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Undying Empire: B1 — 25. The Queen's Story

🕑 Added 2020-03-05 14:26:50 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

Thank you! I just updated it. =)) Elinor has herself an Executioner!

Denis Dube

It was at this chapter that I realized that this might not be the side of undiluted goodness and rainbows. Good times. Poor toads. Suggestions: * Extra period: "they returned.” .Elinor folded her arms" * Have a look at the two paragraphs before "Rocky people?". To me it was such an abrupt transition I could swear something was missing. * that should be a what: "The introduction of massive waves of enemies was that ultimately drew my desire to rid myself of the brute." * I know what's intended here, but the flow direction of Tiffany->Iris in the first part confuses the second: "She could feel Tiffany still having short conversations with Iris, likely gaining further insight from the Witch." * Commonplaceness would make more sense, although I prefer frequency: "The commonplace of such events varies, I am told."


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