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Dungeon Crawler Carl recap of Book 6 The Eye of the Bedlam Bride Plus NEWS NEWS NEWS
🕑 Added 2024-11-06 02:07:34 +0000 UTCThis entire post is book 7 spoiler free.
Hey everyone. If you're paid, you've already seen this inside the book file, but since we opened the poll up to the public I figured I'd make this bit public as well. This is the recap of book 6 that appears in the very, very beginning of book 7.
If you'd rather have Jeff Hays read it to you and hear a little more about the poll:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yth1YfWE9A
Also! Book 7 This Inevitable Ruin is NOW AVAILABLE in paperback. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0DLTHPBQJ Ebook on Monday! Jeff Hays COLD READS start in a few weeks. Audio out Feb. 11.
EVENTS!
(Basic note. If the event is at a bookstore, they will have their own rules, but generally they will have books 1-3 in hardcover. If it's a con or something weird, like the Vegas Rave, BRING YOUR OWN BOOK. None of these stores will have copies of book 7 on hand. )
THIS THURSDAY (As in the day after tomorrow on Nov 7) . I will be at Mysterious Galaxy in San Diego having a chat with my buddy Kiersten White. Tickets and information at: https://www.mystgalaxy.com/110724Dinniman
And the following Friday November 15th I will be at Rave in Vegas: https://www.authornation.live/rave (BRING YOUR OWN BOOKS IF YOU GO. I WILL HAVE VERY, VERY FEW BOOKS)
November 22nd I will be at Powells in Beaverton, OR https://www.powells.com/book/dungeon-crawler-carl-vol-01-9780593820247/2-2
Then King's English and DragonSteel in Salt Lake City. Dragonsteel is long sold out but I will be at the King's English in SLC the night before (Wed December 4) w/Daniel Greene) https://www.kingsenglish.com/events/1238220241204
And finally, the French edition of Dungeon Crawler Carl releases in two days for print and a month or two for French audio. We have multiple other languages forthcoming. Stay tuned.
Enough of this bait and switch commercial bullshit. Take me to the goddamned recap:
TEMPEST'S FLOOR 8 REPORT
“I gotta tell you, honey,” Quasar said. “You really need an exfoliating treatment. Maybe put some lotion on those hands.”
“Look, asshole,” Tempest said, looking up. “I don’t criticize how you do your lawyering. I don’t criticize those stupid ties you insist on wearing. You don’t need to criticize how I fix your plumbing, especially when we both know I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Tits, kid, I’m not criticizing your work. I’m just pointing out how rough your skin looks.”
“What the fuck does my skin have to do with anything? Are you some sort of pervert? And we agreed to a trade, so get talking.”
“First off, you’re my niece, and I’m looking after your health. Secondly, I absolutely won’t answer that second question because of my answer to the first question. But, yes. Though your dad is worse. Ask him about the petting zoo incident. And what do you need this for again?”
The young nullian rolled her eyes. “I told you, Quasar. I have a report due on perceptions of the crawl, and I’m interviewing people, having them give me recaps, and I was assigned Carl and Donut. Obviously my teacher assigned me them because I’m related to you, and if I don’t interview you about it, I will fail. Most everyone else I’m interviewing is just giving me their answers for free. I don’t see why you have to be such a dick about it.”
“Most people love the sound of their own biscuit holes flapping. I am very busy, and my time is valuable. You want information, you should learn to trade for it. It’s good for you.”
“But why have me fix your sink? Why do you even have this thing? I don’t know shit about this old plumbing stuff. Can’t you do it yourself?”
“I could, but I’m teaching you a valuable life lesson. Never give shit up for free because if you do, they’ll just keep coming back to you and will expect more and more.”
“The only lesson I’ve learned today is that my uncle is a colossal prick,” Tempest said. “Now start talking.”
“Okay,” Quasar said. “Carl fucked shit up. He fucked up a little in the end and now has a spider stuck in his chest. The end.”
“I swear to the gods old and new if you don’t give me what I want I am going to tell my father that you said you’re my real dad.”
“Now we’re talking, kid,” Quasar said. “Keep saying shit like that, and you’ll get far.” He pulled his vape out and took a pull while she clicked the recorder on her wrist. The recording unit beeped.
“Okay, so. The eighth floor. Supposed to be a bullshit filler floor so the pricks running all this can drag it out as much as possible and collect as much tug money as they can. You get me so far? The whole thing of the floor was they had to collect monster cards to fight with. A bold choice, honestly. Some people hate that nerd shit, especially when there’s lots of rules, but I say, whatever. Did you see the tiddies on that Medusa card that one guy had? Too bad he saw ‘em too.
“Anyway, Donut and Carl got stuck in a place called Cuba, and they collected several cards. In the end, they ended up with a seal thing; a crab named Raul; a giant, terrifying cat; this donkey snake thing; a guy named Uzi Jesus and another guy named Asojano, who both got combined to another guy named Lazarus. Oh, and he had a card named Alpha Carl that was really just Carl but with way better hair and a much cooler voice. In the end, they had to use these cards to fight other card-wielding monsters. These fights were like a Saccathian orgy. They all started off all organized with people following the ground rules, but the moment something weird happened, there was a lot of crying, a lot of bleeding, and a whole lot of screaming confusion.”
“You know I have to put all this in a school report, right? And what about the spider? You forgot to mention her.”
“Your teacher is Miss Guss, ain’t it? Yeah, I won’t be saying anything ol’ Anal Beads hasn’t heard, believe me. Nowadays she can probably turn a carrot flaccid, but back in the day when she was my and your dad’s teacher... Wow. Anyway, Carl’s team basically got donkey fucked by the system, and it looked like they wouldn’t get a key to the next floor. There was this little ass-smear of a prick named Quan. You know your grandmother? Yeah. He was kinda like her, but not as bad. Anyway. That little, sadistic nipple hair stole Carl’s key, so Carl pretty much had to kill him, though he didn’t get a player killer skull. And right afterward, though, this other crawler that people kinda liked died. Her name was Tsren... I don’t fucking remember, but she was a dog girl with a flamethrower and a pet meatball, and now Carl has both the flamethrower and the meatball. It was sad as shit.”
“What else happened that you can recall?”
“So, there was this other chick on the floor. A nun. Sister Ines, who was actually like a serial killer lady. She was a cat girl, by the way. That was funny as shit because Princess Donut did not like her. The nun lady went insane, though there’s some question on how it happened. At the end there, she pretty much started working with the Sheol demon, Amayon, who came to the world during a demon eviction event, and Louis ended up putting her down. But in doing so, Louis ended up marked for death by a god that was sponsored by those weirdo Nebulars. Luckily for Louis, that same god, Ysalte ended up killed by Paz, who’d gotten turned into a card. Also, something else happened after that god died that only us viewers saw, something that’s going to be a big deal later. It has to do with one of the ladies in the party, but I can’t remember her name.”
“That’s so confusing.”
“You want confusing? Ask me how they got into the stairwells at the end. It’s not really important. Look, the important stuff you need to remember is that on this upcoming ninth floor, neither Donut nor Katia can leave until all the Naga are dead. And even once that happens, only one of them can leave. So Katia has this deal with that rich CEO lady sponsoring the goddess Eileithyia to go to the 12th and be a celestial attendant. Katia has to eat this flower thing, which is going to give her three choices. One of which is to be a 12th floor attendant. If it all works, only then can Donut leave. It’s because they both put on some tiara.”
“Huanxin Jinx was the sponsor, right? Yeah, I’m not too familiar with this whole part. Isn’t she the one who cloned herself? The one that got banned years ago for cheating?”
“Same one. When she got banned, it was Princess Donut’s manager, Mordecai, who got railgunned by it. Anyway, there are now ten teams on faction wars. The Princess Posse is one of the teams. One of the teams are the NPCs, led by a psychotic changeling named Juice Box, who has been running around, killing everybody until the system put a stop to it by making her a warlord. She’s in love with that guy, Louis.”
“I like Louis. I’d sure be sad if something terrible happened to him this next floor. He’s the one that kept having sex with the changeling and making her morph into historical figures from Earth.”
“Exactly, and that was Juice Box. Which goes back to rule number one. Be careful who you’re nice to. Because if you are nice to the wrong person, they’ll either take advantage of you, or worse, they might never leave.”
“That seems like terrible advice, Uncle Quasar.”
“No, telling someone to sign a contract in a Naga system is terrible advice because they like to change the rules on you. Recommending a chili cook-off for a first date is terrible advice, especially if you’re lactose intolerant. This is good advice.”
Tempest snorted. “It’s no wonder Aunt Nova left you.”
“You know what, I think I am going to bang your mom. Maybe I’ll give her a child that isn’t such an ass.”
“I hope you do. Then I’ll have a little brother or sister to do my work for me. Anything else I need to remember?”
“Yeah. All those rich fuckers on the floor, like Prince Stalwart the orc, or that banker Operatic guy, or Epitome Tagg from the Dream? They all can really die now. It’s gonna be a shitshow. An epic, but-sir-you-haven’t-taken-a-bath shitshow.”
“You are so disgusting, Uncle Quasar. You still haven’t mentioned that whole thing with the homeless shelter, or that last card, the Eye of the Bedlam Bride. The spider is in him now, isn’t it?”
He shrugged. “The homeless shelter was a non-event. And nobody really knows how that’s going to turn out with the spider in his chest.”
Tempest twisted a pipe and cursed as the whole unit came out. “Mother horse fucker penis basket,” she exclaimed.
“Don’t worry, kid. The sink doesn’t even work anyway. It’s more an art piece.”
She gave him a long, pissed-off look. She reached over and turned off the recorder. “Can I ask you a serious question, Uncle Quasar?”
He took another drag. “What is it?”
She let the bonded polymer pipes fall onto the floor. “Are you in danger? For representing him, I mean? Like, real danger?”
Quasar let out a long stream of smoke. He wanted to lie, but he decided to tell her the truth. The kid deserved it.
“I think we all are, kiddo. It’s the first time in my life I’m glad we live so far out in the middle of nowhere.”
~~~~~~~~
NO SPOILERS IN THE COMMENTS THERE ARE PEOPLE HERE WHO HAVEN'T READ IT YET
Comments
Matt Dinniman 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫
Thanks for your comments, Reach out on tele-gram username: mattdinniman
Matt Dinniman 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫
Thanks for your comments, Reach out on tele-gram username: mattdinniman
BRIAN FORINASH
Hey Matt, can you check your PM? I have a question for you about rewards and I've been having a hell of a time getting answers
Christopher Majava
Damn… I was really hoping the cleaner bot would win in the end. 5 pages of angry beeps
Ilya Taytslin
It contradicts Herot's entry in the Cookbook, that's all. Herot does not have "until the 12th floor starts" clause, just "every crawler dies or makes an exit deal". Which would make it impossible for Carl and Donut to "assist" Huanxin Jinx in any way. Of course that is moot now.
Nighthunter79
"The Ascendency battles didn’t start until the crawlers reached the twelfth floor or they were zeroed out" (prologue, page 6) . The Ascendency attendants are not able to fight each other until the 12th floor starts or every crawler dies or makes an exit deal at the 10th. I don't see the problem..
Seva Batkin
My understanding is because Rend jumped in voluntarily, so it wasn’t an attack by Mongo, and because he wasn’t hurt by this. As several other instances of characters “taking to the air” in the safe room demonstrate (for example, Rosetta before smacking Carl), what is and is not considered an attack is contextual
Paul Wayne
My head is stuck in the dungeon lol
Noelle Echterling
wow you went there paul its called edging lol get your head out of the gutter
Lauren J
Just finished my first read through the actual hard copy paper back book and not just Patreon. I’m so sorry to hear about Freddie, he sounded like the best boy.
Paul Wayne
It’s called edging
Sabe F.
So... Is there something wrong with my patreon subscription? Matt appears to have gone radio silent for more than a month. Nothing since this post in fact. Am I missing something?
Brychan Govier
I'm pedicuring up just in case it's what he needs
Ilya Taytslin
That really does not address my question. If we take Herot at his word, Ascendancy Games start if every surviving crawler declines to enter 11th floor, and do not start if some enter it. Same with 12th floor.
Rando
You have to take the paragraph immediately preceding into context I think: "For the 11th floor, the average was less than 10 crawlers. Very few chose to push on instead of making deals." Which makes more sense that the AI still continues progressing through the levels even if not a single crawler makes it to the 12th.
Ilya Taytslin
I just realized an inconsistency. According to one of Herot's Cookbook entries (it's in Bedlam Bride), Ascendancy Games do not even START until every crawler has either died or exited the dungeon. If this is the case, how did Huanxin Jinx ever expect to get any help from Donut and Carl to win the Games? Or did this particular rule change since Herot's season?
Kelli
WE’RE GETTING ITCHY, DINNIMAN Not kidding, but also hoping all is well with daddy Matt. It’s crazy times and we all need to take care of ourselves and each other. If you need us to send feet pics, WE WILL
Brychan Govier
I went to my staff Christmas party last night and while reading this comment while totally scanning past the user name I thought, oh fuck did I post this, because this sounds 100% like a blink reference I'd make while pining for book 8
Paul Wayne
Where are you? And I'm so sorry I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight I need somebody and always This sick, strange darkness Comes creeping on, so haunting every time And as I stare, I counted The webs from all the spiders Catching things and eating their insides Like indecision to call you And hear your voice of treason Will you come home and stop this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight
William Magee
There’s a Xmas present coming, 100%, imagine if we got the prologue for book 8
Jen DuBay
It's 247am. I'm on my 4th listen to Butcher's Masquerade 😆
Brent Lowry
Y’all got any more of them chapters? *scratches furiously*
Christine Brown
Question - who is ameoyon's mother? Demon in sixth book, chapter 69 that Carl "helps" get back with Raul. Samantha said something very interesting about his mother being dead and making sure she stays dead. Since Opedo has a random memorial crystal and isnt dead, it made me wonder. I can't spell the name since I only have the audio book, Google keeps giving me Amazon...
Nighthunter79
He didn't hurt him, so it wasn't an act of violence I guess, and since the tummyacher jumped into Mongo's mouth willingly, the A.I. didn't see it as an attack, too.
Ilya Taytslin
Why did Mongo not teleport away when he swallowed the newly resurrected tummyacher in a safe room? Was it because not yet bound pets do not count? After all, Mordecai was able to grab and throw brindle grubs in a saferoom, which I am pretty sure would count as an attack against a crawler or an NPC
Nicklaus Lindemann
He's probably finishing up Operation Bouncehouse and slowly starting #8. He is a machine!
Zachariah Watkins
Hey Matt, can you check your PM? I have a question for you about rewards and I've been having a hell of a time getting answers
Paul Wayne
Here to figuratively poke Matt with a stick “dance monkey”…jokes aside take your time, I know it’s going to be worth it.
William Magee
I cannot wait to pop in here and see ‘Book 8’ (definitely not strung out one bit!)
Jen DuBay
💖
Carolina Vieira
Anyone here just to check if there’s a new book chapter? Just asking for a friend. Jokes aside, Matt deserves some rest for the holidays!
Dragan
Hope y’all are having a great day.
Sam Boyne
Got my physical copy and so hyped!! Interviews are always fun to watch between you and Jeff Hays
Duke GIJOE
I was hoping there would be more cookies about the galactic implications of the dungeon and the activities within. Quasar head a unique perspective that I hoped would be include, or maybe references to other crawls to deepen the lore.
Steve Hansen
As a voter for the cleaner bot I’m a little disappointed the little guy wasn’t picked. My mind is racing with ideas on how it could impact the story if it went on stand. Matt pm me if you would like me to share. Instead of spewing it out here. As always great piece of writing, not sure how you can keep improving on such a great series.
Christine Brown
Just got the book from Amazon and holy hell, you could knock someone down with this puppy! Dual purpose in my nightstand, for intruders or if I can't sleep. Cheers!
Grace, The Bringer of Scalpels, Queen of Fuckeryy
An actual brick and mortar baby! I sold both copies they had haha and told her to tell everybody it's the best book series on earth.
Dirty Dibbler
A book store? I saw the first book in a Target the other day
Grace, The Bringer of Scalpels, Queen of Fuckeryy
Matt I was in an actual book store today browsing and sold 2 of your DCC book one hard backs!! I overheard people talking and told them what to read. Haha I hope they love it!!
Gabein Davis
That’s a thing…
Gabein Davis
Subtle lore drop about Huanxin Jinx cloning herself. Feels relevant.
Corey Pittman
I was so hoping that would be the route. I love the idea of the robot with little personality turning out to be such a deep thinker and looking down on all these “Monkey speak” people.
Gnomeagedden
My wife bought two tickets so I will be there in Salt lake.
Nicklaus Lindemann
Danger! High Voltage by Electric Six. Just heard this song and think it should definitely be a contender for a future Alarm Trap song 🎵 👌
son of gaming
Hey Matt, are you planning to do any book signings in Europe?
Treamayne
Thank you very much for the post. Already some debates about Tempest's age. . . So Nullian equivalent of Tween, Teen, or early College-age?
Sabe F.
Agreed. Shit news to wake up to.
Kim Webster
Fuck my life.
Ilya Taytslin
I would not even call him an asshole. Just "does not suffer fools gladly".
Ilya Taytslin
Well, there is a fanfic of it already
Sabe F.
Sooooo.......can we have Kamal the shark back now, Matt?
thatbrodou
Never had 5 days felt so long 🥲
Crystal Donak
Me: WAIT let me re-read this sentence again. Please..... DAMN MF>> DAMN and then several more expletives.
Janette
I was curious about the cleaner bot’s perspective too! If it is actually sentient, you should have it do a little color commentary now and then! 🤣 Hopefully it’s not like Marvin from hitchhikers lol
Paul pollard
Thanks Matt and I have a whole nother stack of books for you to sign next time I see you. I wish you safety and good luck at all your events for the rest of the year.
Matt D
I have not heard from them, no.
Matt D
I’ll sign whatchu got. Sometimes they have workers who can be a little strict but just tell me what you have and have ‘em ready and I will sign them
Matt D
Errr I don’t know but it’s possible they’ve moved it to the church based on the number of sign ups.
BJ
Good ol' Uncle Quasar, too bad we didn't get to see the cleaner bot's version. Such a fun bit.
Kelli
Would love to get a taste of that Dungeon Sidekicks Show!!!
Kelli
Do you ever plan to come to Texas? No offense taken if that’s a no lol.
Antiivvan
Question for the event at King's English. The event page says it is at the First Baptist Church. So do you know if the event is at King's English or at the Baptist Church?
Jason Hatter
Quasar is an asshole, but not a bad guy.
Lauren DeCremer
See you in San Diego!!
Shane
What! Wow, that comment from the kid has such long term implications. Little seeds……can’t wait to see that come back around 😳😳😳 (hopefully not a spoiler comment) Ps, loved the alpha Carl comment about the better voice 🤣
James Schick
I don't know if DM's are possible on this platform, quite frankly, but if they are then shoot me a message. I will happily snag whatever you want signed and we can settle up afterwards IRL over a pint of cider. Crawlers have to stick together.
DourSun
I know he has some kind of tablet that he uses to send & receive email. Not certain what the brand is.
Nicklaus Lindemann
If we buy all 3 hardbacks and book 7 at a signing, can all 4 be signed??
Stephen Greenwood
Wait, she cloned herself?!
riyon hutton
Did inklings in Yakima ever reach out to you Matt?
riyon hutton
I’d love for this to be true
riyon hutton
Wow that’s great to be such a great friend. Out of curiosity can they have the Bob Barker Tablets for kindle?
Scott F
Next book jacket recommendation! #2 best rated book after the Bible in prison
riyon hutton
Love loves love
Christine Brown
That was fast! Thank you!!
Boredfundiesnark
I’m so sad. I live in Portland area but have a work trip and am going to miss this 😢😢
Matt D
It's fixed!
Matt D
A REMINDER. NO SPOILERS IN COMMENTS. FEEL FREE TO POST THEM IN THE POST WITH THE BOOK FILES. NOT HERE.
DourSun
I have a friend in prison that I send books & money to on occasion. I've never seen my friend so stoked as when I introduced him to the DCC series. He tells me everybody enjoys the hell out of the series and its been passed around so much the covers are coming off. Couldn't buy & send them book 7 fast enough. I won't tell him its coming, of course. Surprise, MFer!
James Schick
Man, my loving wife has agreed to accompany me to what she called, "Dungeon Master Carl's," author event at the Beaverton Powell's. 😅🤣
Jeremy Gray
Will the club Scolopendra design make it to a t shirt, I love it
Ann Mansour
Awesome, looking forward to getting into book 7!
Jeremy Gray
I am actually hoping that not just our friends in the Dungeon make it but Quasar and the folks in the wider universe do too.
The Lost Pages
Awesome chapter. Love this perspective.
Shane
Powells!! So pumped! Thanks for stopping by 👍
Daniel Fraser
Ok, changed my mind, I wanted Katia to do the recap on an episode of dungeon sidekicks so bad, but this? This is godamned incredible!…. Can we get at least 1 recap through dungeon sidekicks? I think that’d be awesome.
Christine Brown
Matt, I get an error on the Amazon link for the paperback, FYI. Thank you!!
Stephan Doyle
I so desperately needed this tonight.
Dustin Alford
Loved this in the book man. Such a somber view from a character I didn’t expect it from.
Gary W Zabel
See you in Vegas!
Selby
Amazing
