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Fisting For Fun — Chapter 6
🕑 Added 2025-05-31 20:50:26 +0000 UTCMittelt sat on a pew, legs swinging idly over the edge as she threw pebble after pebble at a broken statue across the nave. If only she
Mittelt sat on a pew, legs swinging idly over the edge as she threw pebble after pebble at a broken statue across the nave. If only she could bring her laptop down here…
She could keep watch while listening to something. It already sucked enough that she had to do the crappy chores when Raynare was probably ‘busy’ fantasizing about Sacred Gears while diddling herself.
This was so friggin’ unfair—
Her head swiveled around as the doors suddenly swung open with a creaky noise, an excited smile coming to her face.
The bald hunk strutted inside, his foreign conquest to his left, and the cute, innocent Asia one step behind them like a lost, little duckling.
The vampire’s gaze lingered on her, and while that delicate face betrayed no emotion, she didn’t miss the slight narrowing of her eyes.
Mittelt pushed herself up, smile dimming. She wouldn’t be having as much fun as the last time, it seemed. This Valerie chick seemed nice and chill enough, but she’d seen someone make that mistake before…
Better to get a feel of the waters a little more first.
“Sup.” Alex pinned her with that small, self-assured smirk that made heat pool in her stomach, and she bit the inside of her lip, a cheeky reply on her tongue.
“Welcome back~ Did you have fun?”
“Yes, Lady Mittelt,” Asia spoke with a bright smile. “I saw many new things and had delicious food. I even made my first friends.”
Mittelt nodded along. “That’s nice. You can’t stay cooped up inside the church all day long.” Unlike others…
“I don’t mind it in here,” Asia shook her head, “but there are many things outside I’d like to see, too.”
A naïve, little girl, but everyone had to start somewhere.
“Just ask when you see me around,” Alex said as they came to a stop. “You can join us again the next time we go out.”
Asia walked up to him and bowed her head politely. “Thank you for–Ah, sorry. Thank you and thank you for help and taking me to shop.”
Mittelt bit back a laugh while Alex gave the silly girl a friendly pat on the shoulder. “You’re welcome. See you around.”
Humans sure had it rough with their language problems.
“Yes, see you, too!” Asia said happily, flashing those two a smile before walking away, deeper inside the church.
Alex watched her until she disappeared behind a corner, lips quirked ever so slightly, and Mittelt fought back a spark of annoyance, eyes narrowing.
This kid better not turn into more competition.
Finally looking away, Alex slipped his hands in his pockets, and she pushed a teasing smirk to her face.
“You sure you’re not into nuns?”
A beat of silence passed as the smile slipped off his face, leaving it utterly flat.
“No,” he said, missing the way his vampire girlfriend was eyeing him subtly from the corner of her eye.
Mittelt bit the inside of her lip, suppressing a laugh. She wasn’t the only one worrying about competition, was she?
But he seemed honest enough. And she was probably thinking too hard about it, anyway. Asia didn’t have it in her to seduce anyone.
“By the way, the boss wants to talk to you,” Mittelt said, catching the brief, tiny frown that crossed Valerie’s face. Not a fan of Raynare, huh?
“Any idea what she wants?” Alex cocked a brow, not sounding particularly thrilled about it either. Probably playing it cool, because she keenly remembered how he kept staring at those fat tits like they had their own gravity pull.
“She’s probably salty that you came to me with the Grail thing instead of her.”
“You were literally the first person I saw,” he said, tone dry as the desert, and she let out an amused huff.
“It doesn’t matter when her ego’s the size of this church.”
He stared at her for a quiet moment, mouth drawing a thin line as he pushed a long-suffering sigh through his nose. “You bragged to her about it, didn’t you?”
Busted.
“Maybe?” She smiled innocently, but he pinned her with an unimpressed look.
“That’s not gonna work on me.”
Mittelt shrugged. “Can’t blame a girl for trying—
A creaking noise drew her attention to the door, eyes widening as she saw Dohnaseek limp inside, holding his left arm tightly and bleeding from a gash on his face and more across his body.
Yikes.
“What the heck happened to you?” she said, a spike of worry lodging in her stomach.
Donny walked closer, chuckling weakly. “It didn’t go as planned.”
“No crap! You said it was an easy one!”
Just stealing some stupid doohickey from a Shinto shrine in the boonies. Easy peasy. Even she would’ve done it without much trouble.
“It was, until a goddamn Tengu showed up.”
Mittelt paused, the words echoing inside her head. A friggin’ Tengu?
“The heck was a Tengu doing all the way there?” Weren’t they supposed to stick close to Kyoto and Tokyo?
“How should I know?” Donny scoffed, slowly lowering himself on a nearby pew with a pained grunt. “I’m just grateful I got out alive.”
Mittelt frowned. Yeah… losing another friend would’ve sucked.
“Did you at least grab the thing?”
“Of course not,” he ground out through clenched teeth, mouth curling with a sneer. “I doubt it would’ve let me get away if I did.”
Mittelt couldn’t help the slightest wince at the acerbic tone. He got himself all messed up for nothing. No wonder he sounded so pissed.
Her gaze lingered on his litany of wounds, that unpleasant feeling twisting further in her chest.
The bleeding didn’t look like it was going to stop anytime soon. She’d better go grab Asia and—Mittelt blinked, sending a sideways glance at the quiet duo. They had Alex here with the Grail—
“Was it strong?” Alex spoke up, and she turned to him with an odd look.
Why did that even matter? Wasn’t it obvious?
Donny eyed the man for a moment, a deep frown lining his face. “I ran on sight,” he gestured vaguely with his good arm at himself, “and I still ended up like this.”
Alex took a better look at Dohnaseek, brows climbing up a fraction. His lips stretched with a smile, eyes gleaming in excitement.
“Where is it?”
Mittelt blinked in realization. Oh… he was like that.
She sighed, lips drawing a thin line. She never understood these battle maniacs.
“West of Toei, a shrine—
A wince twisted his face, teeth gritting in pain, before a pained cough tore out of him, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth.
This dumbass… he looked like he might keel over at any moment.
“They said you have the Grail.” Donny wiped off the blood with the back of his hand, pinning the man with a weak glare. “Mind healing me?”
“Yeah, could you?” Mittelt turned to Alex with pleading eyes, gesturing with a thumb at her banged up friend. “Asia’s gonna need a while to heal these many wounds.” And the Grail was better anyway.
“Sure.” He stepped closer, opening a hand. “Think that yōkai is stronger than a high-class Devil?”
Talk about a one-track mind.
“Can you make sure I’m not dying before I answer your questions?”
“Fair enough.”
A flash of golden light suddenly lit up the place, the Grail appearing above his palm. Snatching it out of the air, he held it out in front of Donny like a cup ready for a toast.
Mittelt let out an amused huff as Donny grabbed the chalice and took a long sip, eyes going wide as the Grail abruptly vanished from his hand. A moment later, he let out a relieved sigh as his wounds began to heal in fast forward.
“Thanks,” he spoke gruffly with a slight bow of the head, rolling his left shoulder and flexing his arm.
She nibbled at her lip, brows knitting. “We’re not getting in trouble over this are we?”
“Probably not.” Donny sat up, adjusting his coat and miraculously intact fedora while Alex eyed him intently.
“So, you said there was a Tengu. How long ago did you fight?”
She blinked in surprise. He wasn’t thinking about going all the way there just to fight it, was he?
While Donny frowned in thought, she took another glance at Alex, the eager smile on his face revealing everything she needed to know.
Of course he was…
“Probably ten minutes now. I could open you a gate there,” Donny said nonchalantly, and Alex shared a look with his vampire girlfriend, the ghost of a smile pulling at her lips.
“You can go fight it. I can return on my own,” she said, and he smiled in relief.
“I was worried you’d want to tag along.”
“Not unless you’d want me to. I know you enjoy fighting, but I trust you to stay safe.”
He snaked an arm around her waist, smile becoming warmer. “I’ll take you back first. I can make it fast.”
He bent down and, in a smooth, effortless motion, picked Valerie up in a bridal carry, the girl letting out a surprised yelp as he held her close to his chest.
Mittelt fought back a frown, a pang of jealousy lodging in her chest as those two stared at each other like lovestruck teenagers.
Agh, this lovey-dovey crap…
But the more she looked at them, the more that sour feeling twisted around, and she imagined herself in the girl’s place, those thick arms wrapped around her—
“See ya later,” Alex said, turning to her with a smile. Did this guy even notice what he was doing?
“Bye~” She gave him a wave, winking playfully, but then, his girlfriend met her gaze for a moment, an inscrutable look on her face.
Unable to decipher it, Mittelt did her best to play it cool while Alex made his way to the doors, opening them with one hand.
Before leaving, he paused and looked over his shoulder. “I’ll see what she wants when I’m done.”
“Don’t worry.” Mittelt flashed him a smile. “Have fun~”
A moment later, he disappeared in a burst of motion, her smile vanishing along with him.
A sigh escaped her. Raynare wasn’t going to like that…
_________________________________________________________________________
A grassy hill came into view as I stepped out of the swirling portal, what looked like a Japanese shrine looming in the distance. The place where Donny got shanked.
Hopefully, the yōkai was still there.
I threw a quick glance over my shoulder as the gate vanished, a thick forest stretching everywhere I could see. Neat.
The shrine didn’t seem too far, so I broke into a steady jog, idly taking in the scenery. As I got closer, I saw a couple elderly people on their way out, but the interior seemed devoid of people, aside from a young, dark-haired shrine maiden sweeping some leaves.
The woman paused from her work as I entered the shrine grounds, sparing me a brief glance, before returning to her sweeping. I ignored her, making my way deeper inside the place, and took the side path that led uphill, to another section of the shrine.
I kept my eyes peeled and ears open as I climbed up the stone stairs, though nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Just a normal looking shrine that I wouldn’t have looked twice at in any other circumstance.
Sighing, I kept going. Friggin’ yōkai, man…
A large, red Torii welcomed me at the end of the path, leading to a small plateau with a wide, open space and another Japanese-looking building at the other side. It had to be there. Either that, or I might have arrived too late…
A frown pulled at my mouth. I hoped not.
My head started itching as I passed through the wooden gate, and I swatted it on reflex, but there wasn’t any shitty insect when I checked my palm. Slowing to a stop, I looked around while idly scratching at my scalp.
Still nothing unusual…
A muscle jumped in my jaw. Where was that stupid Tengu?!
Nostrils flaring, I brought my hands to my mouth, taking a deep breath, and shouted, “Hey, yōkai, it’s me, ya boi!”
My voice echoed through the place, a few birds flying out of nearby trees. I swept my eyes again over the entire area but still couldn’t spot anything unusual.
Oh, come the fuck on—
A loud flap of wings drew my attention as a lone, feathered figure appeared atop that building from across, hovering there in mid-air like a dark sentinel, spear in hand. It had a bird’s head, dark plumage, and was dressed in white, ceremonial robes.
Finally.
“Foolish human, have you come seeking your death?” the Tengu spoke while I stood there, an excited smile pulling at my cheeks.
This guy looked pretty strong.
“No, I came to fight you.”
The words hung in the air for a tense moment, before the birdman burst into deep, mocking laughter. It lasted for a while, and I nearly rolled my eyes. I’d forgotten how cringe the supernaturals could get in this world.
“A weakling like you?” he said, only to pause and suddenly point his weapon towards me, voice lowering an octave. “You smell like crow. Did that fool—
I couldn’t hold back anymore, a snort escaping me. “That’s funny coming from you.”
A beat of silence followed, the Tengu’s eyes narrowing dangerously. “I was merciful with him, but I shall not tolerate any more disrespect. I shall cut you down where you stand—
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” I rolled my shoulders and stretched my neck, fixing the birdman with a smirk. “Just fight me, bro.”
“Insolent whelp.” His voice came out as an angry hiss, before a dark purple aura, like an ethereal flame, sparked to life in his hand, flowing down the haft and pooling into the gleaming tip.
My stomach churned in excitement, legs tensing as my hands clenched at my sides.
A heartbeat later, the Tengu took off with a flap of wings, blitzing across the plateau, wind buffeting my face as he dove in, spear whistling through the air in a sweeping arc.
His eyes flew wide as I caught the weapon in one hand, glowing tip inches away from my neck, the purple aura snuffing out like a candlelight. I pulled harshly at the handle, dragging the birdman along in a stumble, leaving him wide open as my right hand buried in his gut.
A wheezing breath tore out of the Tengu as he shot away like a cannonball, tumbling through the air and crashing into that building from across with an awful crunch. My legs tensed, ready to spring me right after the guy, but then, he just slid to the ground limply, and I paused, blood pounding in my ears.
A moment passed.
Then another.
And another.
But the birdman kept lying there, unmoving.
The smile slipped off my face. Bruh. That was just a normal punch…
My eyes shifted to my still clenched fist, something tense and sour twisting inside me as a frown pulled at my lips.
Was this how Saitama felt every single time?
Dropping the spear to the ground with a clang, I walked up to the building and took a closer look at the downed birdman, lips pursing at what I saw.
He lay there unconscious, the front of his robes stained red with blood dripping from his beak, the sound of shallow, wheezing breaths barely reaching my ears.
Dude…
I brought out the Grail in a flash of light, splashing some healing juice on the yōkai’s face, listening closely as the wheezing stopped, his chest rising and falling with quiet, deep breaths.
Shoulders sagging with a disappointed sigh, I stashed away the magic cup and kicked a nearby rock, watching as it rolled off the edge. I shouldn’t have brought my hopes up. Of course, a one-winged Fallen angel would get slapped around like that even by a weak yōkai.
Digging a hand in my hoodie, I pulled out a sleek, prepaid phone, and quickly tapped in the pin code, hoping I had signal around here.
A relieved smile came to my face as I saw the screen.
A single line.
I speed-dialed Valerie, bringing the phone to my ear and waiting. If it didn’t work, I’d just text her—
The call connected, and she picked up on the second ring.
I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it, her gentle voice carrying over the line. “How was it?”
“A huge letdown.” A frown came to my face at the reminder. “The guy went down in one punch.”
“It happens.”
“Yeah, maybe I’ll have more luck next time.” Though something told me I’d probably end up like Vali, asking all the strong, named characters for a fight.
Valerie went quiet, a short, slightly awkward pause stretching between us.
“Well, I’ll drop by the church again, then come back home.” We had about two hours until that meeting. Plenty of time to do something fun.
Maybe show her some music from my world?
“Do you really have to talk to her?” Valerie spoke again, a sharper note in her tone.
Poor Raynare… She had a body to die for, but a personality to die from.
My mouth twitched in suppressed mirth at the dumb joke, and I shook my head, glancing up at the sky. Part of me wanted to give her a chance, but with how the chips were falling, her route seemed like a bad end.
“No, but she’d be more annoying if I don’t. And maybe she has something interesting to say.”
She could’ve talked to Azazel or something.
There was another pause, before a soft sigh came through the line. “I see. I’ll be wai—
A whistling noise from behind made me jerk my head to the side on instinct as a gust of wind brushed past my right ear, carving a deep furrow in the building up ahead.
Heart leaping in my throat, I spun around, pulling myself to the side as another wind slash bullshit sailed past my face.
What the fu—
Up ahead, I quickly spotted a shrine maiden ferret thing as they speedily approached, the air swirling around their body, as if riding a gust of wind. Long, wispy claws extended from their fingers, and with a flick of the hand, they launched another wind slash towards me.
I easily side-stepped it, an angry snarl twisting the yōkai’s face, those gusts around them whistling even louder as they lunged, claws slashing once more at the air. Wind tickled at my face as I twisted to the side, dodging around the point-blank spell as my hand lashed out on reflex at the exposed stomach.
I barely managed to open my fist, but still felt the flesh give way to that mighty slap, bits of gore and fine red mist filling my vision as the ferret thing spun through the air like a ragdoll, crashing in a heap of limbs a few meters away. Their left arm twitched slightly, before they went limp, bright red quickly spreading over white of their robes like a giant ink stain.
I stared at the deathly still yōkai, eyes wide and heart drumming in my chest.
Fuck. I’d hit them way too hard.
I ran closer, but as I stopped at their side, I caught a glimpse of my phone and froze. I was only holding half of it, the other lying on the ground, behind me.
A sinking feeling pulled at my stomach, cold gripping at my spine.
Valerie.
She was still on the call, maybe even worrying by now, thinking that something must have happened to me.
I had to get back—
A faint, wet gurgle drew my gaze to my feet, the yōkai choking on their own blood as they—she—lay there, unmoving, in a pool of crimson. Her clothes were torn, a palm-sized chunk of flesh missing from her left flank, her innards hanging freely and blood oozing out in weak pulses with her heartbeat.
A tense, uneasy feeling twisted in my gut, and I took another glance at my destroyed phone, eyes quickly shifting back to the dying ferret woman.
A muscle jumped in my jaw, nostrils flaring. Oh my god, I didn’t have time for this shit. Valerie was probably worrying about me right this moment, and I couldn’t even call for a portal back anymore—
Taking a deep, centering breath, I knelt next to the yōkai and rolled her over to the other side, pushing her innards back where they belonged. As she stopped choking, I pulled out my magic cup and tipped it over the wound, the white, shimmering liquid pouring down on her insides like a tiny stream.
The seconds blended together as I waited, unsure of what might happen, but, to my surprise, the bleeding eventually stopped, and flesh began to slowly grow anew. A bit too slowly.
I gripped the chalice tighter, knuckles turning white.
Heal faster, you stupid Grail.
I kept pouring the healing juice, and maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed to go a bit faster. Soon enough, the muscles had fully reformed, and then the skin began to grow, and finally the fur, that grisly wound vanishing with nary a trace.
Giving the ferret woman a quick once over, I listened to her breathing for a moment longer, before rising to my feet. As I stashed away the Grail, a sudden thought struck me like a thunderbolt.
Did they have public phones around here—
But that idea quickly died a shameful death.
I’d never memorized her number…
My jaw tightened, an explosive sigh pushing out of my nose. Running it was.
I turned to that huge Torii, legs tensing and one foot sliding back, ready to break into the fastest sprint I could muster, only to abruptly pause.
I looked around at the distant hills, mind awhirl.
Which fucking direction was Kuō at?!
_________________________________________________________________________
Raynare drummed her finger on the armrest, eyes flicking to the old, wooden clock on the wall, frown deepening. How long was he planning to make her wait. He should be—
The sound of footsteps drew her attention to the painted glass, a tall, broad silhouette approaching from the other side.
Finally.
She watched from her seat as he strutted nonchalantly inside like he owned the place, eyes roaming curiously across the room before finally meeting her gaze.
“I heard you wanted to see me.”
She ignored the spark of annoyance in her chest and made a show of slowly crossing her legs, lips curling teasingly. “It’s not nice to keep a lady waiting.” And one like her, even less.
His eyes didn’t stray, didn’t even leave her face, and the subtle warning seemed to fly over his head as he shrugged lazily.
“Something came up. Had to check it out.”
Her smile froze, a flash of heat rising angrily inside her. She quickly smothered it, keeping her face pleasant.
No respect at all, even now. But with that kind of power… of course he wouldn’t.
“I’ve heard from the others. Dohnaseek encountered a problem, and you went to deal with it?”
He leaned against a nearby cabinet, making a so-so gesture with his hand. “Sort of. I thought I’d get a good fight, but that Tengu turned out way too weak. Didn’t even get a warmup.”
Raynare blinked owlishly, brow furrowing slightly while she stared at that impassive, almost disinterested face. Oh god, he was serious.
Only someone with more muscles than common sense could call a Tengu weak.
She held back a sigh. Why couldn’t the Grail go to some weak-willed or perverted fool instead…
“If that yōkai was so weak, then what took you so long?”
“It broke my phone, so I had to run all the way back.” He shrugged, gesturing vaguely with a hand. “It was pretty far.”
He… ran?
Her eyes briefly shifted to the clock, widening a fraction.
It only took him twenty minutes since he’d left…
How fast was this meathead?
Gaze narrowing, she studied him intently while he kept watching her with that dumb, cocky smile on his face. He had no idea why she even called him here, did he?
Lips twitching with a suppressed frown, she tapped a finger on the armrest. “I heard something interesting from Mittelt.”
That brat wouldn’t stop bragging about it.
“Oh,” he blinked, the rusty gears inside his bald head finally beginning to turn. “The stuff about the Grail?”
“You could’ve come to me with that.” He should’ve come to her. She was their leader.
Why would he seek that child instead?
“She was just lazing at the front when I came,” he said nonchalantly, another spark of anger igniting in her chest.
Out of mere convenience?
Raynare clicked her tongue. “Typical.”
Pushing a soft sigh through her nose, she uncrossed her legs, shoving those thoughts aside. There was no point getting angry over this.
“But that’s enough about her.”
Rising to her feet, she walked closer, each step perfectly timed with a sensual sway of her hips. Stopping close enough to catch the faint scent of blood around him, she rested a hand on his broad chest, the flesh like chiseled marble beneath that thin shirt, and flashed him an inviting smile, looking at him through her lashes.
“I was wondering if you could do something for me.”
The only reaction she got out of him was a simple blink of the eyes, that infuriating smile not waning in the slightest.
She ground her teeth, face still outwardly pristine as usual. So self-assured, huh?
“Depends on what,” he said after a while, and she held back a scoff.
Smile turning even sweeter, she leaned closer, hand moving up to his shoulder as her breasts pressed against his chest. “Nothing that shouldn’t be easily within your capabilities, I’m sure.”
His quiet hum distantly registered to her ears as she kept searching for a chink in his armor, but, just as the silence began to stretch a little too far, his rough hands rested on her hips, the warm touch sending a pleasant jolt up her spine. They stroked along her sides, exploring every inch, her skin tingling at the featherlight caresses.
Hiding a victorious smile, she pressed herself a little closer while his hands trailed to the small of her back, inching further down for the briefest moment, before going all the way up to her shoulders, holding them firmly.
She bit her lip seductively, pinning him with a smoldering gaze as she brushed her leg against his thigh. Mmm, perhaps she could have a bit of fun. He looked one push away from giving in and pulling her close—
He gently pushed her away, face betraying no emotion.
Still holding back?
She trailed a finger playfully down his chest, stopping above his waist and letting it linger there for a moment, before pulling back, amusement bubbling in her chest.
Quite the impressive discipline. But for how long?
“Sorry, but I’m in a bit of a hurry.” He slipped his hands in his pockets, smiling thinly. “Can we skip the foreplay?” The warmth pooling in her stomach turned cold at his words.
In a hurry? What could be more important than her?
Biting back the snide remark on the tip of her tongue, she pushed a pleasant smile to her face. “Then, I’ll get to the point. Would you consider giving me a Sacred Gear? I’ll make sure you are properly rewarded.”
“I’ll think about it.”
A sour feeling twisted in her stomach at his words. Just think about it?
“You’ve denied me Asia. Weeks of planning and effort, gone. Wouldn’t you say that I deserve some compensation?” She crossed her arms, a moment of tense silence filling the room.
“You make a good point,” he said, and a pleased smile pulled at her lips. “But I haven’t tried anything like that yet.” Only to wane just as fast. “I’ll keep it in mind for when I do.”
Her mouth twitched with a barely suppressed frown. Empty platitudes…
“That would be wonderful.” She wanted to say more but stayed her tongue. It wasn’t what she’d hoped for, but it might be the best she could get right now.
She just had to bide her time and work on him a little more.
He’d turned out much more stubborn than she expected, but that only meant the reward would be that much sweeter—
“Well, it was fun talking to you, but as I said, I gotta go.”
His nonchalant voice cut through her musings like a knife. He raised a hand in a lazy wave, flashing her a cheeky smile. “See ya—
But before he could turn around and leave, she leaned closer, lips curled teasingly as she whispered seductively in his ear, “You shouldn’t tease a Fallen angel like this. We often take it as a challenge.”
He looked her in the eye as she pulled back, that light smile still plastered on his face. “That’s fine. I’m all about challenges.”
This time, she couldn’t hold back the frown. This man…
She was going to make him eat out of her palm.
_________________________________________________________________________
We crossed a short hallway, the orange hues of sunset trickling through the curtained windows as we stopped in front of a wooden door. I took a brief glance at Valerie, her face impassive as usual, save for the faintest glimmer of anticipation in her eyes.
A tiny smile came to my face as I reached for the handle, the metal slightly cold to the touch. The door opened smoothly, and we walked inside, the scent of old wood and a mildly sweet fragrance filling my nose.
“Welcome to the Occult Research Club.” A familiar-looking, gorgeous redhead spoke politely from across the room, hands folded atop her mahogany desk. “I am Rias Gremory,” her mouth quirked with a smile, gaze briefly going to the other occupants of the room, “and this is my peerage.”
“Himejima Akeno,” the busty—wow, they really looked bigger than her head—dark-haired girl, standing next to the desk, spoke with a slight incline of her head. Five out of ten, the daddy issues ruined it for me.
I nodded back, eyes shifting to the twin, lavish couches in the middle of the room.
“Yo.” The local cat-girl raised a hand lazily in greeting, before grabbing a small cookie from the pile on her plate and popping it in her mouth. She didn’t say anything else, amber eyes watching me intently while she chewed.
My lips twitched in amusement, and I fought back the sudden urge to walk closer and pat her head. I wasn’t a cat person, but I could change my mind.
The blond, handsome guy, seated on the other sofa, gave a polite, if slightly sheepish smile. “I’m Yūto Kiba. Please don’t mind Koneko, she’s always like that.”
“That’s fine,” I said, looking back at Rias. The only one missing from the picture was Issei. “I’m Alexander, and this is my friend.” I gestured with a hand to my left, briefly meeting that enchanting, ruby gaze.
“Valerie Țepeș.” Valerie did a light curtsy, drawing a curious look from Akeno while Rias went oddly still, a flash of surprise crossing her face.
Did she know something?
As I glanced between them, a sudden, sharp inhale drew my attention to Koneko, her nose twitching as she sniffed at the air. Brows furrowing, she shared a look with Rias.
“Baldy smells weird.”
The hell?
“Oh my.” Akeno brought a hand to her mouth, covering her mirth while Kiba looked at the resident cat-girl with a strained smile.
“Koneko, that’s not nice.”
“Not my fault he smells weird.” The sassy midget said, popping another cookie in her mouth and chewing without a care in the world.
Kiba’s gaze flicked in my direction, an apologetic look on his face, but before he could say anything, I shook my head, a smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth.
“I don’t mind a little sass,” I said, pointing a finger cheekily at the brat. “But I’ll have you know I’m well acquainted with showers.” I even took one before coming here.
“But not with soap, apparently.” Koneko shot back, a beat of silence passing as she looked me in the eye, unblinking.
Yo, this midget was savage.
“Koneko.” Rias spoke from her desk, her calm, smooth voice carrying a palpable weight through the room. The sassy midget stared back for all of two seconds, before shrugging and returning to her cookies.
Dude. I was firmly biased towards Kuroka, but I might have a new favorite cat-girl by the end of the day.
“Apologies for that. She’s not this vocal, usually,” Rias spoke, the ghost of a frown on her lips, and I shrugged.
“It’s fine. I like her vibe.”
“But she brought an interesting point.” A beat of silence passed she leaned forward in her seat, the easygoing air around her vanishing. “You wouldn’t happen to be associated with the Church, would you?”
I met her narrowed gaze with a flat look, trying not to roll my eyes.
Just because I took Asia shopping? Come on.
“No,” I shook my head, smiling. “I’m a free spirit.”
My joke fell kinda flat, except for the brief, tiny curl on Valerie’s lips. And it was more than enough for me—
“You smell like crow,” Koneko chimed in with all the subtlety of a hammer, munching quietly on her cookies while the atmosphere in the room abruptly shifted.
Dude…
Kiba’s shoulders subtly tensed, and Akeno’s eyes narrowed, one order or wrong move away from jumping me. I doubted they could do much better than the Tengu, though.
Maybe if daddy issues blasted me with a huge, fuck-off lightning bolt?
“I met a bunch of Fallen yesterday,” I said with a shrug. They were making way too big of a deal out of this, but maybe I should’ve changed my clothes after that talk with Raynare… Bitch rubbed herself on me like a dog in heat.
“Here?” Rias asked, expression unreadable.
“Yeah, they’re at the old church.”
She looked me in the eye for a long, tense moment, before sighing and massaging the bridge of her nose. “And the nun is with them, too?”
I made a so-so gesture with a hand. “She came here on a legit assignment, but they’re probably going to snatch her up.”
“Typical.” Akeno said with a scoff, getting a side-eyed glance from Rias while my lips twitched in amusement. With that deep scowl on her face, daddy issues kinda looked like Raynare.
“You wouldn’t happen to know why they’re here, would you?”
“They’re just a bunch of small fries, so probably some typical cloak and dagger stuff.” I said, but instead of reassuring her, that frown marring Rias’ face only deepened further.
She sat like that for a few moments, the silence in the room teetering on the awkward, before leaning back in her chair with a soft sigh. “I believe you.”
Cool.
“Anything else, Miss Gremory?” I said dryly, letting myself relax a little as the tension bled out of atmosphere.
“Call me Rias,” the redhead said, looking between Valerie and I for a moment. “What brings you two here?”
I gestured with a hand to the side,
“Valerie wanted to meet an old friend, and I wanted to ask you something.”
“Oh?” Rias cupped her hands atop the desk as she leaned forward, face lighting up. “I happen to have a few questions, too.”
I’d bet.
“You can go first.”
“My, what a gentleman.” I ignored Akeno’s comment, not even sparing her a glance as Rias smiled.
“I’ve heard about you from Sona. A charming vampire lady and a brave young man eloping in the middle of the night to live life as their hearts desire,” Rias said, a quiet, almost forlorn sigh escaping her. “Such a sweet and romantic story.”
I blinked, lips thinning. The hell was Sona smoking? And was it really that romantic? I only beat the shit outta some vampires, rescued a cute girl, and made away like a bandit.
“So, if that’s alright with you, I’d like to hear more. Perhaps about how the two of you have met?”
Well, sure, I didn’t mind. Whatever floated her boat—
I found myself smiling at a sudden thought. Holding back a chuckle, I shared a look with Valerie, her lips quirking the tiniest bit as she nodded. For a completely different reason, but I appreciated the sentiment.
“Very well.” I took a step forward, looking Rias in the eye, arm outstretched. Then, with a flash of golden light, the Grail appeared in my awaiting hand, and I raised it in a toasting motion. “Rejoice, young lady. Your wish shall become true.”
Deafening silence filled the room, the smile freezing on my face as I fought back that instinctual wave of cringe. The flat, almost judgmental stare from Koneko only made it worse, but one look at Rias’ wide-eyed expression more than made up for it.
“Is that…” Kiba finally broke the silence, voice nearly a whisper. “The Holy Grail?”
“It is.” My smile grew a little wider. “I am the current wielder of the Sephiroth Graal.”
Another beat of silence—
“Cool.” Koneko said, with all the enthusiasm of watching paint dry.
—and she ruined it.
The brat took a bit out of her a cookie, chewing mechanically while looking me in the eye, as if daring me to complain. Part of me kinda wanted to, but the rest just enjoyed it, because holy shit this girl was an experience.
Rias cleared her throat, standing a little straighter in her chair, hands steepled on the desk as she stared at me with odd intensity. “Would you like to join my Peerage?”
I blinked slowly. Rias weeb confirmed?
“Oh my, how bold of you, Rias.” Akeno glanced at her King, a teasing curl to her lips.
“Akeno,” Rias spoke, voice measured. “I couldn’t call myself a Devil if I didn’t at least make the offer.” She looked the perfect picture of aristocratic poise, but I’d pay good money to hear what was going through her pretty little head right now.
The corner of my lips quirked ever so slightly. “You could try.”
That pulled the two girls out of their silent stare-off, Rias leaning forward in her seat, eyes narrowing slightly while Akeno covered a giggle with her hand.
“Think you’re too strong for me to reincarnate?”
My smile turned cheeky. “Maybe.”
“Why don’t we see how it is then?”
Putting away the magic cup, I gestured a hand casually at Rias. “Sure, go on.”
This was going to be fun.
Rias stood up from her desk, slowly making her way across the room. Valerie caught my attention as she shifted her weight from one foot to another, a frown marring her face, and I flashed her a reassuring smile.
“Trust me.”
She nodded, the worry bleeding out of her features—
“Confident, are you?”
I ignored Akeno, cocking an eyebrow at Rias, the redhead stopping an arm’s length in front of me. “So?”
“Just stay still.” Rias fished out a white chess piece from her pocket, holding it up for me to see. “Last chance to change your mind.”
An amused huff escaped me. Did she think we were playing chicken?
“I’m good. Do your thing.”
Her gaze flicked back to the Knight, a frown briefly crossing her lips. Taking a step closer, she pressed the evil piece against my chest, a red, intricate sigil lighting up on the floor around us.
“In the name of Rias Gremory, I command thee, Alexander, that thou become my servant devil. Rejoice thou in thy new life as my Knight!”
The magic circle flashed red, light briefly filling the room before fading. Rias watched expectantly, silence stretching between us as she waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited some more.
“Was something supposed to happen?”
“Yes.” Her voice came out clipped, a deep frown lining her face as she put the Knight back in her pocket, pulling out two other pieces. A Bishop and a Rook.
Oh boy.
She pressed the Bishop against me, saying her chūni line again. The floor flashed red, and she waited just like the first time, and then… nothing happened.
I bit my lip, trying not to laugh.
“You’re losing your touch, prez.”
I bit my lip harder, barely keeping a straight face. Koneko, please.
Rias threw the snarky midget a brief, narrow-eyed glare, mouth pressed tightly as she grabbed the Rook and pushed it against my chest. Then, we went through the same song and dance, but this time I couldn’t help a pang of pity as she stared dumbfounded at the chess piece.
“What the hell…” Rias said under her breath, and I cracked a smirk.
“Performance issues? It can happen to any Devil, there’s nothing to be ashamed of—
“Don’t joke about it, this is serious! There’s no reaction at all. Not even a flicker from the pieces.”
Sad.
Rias took another glance at her evil piece, before stashing it away as she met my gaze with a frown. “Did you do something to yourself with the Grail just to prank me, because that not funny at all—
Her eyes flew wide. “Are you…” she hesitated for a moment, voice turning quiet. “Are you perhaps a god masquerading as a mortal?”
I opened my mouth to answer, only to pause as a thought struck me like lightning.
“No, it’s even better.” I looked her in the eye, dead serious. “I’m an isekai protagonist.”
You could hear a pin-drop in the silence that followed. Rias went still, a faraway look in her eyes.
“No way…” she said, shaking her head, an uncertain smile blooming on her face.
I smiled back.
“You’re joking, right?”
I shook my head.
“Why now?” she spoke again, voice oddly small and carrying a frustrated note.
I shrugged. “Just finished my training arc.”
Rias blinked, mouth falling slightly agape. “We’re getting the tournament arc?” Her sea-foam green eyes sparkled in excitement, and I could only sigh quietly as I pinned her with a flat look.
“Rias, not every isekai story has a tournament arc.”
“Of course they do—wait.” She paused, looking me up and down, brows slightly furrowed. “What’s your cheat power? You have one, right? I mean, the Grail probably counts as one, but that’s from our world, and you need to have something else.”
“Not really.” I held up a hand, clenching it with the sound of atoms divorcing the laws of physics. “All I got is these hands.”
Rias stared at my fist, a beat of silence stretching between us.
“That sounded so cool.” she whispered under her breath, eyes veering up to meet mine, a smile pulling at her cheeks. “So… super strength?”
I grinned. “I get exponentially stronger from pushing myself beyond my limits. No hard cap.”
“Holy shit…”
“Completely busted, right?”
“And the Grail on top of that.” Rias shook her head in disbelief.
“Yep.” Well, the Grail was mostly for show, but still.
“No wonder the pieces didn’t work…”
“They work based off potential, and I’m basically Potential Man.”
Rias eyed me intently for a moment, brows slightly furrowed. “Why does it sound like you’re quoting something?”
“Because I am. Best manga of the decade, by the way.”
“Really?” She blinked, a thoughtful look briefly crossing her face. “I don’t remembe—
Her eyes widened, and she stared at me for a long, quiet moment. Then, she breathed in deeply, her ample chest straining against the tight fabric of her uniform as she schooled her features in the perfect image of a proper Devil princess.
“Are you busy tomorrow?”
“Oh my.”
I gave Rias a dry look, both of us ignoring Akeno. “You just wanna hear about manga from another world, don’t you?”
“Is that a no?” she said, the ghost of a frown touching her face.
I considered it, lips pursing. Well, it should be fun, but not tomorrow. Too busy, and I had no idea how long that thing would even take.
“I have something to do tomorrow, but I can drop by in two days.”
A flash of disappointment crossed her face, though it was quickly replaced by a smile. “In two days, at five pm?”
I shared a brief look with Valerie, my cute vampire princess merely smiling that tiny, amused smile of hers. Truly best girl.
I looked back at Rias, a smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth. “Yeah, that’s good.”
She’d better bring some soda and snacks.
Her smile widened. “Great.”
“By the way,” I gestured a hand at my cute vampire princess. “Valerie came here to visit her childhood friend, Gasper Vladi. I heard he’s part of your household, so… can we meet him now?”
We’d spent enough time getting sidetracked. Valerie needed to have her long-awaited reunion.
Rias blinked in surprise, eyes widening slightly. “Well, that’s, ” she paused, searching for the right words. “It might not be wise. Gasper has a Sacred Gear that he cannot control properly, and he doesn’t exactly do well with people either.”
Valerie didn’t react to that, aside from a faint downturn of her lips, but it was enough to make me frown, too.
“Valerie came here all the way from Romania to see her friend again. If she can’t see him, then who can?”
I looked Rias in the eye, daring her to deny us again. A brief staring contest followed, before she folded, shoulders drooping with a sigh.
“He’s downstairs, but I need a few minutes to get ready. Can you wait outside if you don’t mind?”
I shared a look with Valerie, who nodded with a tiny smile.
“Sure, no problem.”
I was pretty good at negotiation, wasn’t I?
_________________________________________________________________________
The others watched curiously as Baldy walked up to the nearest window and pushed it open. Then, with a grin on his face and without a single care in the world, he picked the vampire chick up in a princess carry and jumped outside.
Meh. Show-off.
Nobody said a word for a while, the silence turning kinda awkward.
“President, what just happened?” Thankfully, Kiba came in clutch as he often did, his soft, uncertain voice the same as ringing a gong inside the quiet clubroom.
Akeno brought a hand to her cheek, giggling in that creepy way of hers. “It seems that Rias got herself a date.”
“It’s not a date, Akeno. I’m simply acquiring knowledge that nobody else possesses.”
Koneko nodded sagely. Denial was a pretty serious condition, yeah.
Akeno didn’t believe a single word, the glint in her eyes making it obvious. “Sure, it isn’t.” Weird. She could’ve sworn that all her food went to those fat, giant tits, leaving her poor brain to starve.
Maybe the gossip didn’t use that much brainpower in her case?
The weirder thing, though, was how nobody brought up the dead, pink elephant lying smack dab in the middle of the room yet.
“I still don’t buy any of that. Isekai?” Koneko scoffed. “Baldy’s just delusional.”
Middle schooler syndrome at that age? Must be tough. Tragic, really.
“The whole thing was too weird not to be real.”
Koneko looked at her King with pity. Poor Rias. She was eating up that silly story like a starving African child.
Isekai? Get real. Baldy probably did something weird to himself with that magic cup.
“And he smells weird,” Koneko spoke, reminding everyone, because it had to be said thrice. There was something weird about this Baldy, and it wasn’t just his scent…
“And you could’ve been less rude about it.” Rias pinned her with a frowny glare, but she easily countered it with her secret technique. Deadpan plus shrug. Worked every time.
“He didn’t mind it.”
Seriously, why was she making such a big deal out of it? Baldy was chill. He had that zero-fucks-given vibe that made him look zen. She wouldn’t be surprised if he turned out to be some sort of Buddha.
A quiet sigh escaped Rias. “That’s not the point, Koneko.”
Koneko fought back a sigh herself. She pitied whoever married this girl. They’d never escape the nagging hell—
“Hey, guys, sorry I’m late…”
A familiar voice drew everyone’s attention to the door as the Perv finally graced them with his presence. At least he’d been busy with work and not rubbing his limp noodle this time…
“Uhh, what’s with those looks? What did I miss?”
Koneko sighed quietly to herself. This guy was hopeless.
_________________________________________________________________________
Author’s Note: I guess we can cross two entries off the bucket list.
Oh, and “Dub Koneko” is best Koneko. I hope you’re ready for her, because this is not even her final form :V
Comments
AlexanderBishop
Kuroka may be hot, but Koneko is spittin' fire :D
Bishop7053
Dub koneko is best koneko. Might be biases towards aurora, but that's what threesomes are for
