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Undying Empire: B1 — 46. Whom Do You Serve?

🕑 Added 2020-08-01 06:53:17 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

Holy cow ... that first mention made me really facepalm! I missed quite a bit in that one to clarify things! "Iona fell, body limp as she twisted into a free-fall, catching sight of the most captivating Ri’bot she’d ever seen on the way down; the slim beauty had white skin with mesmerizing glowing blue patterns, watching her fall with an amused smirk highlighting her three perfectly serrated teeth on both sides of her mouth."

Denis Dube

LOL, love the strength calculus for Elinor. So logical. So wrong. Suggestions: * "Iona fell, body lips as she twisted in free-fall", limp? * "watching her fall with an amused smirk tilted her perfect three teeth on either side of her mouth.", this wording is weird to me. I'd have expected something more along the lines of "an amused smirk revealed her perfect three..." * "which I have plenty of plagues that I can call upon", the which doesn't work there. I feel there's two sentences forced together. * “They’ll join once calming down,”, once they've calmed down

SME

Nice! We’re moving between Clans!

Martynas Samsonas

Finally got time for some reading whoop!!!

SME

That it does. It’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows, but she needs to build her forces.

Katherine

I just hope she deals with the bigger clans soon. The possibility of at least minor frog genocide excites me.

Falxie

<3


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