Luke Everhart
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Chapter 95 - It Helps
🕑 Added 2024-11-28 19:33:43 +0000 UTCNar whipped his head around, and found Kur staring down at them both.
“Kur! I… This…”
Kur gave him a half smile and patted his shoulder. “Relax. It’s fine. You’re doing something good.”
Nar nodded, his heart still beating furiously.
“I saw her getting up and lay down next to you. But it looks like that wasn’t enough. It seems she needs contact.”
Nar looked down at her arm over his leg.
“It looks like it.”
Kur nodded slowly. Then he gave Nar a look.
“What?”
“It’s just, as the party leader, I need to ask. Is there something going on between the two of you?”
“What?” Nar asked, his voice raising an octave above normal. “No! Of course not!”
Kur nodded again, visibly relieved. “Good. That’s good. Not that I have anything against it, but, it’s not the right time or place for it, you know.”
“I know. And Kur, there is nothing. It just looks like it helps her sleep,” Nar said, sighing.
“And she desperately needs it,” Kur said, staring at Rel. “She’s getting worse and worse.”
“Is that why we’re going so fast?” Nar asked him.
Kur sighed. He looked behind him and waved at Gad, gesturing for her to go to sleep. Gad nodded, and gave Nar a brief smile before she lay down next to Viy.
Kur dropped heavily besides him.
“Yes and no, I guess,” he answered. “It’s on my mind, I won’t lie. I think it’s on everyone's mind. And it does give me some… Relief, I suppose, that we’re going faster. But no, that’s not the real reason. I can’t explain it, but I just feel like we need to hurry. Like we’re late for something. It doesn’t make any sense to me though.”
Kur groaned and rubbed angrily at his eyes.
“Leader’s instinct maybe?” Nar asked, smiling at him.
Kur snorted. “Crystal knows… Maybe I’m just losing my mind.”
Nar shook his head.
“Could be a new attribute,” Nar said.
“Your words to the Crystal and the System. I would love to have whatever goes for a party leader’s instinct,” Kur said, shaking his head.
“Maybe it’s got something to do with the class change?” Nar asked.
“Again, Crystal knows,” Kur said with a shrug. “With all that’s been happening, I wouldn’t be surprised I was starting to lose my mind…”
They sat in silence together for a moment, each lost to their own thoughts, and one of them trying hard not to move too much and wake up a certain Climber curled around his leg.
“Auramancer Boon Leader level 1,” Kur said suddenly.
Nar chuckled. “That’s a mouthful.”
“Yeah. Got a new boon, too, you know?”
“Oh, nice!” Nar said, looking up from Rel to him.
“Yeah. [Aura Boon]. It enhances the effects and damage of aura skills by 10%,” Kur said. “And for a full 5 seconds too.”
“Damn…”
“Yeah. It’s got a 10 min cooldown though…”
“Still…”
Nar did a low whistle, then grimaced, regretting it. Kur grimaced as well, and they both stared at Rel, but she was still fast asleep.
“Do you think she is angry at me?” Kur suddenly asked.
“For yesterday?”
“Yeah…”
Nar offered him a tired smile. “It’s funny. She asked me the same thing about you, and the others. But mostly you.”
Kur tutted to himself.
“Don’t worry about it,” Nar said. “I doubt she’d be angry about something like that. She has worse things to worry about.”
“That she does,” Kur said, making a face.
Another long pause went by them. It was tense though, and Nar could tell something was bothering Kur. He didn’t ask it out of him, however. He felt like Kur would prefer to say it himself.
“Nar?”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know if I want magic anymore.”
Nar didn’t say anything.
“I… I left for a reason. Maybe a bad reason. Maybe even a stupid reason. There was nothing bad, bad, pushing me out, you know? Not like you. Or-or Jul, or Mul, you know? I… I’ve been wondering if maybe I was selfish. And naive,” Kur said.
His grew distant, looking into that far away orange blur in between twin lines of columns.
“I wanted… No. I thought I needed magic to prove to everyone that I was right. To myself. That leaving was the answer. But now? Now I don’t know anymore…,” he said, his voice a hush. “I feel like I know less now than when we left. And that’s funny, because I knew close to nothing when I first stepped into that dammed corridor.”
Kur looked down at his hand, eyeing the swirling aura.
“It feels right. It feels… Mine. Like its meant to be. And it feels strong too. Really strong and full of possibilities, like Cen always said it was. But…”
“But we don’t know if magic is better?” Nar asked.
“Yes. That’s it, isn’t it? The one thing we need to know the most and that could change everything… And it’s the one thing that its being kept from us,” he said. He sighed and leaned back on his hands. “Maybe that’s why I spoke like I did. Rel was… She was just questioning everything. Everything I hoped for when I left. Every reason why I left… It felt like she was even going to question aether itself. Our forgiveness… And I… I didn’t want to hear that. Because I too have been questioning it. I have been questioning it all for a good while now… And frankly, it scares me.”
He heaved an exasperated sigh and laid down, with his hands behind his head. “And more and more, I question the reason why I left. And the reason why I keep going. I can’t help but think that maybe I was just an idiot. That maybe I still am…”
“Do you regret leaving?” Nar asked him.
Kur shook his head slowly. “No. That’s the thing. Despite everything we’ve been through… I don’t think I do. I just think that it was not for the right reason. And not in the right way. But if I had to make the choice again, while knowing everything I do know, I would still choose to Climb. I have no doubts about that.”
The party leader sat back up.
“Sorry about that. It probably didn’t even make any sense,” he said, sighing. “Anyways, it’s your turn and Mul’s. I’ll wake him up. And I’ll tell him not to make any comments about… This, either.”
He waved at Rel, and Nar nodded gratefully.
“Kur?” he called, when the altei made to leave.
“Yeah?”
“You’re our party leader, and you’ve been holding on for us all this time. But you’re also one of us, a Climber with the same hopes, doubts and everything else. So don’t be too hard on yourself,” Nar said. “This Climb has been so much more than we thought it was going to be. And in many different ways, too. It’s… Well, it’s been a mess from day one. It was so much worse than we had thought and things have only gotten more and more complicated and messier. But, we’re almost out, so, just hang in there, yeah?”
Kur stared at him and Nar grimaced.
“That didn’t make any sense, did it? What I meant to say with all that was that I’m here for you, if you need me.”
The altei considered him for a few moments, then he nodded. “I probably will, Nar. I… I probably will. And all things considered, that means a lot more to me than you think. Alright, I’ll go wake up Mul.”
With that, he left him alone with Rel, and a head spinning full of questions.
Everything had seemed so straightforward when they had left.
Climb. Fight. Prove yourself. Get your magic. Atone. Get out. And hopefully, in that exact order too.
They had been warned about the Pressure, and what they had encountered during the tutorial had matched those warnings. But walls of pressure? Barriers? Giant columns and whatever that massive orange, lightning strewn mass above their heads was? That was so much more beyond it.
And bridges, and insanely strong guardians? And cannibals? And cannibals organized and with homes and bases and plans for their own future in the B-Nex? And things like the Sentry? And fights between Climbers?
And now, auramancers, all of them, and all of them having lost their first modifier to aura too? And in Nar’s case, even the second one as well…
No.
The path to the surface had been anything but straightforward. He felt like he had lived more in the last five months, than in all of his life in the cubeplant.
And it was all just the beginning. The exit into the wider Nexus.
What would be there, waiting for him at the exit? And beyond that?
He had only ever wanted to save his dad and find the color and light of the outside, as vague and bland as that might sound to some. And, perhaps, yes, escape the pain of his life as an Unclean as well…
Now? Everything felt so much more complicated than that. His emotions had changed. His goals had changed. Even himself… Was he still the same person that had left the cubeplant, nearly six months prior?
Sitting there, with the enormous column towering behind him, he felt tiny. An infinitesimal dot in an infinite existence… The Nexus was a much bigger place than he had ever imagined it to be, and he was still stuck in the B-Nex, merely making his way straight up to the exit. Who knew how deep the B-Nex went under him? Or how far it reached and extended? Who knew what else could be found down there, in the absolute dark where not even the yellow arrows of the Climbers shone?
He felt almost, almost, homesick then. Lost. Away from all that he had ever known.
And he knew at that moment that as much as he had seen thus far, he hadn’t seen anything yet. And there was no way of knowing what was coming next, or what he would do when it came. Or how it would change him…
It was terrifying.
But… It was also, perhaps, a little bit exciting.
*********
On the third day, barely an hour into their Climb, Nar looked behind him. Now, he could no longer see the gigantic wall from the side they had come from either.
On all sides, in the space between giants, all he could see with his [Sight] was more and more columns, disappearing into the flat distance.
I wish I knew a way to measure these distances. There has to be one.
There was only so much one could do with inches and feet, and he had no doubt that there had to be other units of measurement in the massive, infinite Nexus. Unfortunately, that information had not been deemed relevant to their Climb.
Looking back again, to the massive wall he could no longer see, Nar felt a pang in his heart.
I wonder how far we’ve walked since we’ve left home. It’s been months…
A lump formed in his throat.
I hope you’re still okay, dad.
At his side, Rel noticed him staring backwards.
“It feels like the tutorial,” she said. “Except it's all opened up, instead.”
Nar nodded, and pushed aside thoughts of his dad.
Still straining his [Sight] to see if he could catch anything different in the long radius around him, he was forced to give up after another cursory glance yielded no results either. If Jul hadn’t found anything, he knew it was unlikely for him to do so. And he didn't doubt her thoroughness either. It had been concern that had led him to canvas the area around them, and he had just been hoping to stumble upon something. Anything that indicated any signs of an exit.
“I’m starting to wish we were back there,” Tuk said, looking around as well.
“Really?” Rel asked.
Tuk grimaced. “No. Not really.”
Nar didn’t reply and allowed his [Sight] to return to normal.
Nearby, from atop Kur’s shoulders, Jul cast a much more powerful [Sight] into the endless, identical columns that surrounded them.
Nar had a tremendous amount of aura. Others didn’t, especially Gad, Kur and Viy. At 40 points of [Aura], they were the ones with the least aura in the party.
Their class change into their auramancer variants had bumped them to the exact requirement for earning, or losing, their first modifier. And with about 40 points of aura already down, that left only 360 in their bars before the three of them ran out.
Having confirmed the rate of aura expenditure to be about 0.7 points per hour, that meant that they had just a little over 21 days left to get out. Technically, that seemed like a lot. However, considering how things were never straightforward in their Climb, and how there was a very real, and very possible, risk of them getting lost in that endless place without their path, and all that translate into nobody feeling like they had a comfortable margin anymore.
If anything, the pressure to locate the exit, or an exit, was already mounting.
So far, however, there had been nothing out of the ordinary in sight, except for more and more columns, and an endless stretch of floor, and an equally endless stretch of orange ceiling.
“I’m sorry,” Jul said, tapping Kur’s head. “There’s nothing.”
“That’s alright,” Kur said. “We’ll try again later.”
He lowered her to the floor and allowed her to climb down his shoulders.
“We just have to keep going,” Gad said, her tone as relaxed as ever.
“But where, though?” Mul said. “Which way?”
“I don’t think it matters. If it did, we would have our path,” Gad said. “I think we just need to keep going, and the exit will show up eventually.”
“Or after we met the requirements,” Tuk said, still squinting at his surroundings. “Whatever they are.”
“Anything on any other senses?” Kur asked Jul.
“Nothing. Other than a very, very low hum, there is nothing at all,” she said. “No danger. No smell. Nothing different at all, not for at least… I don’t know, thousands and thousands of feet.”
Kur looked at Nar, hoping for a different answer. Unfortunately, Nar could only shake his head.
“We should just keep walking. Straight, like we have so far,” Gad said, staring off into the distance. “No need to think too much. Besides, you still feel like we are behind, aren’t you?”
“We can’t risk our lives on something like that. I’m regretting that we ever did, to be honest,” Kur muttered. “But there’s nothing to it now. Let’s just keep going for another while.”
Gad started walking forward again, with Viy snapping out of her silent reverie and quickly chasing after her. The rest of the party followed in a tight group.
While Kur had stopped asking them to walk in formation, the habit had already been ingrained in them, and soon enough, Nar found himself walking side by side with Rel, at the rear of the party, as they usually did.
“I’m sorry,” Rel said.
“What for?” Nar asked, looking at her.
“For last night. I didn’t ask you. I just… Did it.”
“Eh, no harm done,” Nar said, shrugging. “But, will you… Do it again?”
She hesitated for a moment. “Yes. But only if I really can’t help it.”
“That’s fine. Just do it,” Nar said. “If it helps, it helps.”
They walked another few steps, and then Nar turned to her again.
“Can I ask you something, though?”
Rel made a face. “Why you?”
“Yes. Why me?”
Rel bit her lip, then passed a hand over her sparse, coarse hair. Then, she sighed.
“The Yearning likes you,” she whispered.
Nar nearly tripped on his own feet.
“Yeah. I know what that sounds like,” Rel said, miserably.
“The Yearning likes me?” Nar repeated.
She nodded, avoiding looking at him. “It does. And it has from the very moment I saw you, when you came to rescue us from the cannibals.”
“Hmmm,” he made, for lack of a better reply to that revelation.
“I just… I just feel like if I stick to you, I’ll make it outside,” Rel said. “I’ll find whatever it is that I yearn for.”
“I… See,” Nar said, feeling tremendously awkward.
Then, a rogue thought insinuated itself onto his mind, and considering how brutally honest he had been with her so far, he sort of just blurted it out without much thought.
“Is that why you helped us escape?”
At least he still tried to deliver the line without any hints of judgment, or grief, or bitterness or anything at all. Just a nonchalant, inconsequential question. He wasn’t sure he managed it.
“I… It was a big reason,” she said, barely giving voice to the words. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. You couldn’t help it.”
“But…”
She didn’t finish the sentence, and for a moment, Nar wondered if he had said something he shouldn’t have.
Maybe I should apologize, he thought. Maybe I went too far with that one.
But then again, maybe he shouldn’t. He didn’t know.
Seconds turned to minutes, and minutes into a full hour. They walked, side by side, their breathing slowly increasing under Kur’s urging, and the awkwardness lay heavy over them, even heavier and more stifling than the Pressure that bore down upon them.
Two hours later, Nar was relieved out of his mind when Jul suddenly shouted.
“Stop!” she said. “Stop!”
Nar’s relief turned to apprehension as he felt the sudden spike of [Instinct].
“[Instinct]!” he shouted.
