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NHRK Chapter 24

🕑 Added 2023-06-02 00:21:50 +0000 UTC

Comments

Victor Weismann

Oh... I didn't expect you to respond... It's rare for an author to accept criticism. [Something that as an author myself I consider essential to grow as a writer. Constructive criticism of course, not Hate] About that 'uzumaki lust being contained for a long time by an even stronger than normal uzumaki.' I can see wide possibilities of use in this. For example. The simplest would be to make the Uzumaki Clan's bloodline awaken, he will gain red hair, etc. This is due to the fact that by holding on too long, his blood woke up or something. [But that would go against the purpose of the novel which is to be HAGOROMO Naruto.] Another option is that this 'lustful' nature grew so much, and an 'energy' was created, that way, the Mc could gain a new type of perfect sage mode that would match his Rinnegan eyes, after all, he was holding it for a long time the Yang of his body, and due to the extreme 'Yin' of the eye, has his body sort of reached balance? Another option would be to have the MC Himself have some sort of hormonal maturation. One thing completely off topic, about Hinata... Do you realize how much the Hyuugas are OP? They are basically the perfect Archers, especially Hinata who has an affinity for the lightning element. She can simply imbue a bow-shaped chakra weapon, and shoot a damn arrow imbued with lightning KM away and the target will be hit thanks to her Byakugan. BETTER YET, she can even use these arrows to hit a point of Tenketsu and render someone useless in a fight. She is basically a Sniper in the ninja world.

Lost Samurai

Glad you like it! I might be able to squeeze out an extra chapter tomorrow simply because my uni work hasn't ramped up yet. We'll see.

Lost Samurai

Thank you for taking the time to write about this. The criticism is welcome. Yes, this was something that came a bit too much out of left field for my liking but it's simply due to my inexperience as an author (as well as my fear of being yeeted out of this platform). Anyhow, at the time I wrote this, I thought this would be a strange but still interesting thing to add, but it ended up a bit shallow due to its sudden appearance and gimmicky nature. However, in the future chapters, this Uzumaki lust thing, due to being restrained for a year, will have some effects on our character. Thanks for your support as always. I'll keep your advice in mind for future fics.

Victor Weismann

Yes... This chapter was not good. Expected more since this seal bullshit was released. I understand that you used this as an excuse for the characters to be 'older' to do this because of platform rules, etc [Not that this changes anything, I've seen several works on Webnovel and Fanfic net that the characters are under 18 years, and nothing has happened to them, as long as they are not less than 15 years old everything is fine]. But this was simply very poorly introduced, and ended up just becoming a bad point in the story. [Not something that detracts from the story or anything, just that it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, it's like eating a really good pizza, but one important point of it that you like is the cheese is rotten.] You spent an entire chapter on this interaction, and what did naruto do? Nothing, yep. Now have to wait 2 more days for another chapter... sigh. Sometimes a little 'irrationality' is good, like just now, you described the situation as if he had something uncontrollable inside him, wouldn't it be strange for the situation to advance even further, and Kushina accepting the advance because it's something she set out to do It's normal [from the context you gave her Clan it's normal to do that.] Naruto the next day after that act, he would feel terrible, blah, blah, he would blame himself for not having controlled himself, blah, blah. all that usual naruto drama, you could exploit that to advance the relationship between the two and make naruto mature as a man. Another option would be to just not put the damn seal, and leave the man free to do anything with the other 17 year olds that I'm sure there wouldn't be any problems with said platforms. One option I thought of would be for Naruto's 'willpower' to be stronger than the seal, that way when the seal came off, he would act normal. [still lusting after the beautiful woman], but normal. And not in the pathetic way it was today. [We knew this option is more like Naruto-like, he would see the seal as a challenge, and learn to better control his desires. Anyway, it was just a rant, and a criticism [I hope so] I'll still be supporting you, you write very well, and I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop the story, after all, Naruto is pretty much too OP for today's world, I want to see how you're going to change that world. That chapter I'll just try to erase it from my mind, for me, that chapter just gave me a feeling of... 'ugh'... Hard to explain. It just gave me a really bad feeling, and I didn't like it.

Jack of Blade

I want more!!! Can't wait for the next chapter


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