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Undying Empire: B1 — 38. A Cold Heart Seeking Fire

🕑 Added 2020-06-06 08:27:08 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

She'll use them soon enough. =))

MacDB

Shouldn't she be using her skill points now she's been hording for this exact situation? or has she just forgotten about them?

SME

If you recall, Tiffany's shirt is cut just below her chest (she created a sack out of it earlier in the book, showing the underside of her bra when bunched up). The other are sheets of paper. Do you think I should clarify those parts? I think I was trying to avoid repetition with the sheets part. With Edmon and Tiffany, their relationship is a bit tricky. Edmon only partially understood why Tiffany was angry, and another reader pointed out that they were a little surprised Elinor didn't explain why that was to him after the talk. What are your thoughts?

Denis Dube

The relationship between Tiffany and Edmon is nicely brought into focus here, but I do feel it's not quite right. It just seems odd that Edmon can wax poetic about her unicorness, generally know her well enough to tweak her, and yet merely suspect he has done something to anger her even though he even explicitly aknowledges that she was showing off for him. Misc. simple stuff: * "her shirt sliding up to expose part of her black bra while she played with her short’s strap with her right", from context I think it's strap on the bra she's playing with since shirt's don't tend to have those and short makes no sense here. * "joining her by the edge of the sheets to examine them", the sheets popped out with no context. Curtains on the windows? * "I”m fine"

SME

Hmm, it could be an oversight on my part. I'll think about revising that after collecting more things people would like added. =))

Valora Brooke

Hmmm. I liked the way you looked at Tiffany and Edmon's relationship. I honestly thought Elinor was going to... Well not bonk him on the head. But at least explain Tiffany being upset.

SME

BTW, I feel like I should add more in this chapter. What do you think I should address or add onto?


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