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Undying Empire: B1 — 29. Undying Appetite

🕑 Added 2020-04-04 00:35:46 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

Oh, wow, I'm sorry it took me so long to get to those changes! Thank you for pointing those out. ^_^7

SME

That's an interesting possibility =)) It makes you think how they might respond.

Boris

All those purpose discussions...would they mean that if Elinor ever remembers she wanted to get her soul cleansed (and probably mortal) and figures out the how, most of the court will try to stop her?

Denis Dube

Awww, poor Camellia, the only one in the family who can't ninja. Such trials and tribulations. Suggestions: * That's pretty graphic for a fast head turning motion, I'd use the word head instead: "snap her neck her way" * From context, the "I'm not" is very unclear: "I’m not … oh, yes, mother." * It seems like you're trying to convey two ideas with this sentence, that Vi and Lea are slower and that Camellia is even slower than them. However, it's rather confusing the way it is: "Mom, Violet and Azalea aren’t as fast as they used to be … I’m just slower." * Work her tongue around her mouth? It's rather weird like this: "Her mother didn’t respond, making Camellia work around her mouth."


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