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Turning Chapter 404
🕑 Added 2023-09-01 05:56:58 +0000 UTCChapter 404
There was neither anger nor anything else; just the calmly delivered words. Before the shock could even register, Kishiar continued speaking.
"And so, I'm sorry for that."
"What... What are you apologizing for?"
"Even considering all the variables, knowing better than anyone that my assistant had such certainty, I'm the one who led us there in the end."
Yuder was about to open his mouth to tell him not to blame himself. Everything was because of him, and what Kishiar had gleaned from his inner thoughts was not incorrect in the slightest. Yuder could have knelt down on the spot and apologized over and over, but if it would keep Kishiar from getting more tired and send him safely in the dark, he would have drunk the burning potion just as many times.
When he saw the scar deep in Kishiar's eyes, he felt something akin to regret for a moment. However, having dreamed a long-ago dream and awakened anew, such sentimental thoughts had long since vanished. It was his fault. He was Yuder Aile. And probably would be in the future as well.
But, as he met Kishiar's inscrutable, powerful gaze, all of this became difficult to articulate. Seeing Yuder's hesitant face, the corners of Kishiar's lips faintly lifted.
"I've thought about it ever since I returned here. Just as my assistant has judged right, drinking the potion, and ultimately seizing what he desired, I would have ended up taking you to that place with me, regardless of how many times the situation repeated. My conclusion would not have changed."
Because in the end, he did not doubt that it was right.
The slowly uttered voice carried heat, sinking hotly into his ears.
"So who can we blame? What I said to you is something I should say to myself as well."
"..."
"Perhaps as long as we're together, the same pain will keep repeating. But, if that fact discourages us from doing anything, then what could we have started in the first place?"
Yuder looked down at the transparent potion bottle that Kishiar was slowly rubbing between his hands, listening to his words. A sensation that felt both familiar and unfamiliar swirled slowly in his chest.
"So don't apologize to me even if the same thing repeats in the future. I know that's your kindness. But I don't want to see someone who has courageously faced and overcome himself kneeling to comfort my mere pain."
"..."
"Don't diminish the judgment you thought was right in such a way. I'll deal with my pain on my own."
"But..."
"Didn't you promise to accompany me on my path forever?"
Yuder's words stuck in his throat for a moment.
He had promised Kishiar.
The future of Kishiar La Orr's newly formed Cavalry unit. A time when the useless and rejected Awakeners would finally take their rightful place in the world. He had vowed to go with him to the end of that long road.
"As long as you don't forget that, it's enough."
Kishiar's eyes curved gently into a smile. Above the red irises, the shadows of multicolored lights leaped incessantly, reminiscent of the fireworks display held in the capital every New Year's Eve. In that tragic yet vibrant beauty, Yuder momentarily lost himself.
It was different.
Everything was different, to the point where he felt embarrassed for having momentarily mistaken the shadow of dawn on his face for 'that day's' Kishiar. Everything was different...
"Why are you making that face? You look like a child who doesn't know what to do because they haven't been scolded."
"...I am past the age for such a childish comparison."
He responded reflexively, but in fact, he himself felt that Kishiar's words were not entirely wrong.
He had thought it would be natural for Kishiar to be angry. He exhaled heavily, thinking about what he needed to do to erase even a small part of the deep scars etched in Kishiar's eyes. But when the situation turned out to be the opposite of what he had anticipated, he didn't know what to do.
"Think simply," Kishiar extended his hand. Yuder hesitated for a moment, then took it, and sat on his knee as he was pulled.
"In the end, being alive means you can do anything."
'...Being alive means you can move forward.'
Mixed with Kishiar's words, a voice that was the same but a slightly different statement spread inside him, like ripples on the surface of water.
'What was that?'
Yuder blinked blankly.
Had he heard those words from Kishiar before? When? He tried to think more clearly, but the ripples, like a small stone that had been thrown, had quickly sunk without a trace. Above his furrowed brow, Kishiar raised a question, holding his hand up.
"Does your hand not hurt? According to Lusan, even his divine power can hardly change it now."
"Ah... Yes. It's fine since it doesn't hurt. It moves every time I exert strength, but..."
"I see. It still seems to be moving a bit. Has the power seeped into the veins?"
Kishiar, who had lifted Yuder's hand, let out a soft breath, looking at the ragged line along his arm. Yuder flinched when Kishiar's breath touched the back of his hand, but he quickly shut his mouth, recalling the words that had said to leave his own pain to himself.
"I'm not sure about that yet."
"Okay. Then... how about your eye?"
"My eye is fine."
"Don't you feel bad that your power is leaking every time you use your ability?"
Yuder lifted his head to meet the gaze looking down at him. Kishiar had apparently already received a report on that part.
"Why would it?"
In fact, whether one eye turned gold or red, or was covered in black spots and not visible at all, it was heavenly compared to before. His halved field of vision had widened, and he no longer lost his sense of distance. As long as it didn't distract him during battle, it didn't matter since he himself couldn't feel the color change.
"Could you... show me?"
Kishiar asked cautiously. It was not difficult. A stream of water generated from thin air spiraled softly between Yuder's fingers as soon as he raised one. At the same time, golden light sprang from the inner corner of his left eye.
"Is it done?"
"Yes. It has really changed. But it's a bit different from that time."
When his eye color first changed, it emitted a bright light even in the darkness, but now it was not that intense. Yuder flinched at the touch of the cool fingertips moving from under his left eye, across his eyelid to his ear, and then back again, but he obediently offered his face.
"I will remove it now."
"Okay."
Yuder withdrew his power, and at the same time, the golden pupil shrank. But Kishiar's gaze remained fixed in the same place. Yuder silently waited for him to speak.
"The feeling is peculiar."
"If it's too strange, I'll think about a solution."
"When you were with me, you seemed so unreasonably fussy, but curiously, you’re beautiful."
"Really?"
Kishiar did not repeat himself. Instead, he gently changed the subject and informed Yuder of the matters he had dealt with while Yuder had slept. All the while, he wore a smile.
Despite not joining them, a report that Pruelle and Ever had succeeded in opening the way to the 4th-floor dungeon. Although the underground storage had been wrecked, the tavern maintained an abnormally usual appearance, and Baron Willhem seemed to know nothing about it. Then the news that Nathan Zuckerman had destroyed the bottles of Infinity, forever eradicating the dangerous drugs of Calanesa inside.
Ordinarily, Yuder would have focused on those astonishing revelations, but today, Yuder couldn't tear his gaze away from the smile that appeared on Kishiar's face as he spoke.
Kishiar must have once been a person who smiled like this.
A sincerity revealed, not hidden between eyes that seemed to have swallowed all the secrets of the world. Unlike natural beauty, it was a product carved and chosen through the path he had lived. How special must one feel to be allowed to share such contrasting charm? Did that man truly understand?
After thinking to that point, a smile from a previous life he saw in a dream overlapped with the current one.
How would it have been if he had shown him such a smile back then? Would something have changed?
...Could it have changed?
There were still many holes within Yuder. Some things had been filled, but others might never be. But one thing was clear: all of this was related to the man before him.
Yuder recalled the thin thread-like energy he had witnessed in the darkness of the secret storage. If it was the same energy that Kishiar had seen when he found him in the Great Sarain Forest, what could its identity be?
The inside of his mouth and tongue tingled as if wanting to say something. Yuder looked down at the small glass bottle still clutched in his hand, even after all the talk had ended.
Since escaping the secret storage and handling all those matters, without even a moment's rest, anyone, even a Swordsmaster, would be tired. But he had ignored all of that, prioritizing Yuder and staying here without even taking the medicine.
Suddenly, he remembered the dream man, suppressing coughs within his tightly closed mouth.
An almost unique pain that even the patient, current Kishiar had said he couldn't endure. It was pain related to the vessel, suffered just before becoming an Awakener.
The pain that a man, strong as iron refined through thousands of smeltings, considered death preferable to bear. Was he swallowing that kind of pain now?
For what purpose?
"...Commander, will you ultimately not take it?"
Unable to hold back, Yuder spoke, and Kishiar smiled slightly.
"Do you want me to drink it?"
"If it's not uncomfortable since I gave it to you... I wish you would."
"Now?"
Now. When Yuder nodded, Kishiar silently fiddled with the bottle for a moment, then opened the cap. Only after watching the potion flow smoothly down his throat did Yuder feel entirely free from the remnants of the dream.
Comments
Jazmin
I think he's remembering now, hence why he feels so much pain all the time. But yeah it's sad but I do wonder if like someone suggested that his feelings were dulled after Kishiars death at his own hands. Unfortunately I do think that tragically he did kill him. Although we have no idea what happened with Nahan in that timeline...
farjana nawaz
Man I hurt to know that he doesn’t remember the pain of losing Kishiar. I kinda think he didn’t actually kill Kishiar but just recalls the incident to be his own actions
