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[DDJ] Chapter 3 — Smoke and Mirrors
🕑 Added 2025-03-03 10:17:38 +0000 UTCCW: [Self-deprecation, self-doubts, some bigotry]
My breath came in ragged gasps—I had been running for the last fifteen minutes.
“Fuuuck,” I cursed through clenched teeth, only now registering the pain. My legs were covered in countless cuts, thin streaks of blood trailing down my skin.
I glanced around, but the thick fog and dense undergrowth made it nearly impossible to see more than a few feet ahead. The towering pines loomed over me, their tangled branches clawing at the sky, their shadows twisting like grasping hands in the dim light. And then, there was the creeping mist—coiling at my feet, slithering forward like a living thing. A suffocating shroud, like a barrier, herding me deeper into this wretched forest. I knew if I stopped, if I hesitated for even a moment, it would swallow me whole.
And then, there it was again—the clatter of chains, the wet rasp of heavy breathing, the unbearable stench of rotting flesh mixed with something… something far sinister.
“Hennnryyy,” crooned that sickening, distorted voice. “I know you’re here. Come out, I only want to help you~”
I held my breath, clamping my hands over my mouth to silence even the smallest sound. The world around me seemed to hold its breath too, muting everything but his approaching steps. Every twig that snapped beneath his weight, every whisper of disturbed leaves, made it feel as if he was already breathing down my neck. My whole body went rigid. Every fiber of my being screamed at me to run, but I was frozen, paralyzed.
Tears welled up in my eyes. Just why was I like that? So, so… helpless. Useless.
I should’ve known better. I should’ve never trusted them. I should’ve never dared to believe I was special, that I could change anything.
…
They were right, I was wrong. In the end, I was nothing more than a misguided freak. A pervert. A bo—
“LIA!”
__________________
– 7 hours prior –
Tara pulled me along the hallway, her hand firmly clasped around mine, sparking a wave of murmurs and whispers among the students. The chatter rippled through the crowd, and I knew it wouldn’t stop here—by the end of the day, the whole school would be talking, spreading rumors.
I was back to being… me. That made everything so much worse.
I caught snippets of hushed conversations as we passed. Some girls speculated that this would be my last day, while others whispered about how they had been right about me all along. Whatever that meant, it couldn’t be good.
The further I got dragged through the halls, the heavier my chest became. I wanted to disappear. I needed to disappear. This attention was suffocating. I didn’t like it, it made me feel… dreadful. Their stares burned into me, carving out every flaw I already despised within myself and putting them on display—the reflection I couldn't escape: a boy.
I didn’t belong here. I wasn’t supposed to exist like this. In the waking world, I was nothing but a joke—a cowardly, unmanly disgrace. I was garbage. I was—No, Henry, don’t cry. Not here. Not now.
I swallowed my pain, forced it down where no one could see, where it belonged. I let myself retreat into my mind, let the world blur around me. It was safer there. It was quieter. I barely registered Tara still leading me forward, her presence the only tether keeping me from completely sinking into the abyss of my mind.
I had no idea where we were going, and I didn’t care. My life was over anyway. So if I was to be dragged to the end of it all, then at the very least, I wanted to be with the one person who had ever shown me kindness.
But was she really?
From the very beginning, she had made it clear—she sought me out because of how unique I am. That was why she was here. That was why she was with me.
A quiet, bitter laugh slipped from my thoughts.
I was a tool. A soldier that had simply switched sides.
__________________
–Present–
No. What was she doing here? She wasn’t supposed to be here.
“Ooh? Who do we have here? Looking for your lost asset?” The gargling voice of the whale-fanatic dripped with mockery.
I heard the other person halt in their tracks. Her voice was sharp. “Richards. This doesn’t concern you. Leave. Right. NOW!”
“ME? LEAVING?” the fanatic bellowed, laughter rasping in his throat. “I’d rather not. This is a family matter. So stay out, demon. You hold no power in the in-between.”
Silence stretched between them, thick with tension.
Then, a slow, measured voice. “I see, so that’s how it is. I knew from the first glance that something had tainted her pure form. Did you perform one of your sick experiments on her as well?”
My stomach churned. What was he saying? He was part of my family? No, no, no. That wasn’t possible. My parents had no siblings. My father was an only child, and my mother’s brother was… dead.
I swallowed down the rising nausea. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening. I had to get out. NOW.
Screaming internally at my own body to move, I forced my legs into action. I turned and ran. They were focused on each other; they wouldn’t chase me right now.
I didn’t want to hear any more. I didn’t want to know. My vision blurred as fresh tears streamed down my face. My heart pounded, drowning out everything else.
This was simply too much. A nightmare—through and through.
__________________
–6 hours prior–
I don’t remember much about the trip. At some point, we all piled into something that looked like an old hippie bus and drove downtown. I know Tara had been holding me tightly, whispering words, but they didn’t stick.
My mind was in turmoil. An up followed a down. A down followed an up.
The moment I heard the Circle was involved, I had wanted to run. But Tara’s arms had kept me safe, kept me grounded. So I closed my eyes again.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up on a couch, a blanket draped over me. My body felt heavy, my limbs aching. When I tried to sit up, a wave of dizziness nearly knocked me back down.
“Careful there, H.” A soft voice reached me through the haze. “You burned through a lot of mana without realizing it. I’m surprised you’re awake already. The ride here knocked you out good.”
It took me a moment to place the voice. Then, I felt a familiar touch on my hands.
“T-Tara…” I whispered, exhausted, instinctively leaning into her warmth. My eyes failing again, my body threatening to pull me back into unconsciousness.
Arms wrapped around me. “I’m here. Everything’s fine. You scared me, you know? After we left the old oak tree, you just… shut down. You were so quiet, so distant. Does this happen often?”
I closed my eyes and nuzzled into her shoulder, letting her presence drown out the noise in my mind. After a moment, I nodded—just barely.
Tara stroked my hair gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to talk if you’re not ready. I can’t imagine what this must feel like for you. I know it’s overwhelming and that you have a ton of questions. But I need you to know something.”
She pulled back just enough to meet my gaze. “You’re safe here. You’re safe with me. I will not let anything happen to you. I don’t care who they are or what they want—you’re mine to protect.”
She squeezed my hands. “No one will lay a finger on you. No one. I promise you that.”
__________________
–Present–
The moons’ glow was masked behind a drapery curtain of darkened clouds, allowing only slivers of silver light to flicker through, illuminating the already obscured path. Each time the clouds smothered the glow, I was plunged into pitch-black emptiness. And when the light managed to break free, it cast twisted silhouettes of gnarled branches and warped trunks, making it seem as though ethereal beings were dancing all around me—jeering, sneering, taunting me to turn back and give up. They loomed over me, their laughter ringing in my ears but no matter how fast I ran, I tried to escape them, they never faded.
Then I saw something—and halted.
In the midst of this waking nightmare, standing right before me, was a mirror. A cheval mirror, its frame wrought from shrouded wood, as if smoke had entwined and solidified into an illustre form, seemingly bending to its own will. It pulled me in, drawing me closer, and with every step I took, the smoky frame quivered—ripples undulating across its surface, forming tendrils that reached out to me.
The moment they made contact, a cacophony of whispering voices thundered through my mind. A chorus, a choir—welcoming yet uninviting. A future certain, a present undefined. My thoughts filled to the brink, about to burst from a stream of knowledge until it felt like my skull would crack beneath the weight of it all.
And then I saw it. Saw them. Saw myself in the mirror.
No. Th-this couldn’t be right!
Panic overtook me at what I saw. I tried to look away, but the tendrils coiled tighter, cut into my flesh, forcing me to face the reflection—forcing me to see. I struggled, but they wouldn’t let go. They made me watch, made me analyze what I saw.
But this image, it was cruel, unfair. Why did it have to be me? WHY? WHY WAS I SURROUNDED BY CORPSES?!
__________________
–3 hours prior–
I woke up to the sound of people entering. This time, I was fully awake—and instantly mortified as the memory of how I had acted towards Tara while being him resurfaced. Embarrassment flooded me, and I wanted nothing more than to bury myself back under the blanket. Sadly, that wasn’t an option.
"You must be our little rogue demoness I've been hearing so much about," a smooth, commanding voice said. "You've certainly stirred up quite a bit of trouble in the short time you've been aware of our world."
With a smile on her lips, she took a step forward, “I’m Asteria Oneiro de Fyl, Kaya’s mother, Matriarch of this Coven, and a Marquess—though only in title these days."
She was tall—easily 6’3” or 6’4”, towering over the others. Her face was celestial perfection: high cheekbones, delicate features, and lips set in a ghostly expression. But her eyes—endless and cold blue, like frozen starlight framed by long, ash-colored lashes—held something unfathomable. Something mythical. Something dark.
Her white hair, long and silken, cascaded down to the floor. The skin, flawless and porcelain, seemed almost ethereal, untouched by time. She was draped in what I could only describe as an ancient Greek robe… I think I heard people calling it a peplos. The flowing fabric only added to the effortless grace of her movements. I was stunned and an unsettling feeling crept inside of me that outside of waking, she would appear even more otherworldly. Something beautiful, untouchable… eternal.
Kaya's chuckle snapped me out of my trance. Feeling caught staring. my eyes darted downward in embarrassment.
A round of laughter filled the room.
"Don't worry, H," Kaya said, amused. "She has this effect on everyone the first time they meet her. Mom’s pretty famous for her looks, after all. We come from a royal lineage, even if she decided to step down from her position."
That made me look up again, and only now, I noticed how different the two of them looked from each other. Asteria must have caught my questioning expression because she answered before I could even ask.
"My dear daughter takes mostly after my wife," she said, a wistful undertone in her voice. "She’s away at the moment—otherwise, the resemblance would be unmistakable."
Something about the way she said it felt off, grim, but I pushed the thought aside.
Instead, I let my gaze wander through the room. It was a strange mix of old-fashioned and modern—Victorian style blended with contemporary amenities. The furniture and décor seemed to belong to another era yet eerily new whilst the lighting was built with LEDs. The contrast was oddly mesmerizing.
Finally, my eyes returned to Kaya and her mother. Besides them, Maria was present—as well as someone I had never seen before.
She was short but strikingly well-toned, her build highlighted by a tight black shirt tucked into equally dark, high-waisted denim shorts. She had a pixie cut, nose and ear piercings, and subtle yet goth-like makeup. Chewing gum, she met my gaze with a casual nod as if to say ’sup. Her expression was totally unreadable but carrying an air of effortless confidence.
"That's Lunaria," Maria said. "She goes to the same college as your brother and is our best, well… spy, for lack of a better word."
The mention of my brother sent my mood plummeting. My stomach twisted as the weight of my situation pressed down on me again. Without thinking, my hands slid to the hem of my shirt, tugging at the fabric—a nervous habit I had never been able to shake. My father used to reprimand me for it. A man doesn’t fidget. A man is strong-willed.
But I wasn’t a man. I wasn’t anything at all…
“W-where’s Tara?” The words slipped from my lips before I even fully registered what I was asking. As soon as I did, I braced myself for laughter. But no one laughed. Their expressions softened instead, seemed… sympathetic.
Maria took a small step forward. "She actually went out with Ashley to get food for everyone. Most of the coven that lives in town isn’t here today—including Iris, who normally cooks. She’s an expert, but she had other duties. So, while those two are grabbing dinner, we figured we could answer some of your questions."
Before I could respond, Asteria clapped her hands together.
"Thank you for explaining, Maria," she said smoothly. "I was just about to do so myself. However, this isn’t the best place for that conversation. I thought I’d come and get you now that I’m here."
Her voice was friendly, but the way Maria flinched at the mention of her name made it clear that something was off.
I hesitated.
But eventually, I shoved the rest of the blanket off and forced myself to stand.
The moment I did, I felt wrong again. This body. This skin. It was unfamiliar. Unnatural. I cringed. Just why did I have to be Henry in the waking world?
Asteria turned and led the way, Kaya and Lunaria following closely behind. Maria walked up to me and gave me a small nudge to move. I exhaled slowly, then followed.
At least Maria had always been kind to me. Even back at school, she was the only one who had never treated me cruelly, even though no one would have batted an eye if she had. That thought alone was enough to let me put one foot in front of the other.
“Here we go,” I whispered under my breath.
__________________
–Present–
The image burned itself into my mind—the mangled bodies lying there, lifeless, only to suddenly reach for me. Hands grasped my legs, my arms, my body. I knew it wasn’t real. But it felt real. The horror of it, the weight of their stares, the cold, clammy grip of death pulling me down.
Their voices rang in my head:
"H-heLp Us..."
"Why did you betray us?"
"A bOy DiSgUiSiNg As A gIrL."
"yOu WeRe NeVeR sUpPosSeD tO bE."
“SHUT UP!”I clawed at the mirror, my breath ragged, my tears hot as they streamed down my face. I didn’t want to hear them. I was Lia here. I AM Lia here. This was my dream. My world!
Enraged, I tried to free myself again. The tendrils tightened, embedding themselves deeper into my flesh. I could feel my own violet blood trickling down, pooling beneath me, yet I refused to stop. The pain was excruciating, but I kept going. Inch by inch. My body screamed at me to give in, but I refused.
Then, I felt it. The tendrils faltered—aching, breaking.
With a sharp snap, my right arm tore free. And without hesitation, without a second thought, I drove my fist into the mirror.
The first crack sent a shockwave through me—a jagged, splintering sound that was satisfying beyond words. My breath hitched, my mind fogging as something primal took over. My hand moved on its own, slamming against the glass, this blasted mirror, over and over. Again. Again.
Crack after crack spread across its surface, the reflection distorting, dying. And with one final, furious punch the mirror shattered.
For a moment, the world stood still.
Then—a blinding light. An explosion. My ears rang, my vision blurred. For a terrifying second, I thought I had died. But as my sight returned, I was astounded.
The shards—thousands of them—were frozen mid-air, suspended around me like a shattered reality. Each fragment reflected something different. A life. A future. A past. I couldn't comprehend it, couldn't make sense of what I was seeing. The voices were still there, but they no longer called to me. Instead, they whispered to each other, weaving echoes of things that had never happened—yet somehow had.
I reached for a shard. The moment my fingers brushed against it, a sharp pain tore through me. And then… understanding. It was a possibility. A future never lived, an outcome never reached. A path diverging from my own.
Then the shard imploded, dissolving into a swirl of smoke that drifted toward the center, reforming part of the mirror.
I touched another. This time, warmth flooded my body. An image played before me—a girl winning a contest, a cheering crowd, arms embracing her, laughter filling the air. Happiness. Love. Belonging.
It was beautiful, pure.
Like the first, it shattered into mist moments after, weaving itself back into the broken mirror.
One by one, the shards reversed their shattering, drawn back to their original place. Piece by piece, the mirror reassembled, its surface whole once more.
But this time, as I gazed into it there was no chaos. No corpses. No voices. Just me.
I hesitated.
Then, slowly, I reached out curiously… and touched it.
__________________
–2 hours and 30 minutes prior–
My eyes widened as I stepped through the door, catching sight of… well, something straight out of a fantasy novel. I stood inside what could only be described as the hollowed interior of a massive, gnarled darkwood tree, its structure twisting and expanding beyond what seemed physically possible. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought I was inside an elven home layered with an eclectic mix of architectural styles, each woven seamlessly into the living wood. It was breathtaking.
"Where are we?" I asked, my mouth agape.
"Below the town," snickered Maria, clearly amused. "It's amazing, isn't it? I still remember my first time. Kaya said I looked like I turned to stone for ten whole minutes. To be honest, I’ve never even been all the way down. I’m not allowed yet."
"Wait… what’s down there?" I asked, craning my neck to look over the railing—only to be yanked back by an unseen force. Fuck, that went deep.
"I wouldn’t try that if I were you. A lot of the stuff here is enchanted," Maria warned. "As for what’s at the bottom… no idea, to be honest. Even Kaya doesn’t know. But this place is enormous. Each floor is connected by portals, or stairs if you feel like taking a very long walk. Wouldn’t recommend it, though. We’re pretty far down, and climbing back up would take forever."
I tilted my head back again, eyes following the seemingly endless levels above us. I can’t even see the top…
"So what floor are we on?" I asked.
Maria grinned. "The common floor. See that big wooden door over there—the one with the Viking-style carvings? That’s the main hall, basically a giant living room. We use it for larger social gatherings when more of our coven is present. You might be surprised, but there’s a lot of us, and not everyone stays on this side of reality, you know?"
I blinked. "That’s… actually really cool. How many of you are there exactly?"
"Hmm, hard to say. I’ve never seen all of us together, but we’re well over a thousand. Only a small percentage live here permanently, though. Most have homes elsewhere, and even those who do live here are constantly traveling. Our coven is big compared to most, but in the grand scheme of things, we rank in the upper middle bracket." She paused, then added with a smirk, "Power-wise, though? We’re very high up."
"Huh," I muttered, still trying to process everything. I had expected… well, something, but not this. Not an entire hidden world beneath the town. Not a sprawling, ancient structure teeming with life. Especially not when, just this morning, I had still believed my dreams were nothing more than that—just dreams. But now…
"Could you two please hurry up?" Kaya’s voice called from ahead. I looked up and realized that she and the others had moved much farther ahead than us.
"We’re coming!" Maria answered before tapping my back. "Let’s go."
The rest of the trip was mostly uneventful. The only real interaction was between Kaya and Maria, who were locked in some kind of constant flirtation. Or, more accurately, Kaya was relentlessly teasing Maria, turning her into a blushy mess.
Asteria remained silent, barely paying them any mind. Lunaria, on the other hand, kept rolling her eyes, clearly so done with their antics. Apparently, this was a common occurrence.
But while they were lost in their own dynamic, my thoughts were elsewhere. No matter how stunning this place was, I couldn’t appreciate it. My mind was too tangled, my emotions too raw.
My worries and guilt kept piling up. How was I even allowed here? Why did they all act so friendly and normal, as if my presence wasn’t an issue? I was a male, an intruder in a safe zone—a sacred, magical place—existing in this form that didn’t belong.
Worse yet, they had made it clear they were enemies of the Circle. But… wasn’t I one of them?
I didn't know what to think anymore. To them, was I a threat? An ally? The keeper of some legendary relic they needed? The puzzle pieces didn’t fit. People don’t just welcome strangers with open arms—especially not ones they had considered an enemy only hours ago.
My stomach twisted uncomfortably. I wished Tara was here…
Finally, after passing through a door and traversing a long hallway, we arrived at the portal room. It was nothing like what I had imagined a portal within a tree would look like. Typically, I would have expected an oval or rectangular frame of intertwined branches, cradling a shimmering magical gateway at its core.
But this… this was something entirely different. In the center of the room cradled an open flower, its petals unfurled in a perfect, almost unnatural symmetry. The stamens and pistil stood upright. The flower reminding me of a peony in full bloom. Its sheer size and presence made it feel less like a plant and more like a construct of ancient magic, alive yet unmoving. Without hesitation, Asteria and the others stepped onto it, as if this was the most natural thing in the world—I, however, faltered.
What kind of portal is this? I thought skeptically.
I swallowed slightly and followed them onto the petals. They felt firm yet oddly elastic beneath my feet. As I reached the center, standing at the flower’s base, I looked to the others for some kind of explanation.
Kaya grinned. "Be prepared to be amazed."
Before I could ask what she meant, Asteria spoke a string of words in a language I didn’t understand.
Instantly, the petals began to vibrate. The stamens vibrated, glowing with an ethereal light as the flower slowly closed around us.
A gentle hum filled the air as pollen spread, dancing like silver fireflies before latching onto the pistil. The more pollen gathered, the more translucent the flower became, losing its vibrant pink hue until it was as clear as glass.
The once-bright petals now resembled a skeletal flower—fragile, translucent, yet hauntingly beautiful.
Then the pollen-covered pistil pulsed, releasing a waves of silvery light that slowly illuminated the whole room. A moment of weightlessness. And when my vision cleared. We were somewhere else.
The flower slowly began to reopen, its petals regaining color—this time, a deep, striking blue reminiscent of cornflowers.
Kaya leaned in, her breath brushing against my ear.
"And?" she whispered. "Amazed?"
I jolted at her proximity, letting out an involuntary ‘eep’.
Kaya chuckled and said teasingly, "Cute~"
My face burned, heat rushing up to my cheeks, and this time, it wasn’t the petals that changed.
Then, with a teasing wink, she walked off to follow her mother and Lunaria. Maria gave me a small, apologetic smile before trailing after them.
I barely had time to breathe and sank my face into my hands before Asteria’s voice called out.
"Move along, child."
Still red-faced, I quickly hurried after them.
__________________
–Present–
Just where did I end up? The place felt weirdly futuristic. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say I was inside some kind of geometric alien structure—endless black granite cubes veined with green, strung together in an impossible pattern. It was as if someone had grown a building out of pyrite, hovering cubes suspended over a bottomless abyss.
I had to admit, I was lost. But at least I wasn’t in that forest anymore, running for my life from that monster. A shiver ran down my spine at the thought of how close he had been. And then anger replaced my fear—Asteria. Why was I so stupid and listened? I really thought I…
Oh, my little lamb, please stop doubting yourself, a whisper, distant yet intimate, coiled through my mind.
“H-Hello?” I stammered. A sweet giggle filled my head. O mine own little lamb, canst thou at last hearest me?
“Y-Yes? Who are you?” I asked, shyly.
A warmth spread through me, familiar and soothing. Thou knowest who I am. Thus, prithee, speak mine own name.
I wanted to deny it, to question it. But this voice… this feeling. Oh, she was—
"My journal," I murmured, the realization hitting me.
A pink shimmer burst into existence before me, and there it was—my journal.
Thou hast called me? it echoed, its presence thrumming in my mind.
“B-But she took you away! How are you—” I started totally flabbergasted, but the journal cut me off.
I am thine, and thine alone. No matter how she doth covet and seek to wield me, ne'er shall she prevail. Thus is mine decree. Thus is mine law.
Happiness filled me, one I didn’t realized I craved. I wasn’t alone. Even if everyone else abandoned me, my journal would never leave.
'Tis time to depart, mine little lamb. This place beareth no safety for thee. Thou hast wandered too far into the wilds, the journal urged.
My heart sank. “But… where?
Dost thou place thy faith in me? They asked.
I hesitated for only a second before nodding. The journal vibrated with joy, landing in my hands before it shimmered brightly. The glow grew until it consumed everything, forcing my eyes shut. When the light faded, I was standing in a room I didn’t recognize—but the walls… I knew this material. I was back in the tree.
A sharp gasp came from behind me. I spun around. There she was—Tara. She stood frozen, tears welling in her eyes.
"L-Lia!"
__________________
–2 hours prior–
"What is this place?" I asked, my voice cautious.
Asteria mustered me for a moment before responding. "My upper study. Please, sit down."
Something was off. She was colder than before. Even Kaya, who had been relaxed earlier, now seemed tense.
"Mom?" Kaya's voice held an edge of uncertainty.
"Quiet, child," Asteria snapped.
Okay, what the fuck!? I took a step back, but before I could react, Lunaria shifted behind me, blocking the way.
"Sit down," Asteria repeated. This time, it was no longer a request.
I looked at Maria, silently pleading for an explanation, but she quickly averted her gaze, shame flickering across her face. My stomach twisted. I turned to Kaya, but she, too, avoided my eyes.
A lump formed in my throat as I hesitantly lowered myself onto the couch—alone. Asteria sat across from me, her presence commanding. The others stood behind her like a wall, unmoving.
I felt alone. I felt betrayed.
"You are a child of the Circle, are you not?" Asteria's voice was calm but sharp.
"I-I was born into a fami—"
"Yes or no answers only," she interrupted, her tone like cold iron. "Understood?"
I clenched my fists, rage simmering beneath my skin.
I nodded.
"Don’t look at me like that," she warned. "Just answer the questions. So, are you a child of the Circle?"
"Yes."
"Did you know what they were doing to my daughter?"
"No."
A force struck me in the gut like an unseen fist. My breath hitched.
"Liar," she hissed.
"I-I didn't—" Another blow. I coughed violently.
"Don't talk back. And don’t lie. Those are the only rules here."
This was unfair. I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't know what the Circle had planned. I could have guessed, sure—given what I knew about my father—but that wasn't the same as knowing.
Another wave of pressure. My lungs screamed.
"Yes!" I gasped.
Asteria exhaled, satisfied. "Good. Did you know how evil the Circle is?"
"Yes."
"Did you attend their meetings?"
"Yes."
"Did you know about the supernatural world before today?"
"No."
A slow nod. "Did you ever harm someone of your own free will to aid the Circle?"
"No."
"Do you love your family?"
"Yes," I answered honestly.
Asteria's gaze sharpened. "Lie."
My mind stuttered. Wait… what?
I did love them. Right? My family. I— Why can’t I remember? Wh-what is it that I feel for them? If not love… then what is love then supposed to be?
Before I could piece it together, she spoke again. "Do your beliefs align with the Circle?"
"No," I answered without hesitation.
I heard the smallest breath of relief from her. "Good. Would you have followed their orders?"
I didn't respond.
The weight in the air pressed against my chest.
"Would. You. Have. Followed. Their. Orders?" Her voice was edged with rising fury.
I looked down. Shame burned through me.
If today hadn't happened… if everything had gone as planned…
"ANSWER ME!"
The entire room trembled under the force of her command.
Tears blurred my vision as I whispered, "Yes."
Asteria’s lips curled. A wicked, knowing smile. "Would you have hurt us if they ordered you to?"
"Yes."
"Would you have killed us?"
"I—I don't know."
"Lie!" She slammed her hands down on the armrests. "Tell me the truth! Would you have hurt my daughter, my coven, if those bastards ordered you to?"
Something inside me snapped. My tail lashed wildly, my emotions spiraling into a storm.
"I REFUSE!" I roared, my voice raw with rage. "You have no idea what I went through. What they did to me! I was helpless! I was trapped! They locked me away! They broke me! And when I finally, finally saw a chance at freedom—you—YOU’RE JUST LIKE THEM! You don’t care about me! You just want to use me, just like they did!"
I could feel the weight of my own energy clashing violently with hers. My vision swam. I searched her eyes for anything—any sign of regret, of understanding.
But all I saw was greed.
No.
I could taste it in the air.
This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have trusted them. I shouldn’t have—
As thou wishest.
A voice, soft yet absolute, rang in my mind.
A burst of light.
A flicker of violet neblua.
My journal appeared before me, glowing like a dying star. The air around me shifted.
I reached for it, desperately—only to watch Asteria’s hands snatch it away in the final moment with a knowing smile.
Everything shattered.
Darkness swallowed me whole.
Then—chaos.
I was being pulled, flung in every direction, my body twisting and wrenching through space and time. Lights and shapes blurred together, rearranging themselves like a fractured kaleidoscope. My mind couldn’t process it.
Then—impact.
I hit the ground hard, breath knocked from my lungs.
The world around me steadied, and I found myself… somewhere else.
I staggered to my feet, heart hammering as my vision properly returned and a dark forest opened up to me.
"Where… am I?"
"A rather fitting place," a voice drawled.
Instinctively, I evaded—something. In a fluid motion, I pivoted, my body reacting before my mind could catch up. A hand had reached into the void, grasping at the space where I had stood just moments before. I turned, eyes widening in horror.
Him.
The same thing as my dreams. The whale-like rotting creature with his grotesque wooden jester mask and the impossibly long, fin-like tail. Only that I knew now that he was indeed real.
"The Professor," I spat.
"Oh? You know who I am? How delightful!" His voice oozed mockery, poison filling the air. "And I know who you are, Henry~"
"I'm not Henry!" I snarled.
The Professor laughed, "You can pretend all you want, but that thing you're wearing—it's not you. It's a corruption. A seed of betrayal they planted in your soul. You’re a puppet, Henry. Just waiting for them to pull the strings."
I froze. No. No, that wasn’t true. Was it? Did they know about the relic beforehand? Did Tara plan this? Did she… was she using me all along?
The Professor extended a hand, his voice dripping with false kindness. "Come here, Henry. I’m a friend. I can help you. Free you. Just trust me~"
My thoughts were drifting. Could he? Was this all a lie? Were they the ones who betrayed me? Maybe my father was right. Maybe I should just— No. A pulse. A ripple through my thoughts. Something was wrong, something wanted to influence me.
"The voice of a siren… " I muttered
The Professor clicked his tongue. "Tsk. Worth a try." His expression darkened. "Useless boy." His gaze flicked to something unseen. "But you…" he drooled, rubbing his hands.
A chill ran down my spine and before he could react, I ran. Ran for my life, ran from the people who wanted to use me, to betray me.
I was alone, I was hurting… and yet… I wanted to be with Tara. But I couldn’t.
She was like them, wasn’t she?
__________________
–Present–
I pushed Tara away just as she reached for me.
"LIAR!" My voice cracked, my throat raw, tears running down my face.
Tara froze, her expression shifting from shock to something far worse—understanding. My chest ached at the sight and my heart seemed to break.
"So it was true," I whispered, my voice barely holding together. "You used me. You brought me here for this. To steal from me, to betray me. All this time we spent together… fake."
"No!" Tara’s protest came sharp and desperate cry. "I didn’t know she would do this! I trusted her! I—I thought you were safe! I shouldn’t have left. But they all… they all—"
Her words broke apart into a strangled sob. And suddenly, I could taste her mess of emotions—chaotic, tangled, a reflection of my own. Anger. Betrayal. Grief.
And beneath it all… happiness.
Why? Why would she feel happiness?
"You… didn’t know?" I repeated her, my voice trembling.
"Of course not!" Tara responded angrily. "I would have stopped her! What she did was fucked up! And no one—NO ONE—tried to stop her! Asking you th-those questions—those accusations! She knew what they would do to you! She knew you wouldn’t be able to answer in a way that made you look innocent!"
My breath hitched, new tears welling up. "You’re… you’re telling the truth," I muttered.
Tara didn’t hesitate. She leaped forward, pulling me into a tight hug, nearly crushing me.
"Yes," she breathed. "Yes, my Lia. I’m telling the truth."
"W-why?" I barely managed to whisper against her shoulder.
Tara tightened her hold, burying her face into my neck. "Because I care about you. Because I care about you so so freaking much. Do you really think all the time we spent together in our dreams meant nothing to me? All the things we did? The jokes we cracked, the dumb conversations, the nights we stayed up too late?"
I blushed. A strange warmth spread through me, something I couldn’t name, something unfamiliar—but good. It made me feel safe. Whole.
Tara pulled back just enough to meet my eyes. Her hand cupped my cheek, her thumb brushing away my tears.
"I would never betray you. Never," she smiled.
A small smile also appeared on my lips. Her eyes… goddess, they were so beautiful. I could get lost in them forever.
I leaned into her touch. My tail flicked—
"Uh?"
Tara tilted her head, her expression soft. "Yes, Lia?"
I blinked, suddenly aware of something off.
"Why am I in my demon form… and you’re not?" I asked, slowly.
"Oh, I… didn’t notice," she started. Then, carefully, "Why? Does it feel wrong?"
"N-no," I admitted, shifting under her gaze. "It feels… right. It makes me feel… good."
Tara’s lips curved into a smirk. "You also look good~" she teased.
I made an unintelligible noise—"Ah. Ah. Ah."
She giggled. "Oh no, did I break you?"
"I—"
"Ooh, to be young again," came a voice from behind me.
Tara’s entire posture changed. She shoved me behind her in an instant, her stance shifting into something defensive.
"Matriarch," she hissed.
Asteria’s eyes gleamed with something unreadable.
"We need to talk."
