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Undying Empire: B1 — 37. Enemy Forces

🕑 Added 2020-05-30 08:42:58 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

Fixed those things you pointed out. ^_^7

Denis Dube

Thanks for the chapter. Love the random jewel knickname for Iris. Also, felt a serious pang for Elinor when she gets excited about Edmon's discovery and how it's one of the few emotions she has left. Suggestions: * "I tried to help use some of the things I learned in the Fire Wars to help improve my people’s living standards", is awkward. Would work better if it started with "I tried to help my people use some..." * "while they have a large population, not many warriors", the latter part is missing some glue words * "His subdued emotions she felt from him made", should start with "The" * "and the guards shut the door behind them once entered", missing a they


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