened to me during that. Number one is nothing. Just… your nous goes off and has its moment, then it comes back, and I pick through whatever you understood of it. The second thing that could happen is that I go off and have my own experience. Which would make sense, to a degree, because I am almost entirely nous. The, hah, intersection of mind and soul.
I still don’t really know what “nous” means. Sounds made up.
For once, just shut up and roll with it. This is where it gets really scary, not some bullshit vocab word. Possibility number three- I see some janky, nonsensical thing because you and I are intimately connected but still separate intelligences. But none of that is what actually happens.
Truth spun a finger in a circle. Okay?
What actually happens, against all logic, is that I go on the exact same vision you do. And yes, I know what I said before. I lied. Sue me. It was a very traumatic moment. I saw Botis. I saw your… rough patron, as you call him. I felt him damn near rip me out of you! Which was pretty fucking awful as experiences go!
Wait, what? How?
That’s why I wanted you to read all those books on possession. There are too many things about you that don't add up. How come you are torturing me? How come I get hauled along on your spirit journey? How come your patron can reach into your soul and pull me out? Even before the vision, shit wasn’t adding up in increasingly major ways.
You figured something out. Truth sat up. His fists clenched.
I think so. I have had literally years, almost a decade, to observe your soul from the inside. Every time you have one of your little episodes, and I get tortured, it changes slightly. It shifts a bit and becomes a bit more real. More perfect. Just a smidge, but it’s adding up. Whatever those episodes are, it’s something about you trying to repair and improve your soul.
Prager’s nuts! No, wait, everyone thinks we’re Desrin. Any good Desrin oaths?
If there are, you haven’t heard them yet.
So my soul has determined you are a parasite and is trying to, what, drive you out?
That would actually be the less fucked up option. If that’s the case, it means that there is something physically different about your body that prevents me from escaping. One of the reasons we spent all that time reading those books on possession- is that actually a thing that can happen? According to the books available in a rural university library, the answer is “No.” Without the least suggestion that it might be “Yes.”
Alright, I’m still not getting the problem here. If it’s not my body you can’t escape, then maybe it’s my soul. You do seem to be more-or-less tethered to it.
Which leads me to the point. If it’s not your body that’s keeping me trapped. If I am seeing the same thing your nous is seeing. If a god-like being can reach into me and almost-but-not-actually pull me out of your soul, then I can see only one logical conclusion.
There was a definite sense of handwringing now.
You have remembered your swearing in often enough. The confessor had you hold a box, what he called an engram reader. It felt warm and comfortable, and you were surrounded by a yellow light. As you opened your literal soul to him and whatever was in the box. You then swore an oath of obedience to the System Astrologica, and something descended down onto you, and I came into existence. I had my self-awareness, an understanding of how to do certain things, and a few overriding objectives for how I managed things for you.
Truth, I think they mutilated your soul. I think I’m… you.
Comments
Novel Cat
AGREED!!! More perspectives are Always Welcome lol.
Novel Cat
Not sure if you know the box you're trying to open but ok. I'll try not to feel embarrassed if I end up leaving an essay (or three). 🙂😊💖😊 Thank y'all for being so kind and appreciating my thoughts 😁😊💖🙈💖. It's nice. 😊 😏😏👀😏 and it's Kinda Easy to get immersed in a good Delectable Book lol. It's a tasty delicacy that makes my mind HUNGER for more lol. I even like the gritty bits cuz they got a nice Crunch to em lol. Though most chapters are more like a naughty snack with tasty crunchy bits sprinkled across the sheet lol. Like, you know something is there, but you don't know how good it's gonna be until you Crunch down on it lol. So Thank YOU for writing this story and putting so much work into making it Believable! 😊 I LIKE the fact that he's Not some omnipotent crazy fighting/killing machine with NO flaws, hang ups, etc. Is Overpowered and Perfect at Everything (body, mind, skills, etc). AND has all the guys and gals hanging off of his every word while competing for the "privilege" of joining him in his nightly orgies..... See where I'm going here? 👀😂😅 I honestly, LOVE how Human he, and the other characters, Feel. How they struggle internally and externally to face the, sometimes Literal, demons that harass them. How they deal with it before, during, and after a situation happens. How they make connections and base those connections off of their past experiences and Not just because Author-san said so (lol). How they triumph and fail in life, how this interacts with their goals, how that then impacts their life, and how they move forward. I especially like how our MC seeks to make meaningful connections with those around him who he hopes to connect with. With his background it'd be understandable to simply use others as others have used him. But he doesn't do that. He wants something better. Something more (hopefully) Permanent and Not a brief fling to toss aside at a moment's notice. He's constantly(/stumblingly) pushing forward even when his darkest thoughts seek to tear him down. And yeah it's not easy, but he's still trying. 😁😊 And I LOVE IT. Their GROWTH and little quirks ARE also what I love Most it seems and I hope to constantly continue reading such Delectable Chapters lol. Especially since it makes everything else seem more believable and enjoyable... Even when it hurts... (Though I might take another vacay to cleanse my mind before going forward lol.) But please never limit your writing style just cuz I'm randomly (*coughsidestorycough*) weak lol. Another aspect of this story that I like is that it didn't go the whole cookie cutter route. Yes we've got the weak to strong trope but we're not limited to just that aspect of that trope. We get to see him grow, we get to see the weaknesses in such an admittedly strong man, and we get to see each step he takes in his growth even when he doesn't even know where he's going much less what he's going to do next lol. For instance, we first follow along with his brainwashed self into his being betrayed (attempted forced "suicide") and learning that the Santa he was working for was actually Satan... (Even though he could already see the horns poking through the hat lol). But instead of going the "I am protagonist watch me Slay" route, we see him acknowledge the reality of 1 vs Organized MILLIONS (if not Trillions), the struggle of not being there for his sibs, and his struggle through learning to be there for himself while still learning About himself. Plus taking what comes in the moment. Even if that means breaking down later 😊💖. I Also like how he doesn't simply set himself in a box to only like one sex and is willing to learn more about himself, even in the depths of his brainwashing, to welcome those who welcome him. Though it's still a contradiction since he's also understandably fearful of letting anyone in cuz the only pple he's ever trusted was his sibs. The multi layered Thoughts that were put into this story are what makes it so Delectably Hard to put down lol. *insert delicious multi layered dish here* Kinda like Lasagna, cuz That's how I feel about this story lol. It's a bit salty crispy/crunchy on top but Deep, well seasoned, and Meaty with layered cheesy goodness inside lol. 😅😏😋 AnyMcWays LOVE the story and looking forward to the next chapter(s)! 😁😊 Wouldn't be here if I didn't lol. My only extra thought on the brainwashing + system is, exactly how much of his personality/mind space was stunted/stolen by the implantation of the system? Are there any memories missing or added on? Is his original ability to learn split between him and his "system"? Or did the system steal parts of his subconscious to better specialize it into a learning format and That's why most pple don't hear their systems controlling their thoughts and actions... Since most pple can't hear, much less understand, their subconscious? And did his "system" unintentionally(?) steal what little confidence he had? If so, what other emotional aspects were played with during the implementation of his system? Just a few thoughts that came to mind after editing this (essay) comment. 😅😊
Baconwargod
Its difficult for me to talk because you covered so much. I will say I desperately want to see E and J's perspective of Truths breakdown. They knew that Truth had lived a rough life but I think even still they are coming at it from their own perspective. They simply cant conceive of living in the conditions Truth has. Not because they are self centered or narcissistic they just don't have a frame of reference and he kind of gave it to them with his rant. I would love to see what they were thinking. Especially since E started to cry. I think it hit her just how bad Truth had it. Its like when he asked them why it mattered that God left they cant conceive of someone growing up not caring about God. I hope todays chapter sheds more light on their perspective.
Nonnyor Business
I wanted to second what Jacob wrote. I really enjoyed reading your comment. It is great seeing people dive into the story like that, engaging with it, and clearly having a lot of fun with it. It's incredibly satisfying as an author. I won't spoil your fun, so no spoilers from me, but... I really thought it was great. Don't worry about rambling. You do you.
Baconwargod
I don’t think his system is unique his soul is just uniquely resilient. I think everyone that gets the system has their soul mutilated. When they die that piece of them gets consumed by the System. I think that’s how it and the head of Starbrite cultivate taking small parts of hundreds of thousands of peoples souls.
Baconwargod
Please never change your comment made my day.
Novel Cat
*pouts* I don't copypasta... I Ramble... Unintentionally (especially when invested)..... But that's it... And I don't Mean to ramble (almost) endlessly but it still happens without me realizing it... The only thing I copied was my verbal response to this chapter. 😖😅🙈 *pushes sand around with finger* Sorry, I'm a bit sensitive about that. But I'm glad you liked my thoughts!!! Especially since I'm personally invested in this story lol. And thank you for the compliment on my thought processes! (Though you've already seen Some of its flaws via the chronic Rambling lol.) Brainstorming is fun lol. So, speaking of, what are Your thoughts on possibilities brought up by this revelation? Or any other aspect of the story I overlooked in my focus on the soul aspect lol. I like bouncing thoughts around 😁😊. 🙈😅 but if I'm doing too much don't worry about responding lol.
Novel Cat
You're better than me, rambling seems to be in my blood lol.
Joel Nunya
I wrote a really long comment and then deleted it. I'll just say, much thanks Warby for writing such an interesting epic. I appreciate Truth's detailed and interesting growth . I especially like the well written perfectly timed dishing out of story/character knowledge, answering questions I wasn't sure I had until I saw the answer.
John Anastacio
Odd to think that the philosopher dreams are improving his soul even a little. Perhaps giving Truth the life-education he needs to have a value set, any value set, beyond 'join Starbrite and protect the sibs'. I saw the ending to this chapter about halfway through. If the System came along and observed his conversation with Cain, then the System is Truth.
Nonnyor Business
Literally LOL. Also I could completely see this.
Chillitsagame
As you can see, Truth is having a mental breakdown and believes he is talking to his own soul. When you are such a horrible person to betray the great Starbright, praise be to the System Astrologica, psychosis is to be expected. Use coupon code I<3STARBRIGHT to received 2 for 1 discount on a therapy session with a heart daemon.
Baconwargod
I thought this was a copypasta. Its not. Just incredible never change and I wish I had your brain ,excellent.
Novel Cat
I feel I must copy my exact reaction to this possible revelation..... *ahem* "Holy what the ever Flaming FUCK?!???" *end copy* 😌 ... I mean, I was Already starting to Not hate the system so much after it admitted that Truth Wasn't dumb and that it was simply harassing him for out of spite. But to think that it was Actually His Own Soul... Just mutilated and brainwashed enough to think that it was a Separate Entity 😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳😳 👀😳😟 That just brings up a whole Landfill's worth of worms and possible connections. Also gotta say that those worms he swallowed are the creepiest MVP if what I'm thinking is true... Cuz they're probably the only reason why his soul was strong enough to Not be torn apart when it was "harvesting" time... Plus, if everything I'm assuming is true, then that'd mean that Astroligica is constantly getting stronger from feeding on the souls of all its "employees" *coughslavescough*. 👀 Both from just twisting the soul into a constant siphon source (of both info And power), AND from when it intentionally TEARS a portion of that same soul Out of that body... 😦 👀😳 Could it be that those who're high leveled in the company already have their soul mostly converted into an Astrologica Esq format? Therefore making it Easier to integrate the soul(s) into itself Faster when it's (harvest) time?!????? And THAT'S WHY they're so Thoroughly "BRAINWASHED"!?......... And easy to Control?!??? Sorry, still trying to absorb the possible connections/repercussions of what I've just heard/learned... I mean, we Already know Jeon, aka Starbrite, is Seriously Fucked Up, but Just when you think we've accepted that we're at the bottom of shit mountain, we realize that the shit were standing on is actually quicksand and we STILL don't know it's Depths🤢🤢🤢..... Btw, I still feel a bit Sick and Unclean from that side story, (and had to take a break and DROWN my brain in other stories to come back😅), but this context just makes a Shitty situation even Worse 😅👀💀. And we haven't even learned of what all's going on with both Vigor or Harmony yet but I honestly don't know what's worse: A. Hoping that their situation isn't As bad. Or B. Hoping that their situation isn't Worse than... Sophia's situation..... I'm still glad that he let his emotions out in a place where he subconsciously felt safe even if he still ran out the room to hide afterwards. Steps forward are Hardly always comfortable, much less easy, but getting out of one's comfort zone only helps us to grow. Even if it's only small steps at times lol. And I'm loving the growth of Both Truth and his "system". Seriously looking forward to what comes next lol. Thanks for the chap!!! ^~^ ^~^ ^~^ ^~^ ^~^ ^~^
Stormbuilder
Huh...well now that is a reveal.
William Jackson
Also sounds like he just found a target for the professors mission in a shiny box. BTW not sure if you intended >WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, FIGHT STARBITE? in tommy-2's rant, but they're officially Starbite in my brain XD
Baconwargod
You succeeded my friend.
Nonnyor Business
Thank you very much! I wanted to make sure Chapter 100 went hard.
Baconwargod
Well that’s a bombshell two halves of a whole that’s cool as hell. Also some real killer lines “ I AM THE SWORD” goes pretty hard also “Do you know what I gave up for this because I don’t” was really good. All round stellar.
