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Undying Empire: B1 — 50. Choices

🕑 Added 2020-08-29 09:13:20 +0000 UTC

Comments

SME

Ah, the speech error for the little brother is intended. Hehe, he's pretty young and hasn't picked up proper speech patterns yet. Yeah, the over the mind one was a touch and go for me. I was playing with the idea of them having a different saying, but I"ll change it to head. The 'he' should have been a 'we' ... facepalm. What are they over is in reference to the Supeme Chiefs or what they've been discussing in the previous sentences as 'they' over. Such as Elinor over the Pits and our Naga over Storms. I'll try to make it more clear so people can follow it. Thanks for expressing what confused you!

Denis Dube

Thanks for the chapter. "tongue brain", lol, I just love the creative specie specific insults. Suggestions: * Luna or Lura? The two names are used for what I believe to be the same sibling. * "Koma’s strong; she wins all my friends in games", missing an against in there * "Whatever was being discussed was way over her mind.", over her head is the usual expression, this is rather odd * "Actually, he kind of left out the fact that", in this context, I have no clue what "he" could be referring to * "… what are they over?”", this doesn't make sense to me, if it's referring to what the conflict is about, then that should be explicit


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