AuthorSME
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B2 — 23. Forging Bonds
🕑 Added 2019-11-21 01:57:20 +0000 UTCWell, I ended up trying to condense the story a bit to pick up the plot. How do you feel about me sliding past scenes like that? To me, it feels like I'm missing a lot of character development and interactions that bring a story to life, but this did skip at least two more chapters, maybe three. What do you think about the condensed experiment? To me ... it's almost like an abridged version, giving it less depth, but I suppose that's what people have been asking me for.
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Rachel followed Anthony up the stairs to the third level of the parking lot; there were only four cars in the entire area, and they were close to the entrance. She could smell Duncan’s discomfort and hear it in the sounds his muscles made, but she’d expected as much.
Walking to the center of the space ], she turned to stare at the two men with a bright smile. “Alright, Duncan, you might want to stand back.”
“You two really want to go through with this?” Duncan asked, glancing at Anthony.
“We’ve already made the bet,” Anthony shrugged before removing his spear to set it on the ground. “I’m a man of my word.” Taking off his lab coat to reveal his long sleeve shirt, he stretched real fast; he was fairly flexible. “Your only weapon is your fists?”
“I’ve never trained with anything else,” Rachel replied, mirroring his movements.
Anthony hummed thoughtfully. “You’re fine with me using weapons, then?”
“Of course,” Rachel grinned. “It wouldn’t be practice otherwise, and that’s plural. You have multiple weapons?”
He picked up his yellow-tipped spear, effortlessly twirling it around his body. “Perhaps,” he said, pointing it at her as it stopped in his hands. “I’m ready when you are.”
She finished stretching out her calves as Duncan leaned against one of the concrete pillars. Anthony’s legs were spread, giving him a solid base. Rachel took a deep breath to calm the tingles shooting down her spine to her tail while studying him.
Alright, how to get around the spear? This is as much training as anything; I don’t know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that crystal, and I need to be prepared for anything. Maybe taking some kind of weapons training when I get back would be good … if I get back.
He’s perfectly balanced, and he can move the tip in just about any direction I move. The question shifts to my balance; if I can move fast enough and nimble enough to grab the spear, then I can pull it out of his hands, but if he can resummon it back, then that would be almost pointless. Scarlet can summon her weapon, so there’s a possibility he can.
There’s also the issue about multiple weapons; it would only be small weapons if they’re on him. He might make something appear; it’s more probable with Scarlet’s explanation about her fight with Relica. Relica could summon a dagger, and she could summon a scythe. Maybe having his weapon out more increases his proficiency?
In any case, I need to be careful when first approaching him. He’s not aiming to kill, but I should take this as a real battle. First, I need to test his reaction time and speed; these shoes are not reliable either … I hope my clothes hold up, but I’m not in moonlight, so I’m nowhere near my max output, and that’s a part of this training.
She sighed while straightening, balancing on one foot to remove each shoe before moving to her socks; she stuffed the socks into a shoe before tossing them by Duncan.
Anthony lifted an eyebrow. “What’s that about?”
“They’re unreliable,” Rachel shrugged. “I really need to find some decent shoes.”
“Interesting,” he chuckled. “A bad past experience?”
“You could say that.”
Rachel darted forward, watching Duncan’s slight shifts slow as she raced toward the spear; Anthony held perfectly still as she neared, but easily followed her movements as she pivoted left, running in a circle around him.
Her ears were lying flat against her hair as it whipped behind her. She watched him near the corner of her vision; he was keeping up with her position. She stopped after doing a half-circle around him, quickly finding purchase against the concrete.
“Testing the waters?” Anthony asked, spear still pointed at her chest. “Checking your foundation would be important, and seeing if I can keep up, you’re pretty fast.”
Rachel didn’t respond, ears rising again; they twitched as Duncan whispered, “Damn, they’re fast … what is she, a cheetah-rabbit?”
Anthony hummed. “I’d say that was zero to sixty in less than two seconds; fast, indeed.”
“Not fast enough,” Rachel mumbled, dashing into a sprint.
She came into striking distance of the spear and ducked under it, trying to force it to slide across her shoulder blades to keep him from recovering; the spear retreated faster than she anticipated, and somehow snaked around to catch her chest.
Her eyes widened as she launched herself into the air before he could lift her off the ground, spinning to land several feet away; she slid a few feet before finding enough purchase to stop, hair flinging behind her.
Anthony was casually flipping the spear around in his hands, moving the head back to the butt. “Nimble,” he praised. “I wasn’t sure you’d be able to make it out of that one.”
Rachel swallowed, glaring at the spear. “So, that was a faint to get me close enough to toss me into the air.”
He responded by launching forward; the spear shot for her head; she reacted instantly, bringing her hair around before rushed to meet him. She thrust her thick hair between the point to tangle it before using her body to latch onto the shaft. Using leverage, she tugged at the spear to jerk it from his hands, but he’d already released his grip.
He dropped his spear? He’s moving to my side … my momentum is going the opposite way!
Still carried by her momentum, he grabbed her around the waist and lifted her up. Her jaw locked as her feet left the ground; she was falling back first toward the ground.
Was it another faint, or is he improvising?
Spreading her legs and free arm out, she caught herself before her back touched the hard ground; Anthony’s weight was pressing her down, but she countered it with a bit of force.
Sliding her free arm slide between their chests, she pried him off; he grunted as she tossed him off, sending him flying several feet to her right before kicking into a backbend to right herself.
She watched him twist in the air before landing on his feet, skipping back two paces with a grin on his lips. “That’s some power!” He chuckled. His spear appeared out of radiant light as he closed his left hand into a fist, and Rachel felt the object tangled in her hair vanish.
Rachel’s grin was a little forced as she shifted to get up, flipping her hair back. “I didn’t expect you to abandon your weapon. I did suspect you could recall…” Her words died as her wide field of vision caught several glints on the ground.
“Your spear—it cut my hair?” She whispered; there were several strands of her long glowing hair on the ground.
“Is that so shocking?” Anthony asked, taking up another stance. “Although I have to admit, it is a tragedy; you have charming hair.”
Medical scissors using my own strength couldn't cut it … something’s up with that spear. If even my hair isn’t a solid defense against it … and it’s a piercing weapon that can slide through the strands. That’s a really dangerous weapon.
“What kind of attribute does that spear have?” Rachel cautiously asked, circling Anthony.
The spear’s point followed her. “Mysteries keep fights interesting.”
She launched into a sprint, but had to slow herself and duck as he threw his weapon; it soared past her ears as he ran to meet her.
He’s going to fight me head-on?
His hands rose with open palms as he neared, and she launched a fist toward his head. He deflected it before striking out at her feet. Setting a solid foundation with her left foot, she met his leg with hers, blocking the kick, but he had a better position; she didn’t have enough force to push him back.
His open palm shot for her chest, but before it struck, she launched skyward; it was clumsily executed and didn’t have the strength she wished, but was enough to barely reach the ceiling. Twisting to land against the roof, she shot back at him.
He dodged left, rolling to his side as his spear appearing in his left hand. He threw it as he righted himself before jumping back. It was fast, but not fast enough with his unbalanced recovery.
Snatching it out of the air an inch before it struck her shoulder, she twisted before launching it back; however, before it even left her fingers, it had vanished, returned to Anthony’s left hand.
He ran to meet her without hesitation, spear butt striking out, but she sidestepped it, trying to close the distance to strike; just before her foot hit his spear, he dropped and lifted it, pushing her leg up. Pushing in, while twisting, he bent down before striking her stomach with the shaft, throwing her up with a grunt.
Rachel’s eyes were wide, watching in slow motion as she was carried halfway to the ceiling, trapped in midair. Her mind went wild, searching for solutions, but nothing stuck; without moonlight, she couldn’t use Lunar Step. He’d curved the trajectory to keep her from flying back and instead threw her into the air.
Leaning back, she tried catching herself as she dropped, but could already hear Anthony’s fluid muscle movements as he recovered. He’d be ready to strike before she could land, but he paused.
Confused, she landed in a handstand, hair obscuring her vision, but she could still hear every muscle spasm; the problem was connecting the twitches with his weapon. Somehow he manipulated the spear’s movements in strange patterns that didn’t fully match up with the sounds his body made, making it difficult to predict.
The side of the spearhead struck her thighs, forcing her to fall toward her back; she bent her knees, trying to catch herself, but Anthony simply waited. He could have attacked her neck or any other exposed part of her body with the sharp butt of the spear, but didn’t.
He moved like a snake a foot before her feet hit the ground, barbed point of the butt centimeters from touching her jugular notch. She tried lowering her center of gravity, back inches from the ground, but the spear moved with her, and worse, he was standing above her head, just out of reach to grab his legs with her free hand. She could try to catch the spear, but with his speed, she doubted she could reach it in time.
“You’re hand’s fast, but I don’t think they’re fast enough to stop my point before digging into your neck.” He said with an amused grin. “Do you have any other abilities that you can use? I’ve exposed myself to get this chance.”
Rachel tried to think of a way out, but couldn’t think of anything. She expected Lunar pride to start burning her chest, but as she waited, a peace fell over her … acceptance.
How is this different? Is this the difference between armed combat and non-armed combat? He’s obviously proficient in some form of martial arts himself, added with the weapon … without moonlight, he might even be faster than me. I suppose this is the difference when fighting a Legendkin outside my element and with little knowledge about his skillset. I doubt he even used half of his skills.
Sighing, she dropped to her back, staring up at him; she felt respect as she smiled up at his amused lips. “Not without moonlight; you’re a lot faster than I expected.”
“Moonlight, eh?” Anthony commented, moving his spear to his back before shifting to offer her a hand.
She took it with another disappointed sigh. “I wanted to test out how well I could fight outside of moonlight. I guess fighting a Legend and master at their weapon while handicapped isn’t the smartest strategy.”
“Honestly, I’m shocked,” Anthony chuckled as Duncan joined them. “Trying to fight a spear while barehanded is suicide. I can dictate which direction you’ll be forced to dodge with its reach, and even if you do disarm me, I can recall the spear. I may not be quite as fast as you, but I can predict where you might run based on your balance and how your body shifts.”
Rachel scratched her left ear with a grimace. “It’s strange … I don’t feel that bad about losing; I learned a lot from that short match. I know you were holding back,” Rachel muttered, “but … by how much?”
Anthony hummed darkly as he moved to pick up his lab coat; setting his spear down to put it on, he glanced back at her. “As you already commented, I have other weapons, but my spear is my best tool. Considering your speed, it was the only real option. I wasn’t playing around with my movements; you’re fast, and I needed to match that.
“Could I have been more proficient? Yes, I could have been more focused on fatal spots and manipulated your position to better land a killing blow. However, if you can speed up further, and had some other abilities to help you not flounder around in the air, then it would be difficult. As it stands, you’re well trained for only studying what … eighth grade … so, five to six years of Muay Thai.”
“Right,” Rachel whispered. “You’ve been studying pole-based combat from the age of six. Was that from a professional or just swinging a stick in the backyard?” She asked with a light chuckle.
Anthony licked his lips with a silent laugh. “My parents had me professionally trained,” Anthony replied, returning his spear to the back of his lab coat.
“It wasn’t just weapons combat training, too. You have some kind of martial arts training, right?”
Anthony nodded. “Some MMA; being trained in both weapons and unarmed combat is essential to any weapon master. A pole can break … of course, then you could use them as Kali sticks. The point being, you should be prepared for everything.” He said with a smile.
Rachel looked down at the floor.
He’s right; I need to have some kind of weapons training to handle myself better. Just some sort of armored glove could help me deflect weapons. Yet, even that isn’t the best option since he could cut my hair. If I come up against someone that’s as fast as me and even better trained, then I’m dead.
Clearing her throat, she looked up at him. “If—you’re still here when I get back … would you mind sparring with me again?”
“Sure,” Anthony said, looking back at the sky, poking through the openings of the concrete and steel barriers. “I kind of like the weather here. When I left Tennessee, there was a little snow coming down.” He chuckled. “Not the biggest fan of snow, and well—I’m currently jobless and homeless. I could find something here in Miami. By the way, sorry about your hair; that was a pretty impressive move, though. I’m shocked it only cut off a few strands.”
“To be honest, I didn’t think it would cut at all … a mistake on my part; my hair is kind of like a magical defense in itself.”
“Ah,” Anthony nodded as he rejoined her, standing a few feet away before folding his arms. “I didn’t consider that at all; thanks for reminding me to be cautious. It makes sense; my spear has some minor anti-magic properties.”
“Good to know,” Rachel said, pulling around her hair. “So anti-magic can counter it.”
“I said it before, and I’ll say it again; you have gorgeous hair,” Anthony noted. “I think I see some pink in there, too; you really have a unique appearance.”
She scratched her ear as it twitched, and a soft smile touched her lips. “Thanks.”
Duncan hummed lowly. “So … you two weren’t even giving it your all?”
“It doesn’t seem that way,” Anthony chuckled.
He popped his tongue; the sound echoed around the space. “Okay.”
Rachel smirked. “Next time, let’s try sparring under moonlight. I won’t lose to you then.”
“I look forward to it,” Anthony returned her grin.
Rachel’s ears stiffened as she realized what losing meant. “Oh, what about the story?”
He shrugged, smile turning mysterious. “I don’t know enough about you to cash in that ticket. I’ll take a raincheck.”
“Oh?” Rachel hummed, brushing her hair back with a raised eyebrow. “You keep surprising me.”
Duncan’s brow creased with confusion. “Why did you make the bet if you didn’t have something in mind?”
“Do I need a reason to entertain a pretty girl,” Anthony replied with a wink. “So, what’s on your agenda now?”
Rachel fell silent as she shifted her ears, listening to her group, and Duncan muttered something under his breath. “It seems Maria finally got her wish … Fiona’s drunk, and she doesn’t sound anything like her normal self.” She mused. “She’s cursing? Huh … would you like to join us?”
Duncan frowned as he eyed them. “You sure that’s a good idea?”
“Why not?” Rachel asked.
Anthony repeated her question with a bright smile. “Yeah, why not?”
“It’s just … having so many of you all … together. It just feels … like something bad will happen.”
“Now wouldn’t that be fun,” Anthony said, “and sure. Why not?”
Duncan was a little hesitant, but eventually caved; the three of them entered the building again. Their escort cleared them past the checkpoints until they made it to their building. They made it to the hallway before Anthony’s eyebrows rose; Fiona’s melodic voice could be heard halfway down the hall.
“I’ll—I’ll fuckin’ f-fight ya—damn, brighty—whity!”
“For fuck sake!” Maria groaned. “Why the hell are you so up in arms about Enya being the best singer of all time? I don’t give a shit about…”
“Hey, hey!” Bree’s frantic voice cut in.
Anthony turned to Rachel with a confused smile. “This is normal?”
“Not exactly.”
Rachel winced, as Mick said, “I mean, I’m not that big of an Enya fan myself.”
Scarlet’s cautious tone followed. “Fiona … can you please put away the fireball … Fiona? They didn’t mean it!”
“Of course I meant it,” Maria sniffed, “and what are you going to do, burn me? I just don’t like her music.” Rachel watched her jump back as they entered the room. “Oy!” She shouted; Fiona held a fist-sized fireball in her hand as she darted a bit forward, taunting her.
“Yeah,” she hiccupped, red dust flinging off her wings in a torrent before dispersing into the air. “That—that’s what I thought!”
“Rachel!” Scarlet said with relief. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to give Fiona alcohol.”
“I beg to differ,” Maëlle giggled. “She’s quite the firecracker … and who might this handsome man be, Rachel? Have you been holding back on us?”
Kyle tried to scoot between Mick and Fiona, which impressed Rachel; he had more of a backbone than she’d thought. “Hey … we don’t need to resort to violence.”
“Enya’s the greats!” Fiona muttered as she turned her glowing red eyes to him; her fireball expanded and shrunk as she spoke, likely unable to control the output as she swayed toward them.
What a way to introduce Anthony to the others…
First addressing Maria, Rachel asked, “Can you purify her?”
“Yeah,” she sighed, horn appearing. “She was hilarious at the start, but then she went crazy the more she drank.”
Fiona blinked before her face flushed. “Oh, my—my goodness! I’m so sorry … I don’t know what came over me. Was—was I swearing, and—and threatening you?”
“Like a sailor before Rachel got here,” Maria giggled. “And you have an unhealthy relationship with Enya … ya might want to look into that. It was kind of fun until that came up.”
Rachel suppressed a groan as the Succubus closed in like a viper. “Hello, my name’s Maëlle.”
“Anthony,” he responded, brow furrowing as she neared.
Luckily, he was too tall for her to kiss his cheeks, but her suspicions rose. She had her fingers wrapped around her back as she stared up at him. “Anthony,” she repeated with her French accent. “That’s a splendid name. Are you that Legendkin that I’ve heard about?”
“Yes, he is,” Serah butted in. “And I agree with Scarlet.”
Rachel smiled at the scowling agent. “We now know what happens when Fiona gets drunk.”
“I’m sorry,” Fiona whispered. “I only had a few sips, and I just … I can’t describe it. It was like a floodgate had opened, and all my emotions just rushed out.”
“This is why we’re...” Rachel’s words died as she pursed her lips; Maëlle, looking utterly innocent, darted around a distracted Serah to take Anthony’s arm.
“We should sit and talk; you must tell me about your change, and what do you do to get these muscles?”
Anthony gave her an apologetic look as Maëlle pulled him toward a table.
Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea…
Anthony didn’t say much to Maëlle as they all started to mingle, mostly listening to her babble as she continued to flirt. Serah did her best to keep the Succubus at arm’s length from both men as the night continued.
Fiona was devastated by her behavior, which dampened her mood. Scarlet was trying to keep everyone at peace and cheer up Fiona while Mick took the alcohol out of the room. Maria had taken to questioning a nervous Kyle with Scarlet distracted.
Rachel glanced around at the strange company she was in with pursed lips.
How did I get roped into all this? Was it all just Lunar Pride? This is insanity … we all have powers … everyone’s trying to learn how to deal with it, and we’re going on some top-secret military op tomorrow. What would my parents think?
Her thoughts shifted as she studied her friends.
Maria had accepted Fiona’s apology with a wave of her hand, and Scarlet was trying her best to work herself up to talk to Kyle, Maria doing her best to hook them up while not making it obvious.
Rachel pressed her hand against her chest, looking down at the ground.
I can’t believe how happy I am. They rely on me, and I rely on them. So, this is what friendship is like. Everything’s looking up at least; the FBI’s calming down with the streets, and everyone’s beginning to accept this new reality.
She spent the next few hours mingling between each group as they formed and separated; the agents had brought lemonade and soda to replace the alcohol, to Maria’s disappointment.
She learned that while she was away, Maria had already taken a look at the agents David sent their way, and it seemed like most of them were faking the infection just to see the Succubus and Incubus again. Their personality and looks alone were an addiction.
Kyle slowly began to open up as the night went on, although, just like Anthony, he talked less about himself and more about the others. He even went so far as to give Scarlet a compliment about her blue eyes, making her face reflect her name.
Maëlle and Kyle had several conversations in French that they seemed to enjoy, but Rachel noticed Kyle took care to keep his distance.
Anthony mostly stayed with her, and they went from topic to topic, finding commonalities. They both enjoyed martial arts, but Anthony preferred weapons. Both his parents died when he was a teen, but he didn’t elaborate much on the topic, and even after Maëlle asked, he didn’t comment on his ring or a possible wife, changing the subject.
When the night was nearing its end, they retired for the day, leaving Mick with Kyle as he prepared for bed.
They escorted Maëlle back to her room, fighting past every man that caught her interest, and every man caught her attention and was interested in her. Another female agent took post outside her room as she wished them goodnight, making them promise that they’d say goodbye before leaving.
It was at this point that Anthony left for his room to catch some sleep, which apparently, he hadn’t had since The Oscillation.
Maria entered their room with a loud sigh, Bree and Serah joining them inside before shutting the door. “That chica is mucho loco! Does she have to talk to every single guy, and not one of them was infected but perfectly willing to entertain her!”
“Every time I was starting to talk to Kyle, she’d butt in!” Scarlet seethed, finally showing her pent-up rage. “She did it on purpose; I know she did!”
“Probably,” Fiona yawned. “I saw her trying to do the same thing with Anthony and Rachel, though,” she teased, nudging Rachel’s arm. “So, what’s the story there? You two seemed to be getting along.”
Rachel forced a chuckle. “Well … we sparred, and he beat me.”
The five women froze. “He…” Scarlet began, but Maria finished.
“Beat you?”
“In the moonlight?” Fiona pressed.
“No, not in the moonlight, but he’s good.” She sighed, dropping into her makeshift bed before kicking off her shoes. “You already heard that he’s a master at pole-based weapons; he’s also really good at hand-to-hand combat, too.”
“Didn’t Lunar Pride hit you, then?” Maria asked, sitting down in a chair to rest her head against the back.
“No … I thought that was strange too, but then again, he was strong, and I wasn’t at my strongest. I learned a lot from it. I don’t know how else to say it, but it was a sound defeat, and I’m itching to fight him again.”
“You could have, instead of coming back,” Maria pointed out.
“I could have … but I need more experience before facing him again. I don’t want to embarrass myself, I guess.” She muttered.
Bree’s smile mirrored the others. “Okay … so, do you like him?”
Rachel supported her head with her knees as she tucked them up to her chest. “I don’t know … probably not like you’re all thinking, no. I guess you could say I admire him. He was in complete control during our fight and directed its flow with ease. I’ve never felt like that before … it’s something I need to learn.”
Clearing her throat, she smiled at each of them. “Well, we have a big day tomorrow. Let’s get some sleep.”
“Oh, let’s brush our teeth first!” Scarlet said.
Maria’s brow furrowed. “Do we have any toothbrushes?”
“What about me?” Fiona asked.
Scarlet nodded with a beaming smile. “Mick told me where some extra ones are, and I saw one that might work downstairs with those doll stuff for you, Fiona!”
Scarlet teleported to the warehouse for a moment before coming back with the items; next, she took Bree and Fiona downstairs to lock-up before returning. They each brushed their teeth and went to bed, Serah took the first watch outside so Bree could get some sleep.
Lying in bed, Rachel didn’t open her eyes as Scarlet whispered, “Guys…”
“What’s up?” Maria asked, shifting in her bed.
“Thank you.”
Maria groaned as she moved again. “For what?”
“For believing in me.”
“Of course,” Rachel smiled, shifting her ears a little on her pillow. “Thank you for believing in us.”
“You guys are so sweet,” Bree chuckled. “Oh, and by the way … do any of you need to go to the bathroom anymore?”
“Huh?” Maria’s body stiffened as she got up. “Now that you mention it … no, I haven’t had the urge.”
Rachel moved to lay on her back as she sighed. “Yeah, I haven’t thought about that either. I haven’t felt the need to use the bathroom at all.” The others made similar notes in their throat as if just realizing a strange phenomenon. “Why did you ask?”
“Because … I need to go. I’ll be back,” Bree muttered as she got up to leave. “That’s freaking weird … so, Mythickin don’t have to use the bathroom anymore … where does it all go?”
“Ya got me,” Maria whispered while settling back into bed. “I try not to think about the strange stuff…”
That is strange; our bodies have changed that much … tomorrow we step into that crystal. Will we make it back alive?
It didn’t take long for them to fall asleep.
Comments
SME
I understand =( I'll try to figure out how to better even out the pacing to keep more meat while moving things along.
Sean Robbins
its nice that the storys moving and all, but... i kinda want those two or three chapters as well 🤔😑😣😞
Pltergeist
Probably not an easiest decision what to cut from the chapter in order to advance the plot. :) Maybe there can share some brief info what had happened with them after they tried drinking alcohol as Rachel was not paying attention at that time and it was kind of important experiment. Just a suggestion ;)
SME
Yeah, as one mentioned on discord, they could tell where I shortened the interaction and both liked and wished for more. He’s conflicted on both since he enjoys more meat but also enjoys getting more things fast but is also conflicted because it means less overall
SME
Yes, I have plans for this that have been in the works from the start. There is a lot at work in the background and that ties into some interesting events
SME
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll try to think more on it and how to improve more. 👍
Pltergeist
Nice chapter, I think it was OK. There was lot of great character interaction in previous chapters, but with two or three more chapters it would be probably too much. This has move the plot nicely. I still would like to get more about the drinking experiment, though. :)
Bryan wiggins
Another great chapter! Though my though about racheal getting some weapons training, is who’s going to contract that person or company to supply sturdy reliable gear. Since racheal and other individuals world wide have skills and traits that let them say rip a tank apart, standard items would be too flimsy for them to use, what we would need to see is the governments hire changed people with a enchanter or blacksmith skill trees to make them, the skills would add additional durability or effects that could handle more abuse then normally.
Peter Christensen-Calvin
I think this was good. I'm conflicted about your style, because, while I love the detail you go into with people's thoughts, as a writer I can tell it bogs down the story. You've clearly already figured that out, though. The way I would solve it, personally, would be to look at the chapter as a whole after you've written it, and made sure to do either two things: 1) Balance the introspection with plot, or 2) go all out on the introspection. I think the dissonance comes from trying to both in unequal measure. I also feel dissonance because if stood there thinking that much, I'd look like a space cadet. The fight this time was pretty balanced, but I still found myself skipping over parts of her thoughts.
SME
Thanks for your feedback, Juuei. I'm not perfect, and know that my usual style can be quite slow and meticulous, which can bog down the experience. I'm trying to find a good medium for depth and a suitable pace that will keep interest.
Mansikamarja
I think this worked pretty well in this instance because there was really no need to prolong the night or expand on conversations because you covered very well (maybe even little too well not that im complaining) character interactions on chapters before just do what you have done to this date and continue writing however you want
