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Undying Empire: B1 — 39. Supreme Chief Elinor

🕑 Added 2020-06-13 04:48:30 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

I don't think I've gone over your changes yet ... I'll take a look at it tomorrow. Sorry, it's taken this long. T_T

Denis Dube

Thanks for the chapter. This was as an especially fun one to read. Favorite bits: * Iris comtemplating "spirtiual things" and how she was unaware of them. But realizing they're exploitable? Delicious * Elinor revealing she once sought to become a cheerleader. Wow, life went the other way hard. * "You’re creating zealots that follow the Empress, which is excellent", yes, what could go wrong? * Ah the scrap of cloth covering the chest fat "for the brood"! Good times. * Love Elinor's thoughts on what's going on with Tiffany and Edmon's relationship. Clarifies last chapter too. Suggestions: * "“I’ll show you that it’s more than a dream, and—and that I was … wrong,” she said with difficulty.", in the same sentence she's saying it's more than a dream and that she's wrong. * "what is the Ri’bot’s beliefs", are * "cast into the bit", pit? * "he rust into action", very metal * "Iris, you know many humans find breasts very attractive", clearly she doesn't know. Doesn't have the right feel for Tiffany IMO. "I'll have you know that..." would be more like what I expected here. * "Tiffany was glared down", glaring


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