Michael Clark
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Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 451
🕑 Added 2024-11-03 21:20:07 +0000 UTCThe attendants to Lesser God Emperor Unca Varn were used to him receiving visions from the Old Gods. He would stare into space, mumbling to himself, conversing with unheard voices, and then shouting to show his dominance. They were unsure of what to make of his performance today, but it was highly entertaining to watch, and the throne room quickly filled with priests.
He was gleeful at first, praising the deeds of his favored foe-friend, Dammitbilly. But then the vision had shown him something that distressed him. Unca Varn was upset that the Gods had rewarded Dammitbilly but neglected to send his tithe. A message had been sent to Dammitbilly demanding the tithe, but as the priests had expected, it was refused. Lesser God Emperor Unca Varn then displayed the temper and shouting ability for which he was adored, yelling until he collapsed and had to be revived with powerful magic. Even then, his lips mumbled curses and dire warnings of revenge against Dammitbilly, delighting the priests.
Dammitbilly was a mighty Warrior-Priest of the ACME tribe who ruled the City of Gadobhra, a name known to every priest and lore keeper. Gadobhra ruled the northernmost section of the Wheel as Mazqorati ruled in the South. There had been much debate over how to place Dammitbilly in their hierarchy. Lesser God Emperor Unca Varn insisted he was Dammitbilly's superior, but the younger member of the tribe constantly challenged Lesser God Emperor Varn, to the point of open rebellion. The priests had rejoiced at this, it should never be easy to rule and only constant challenges kept a ruler at his sharpest. Dammitbilly did his best to irritate Unca Varn, even though it could lead to his death at the next meeting of the ACME tribe. They had decided that he must be a great Warrior-Priest, skilled in both combat and diplomacy. The ancient stories carved on the walls of the temple were very clear that Gadobhra was a city that took an iron will and bloody talons to rule.
Dammitbilly had won a mighty battle recently, one unprecedented in the history of the world and placing his tribe at the top of the pyramid. Of that, they were sure, for the Gods had sent him great gifts which Unca Varn desired and repeatedly demanded of Dammitbilly. Unca Varn had rejoiced that his tribe was raised high above all others, but jealous of the honor and gifts given to Dammitbilly. His attitude was everything the priests could hope for in a Lesser God Emperor. They decided that it was only proper to send a priest with an offering of gifts to Dammitbilly, to formally celebrate his victory. The old roads were treacherous, but a war party would clear the way. Appeasing Dammitbilly was a traditional move. By the next Sun's revolution, he might have usurped Unca Varn's position in the tribe of ACME.
As he did often, Unca Varn departed the mortal plane to speak with the spirits of the ACME tribe. In his absence, the priests ordered that all of the shiny metal bowls and decorations be taken away and replaced with newly carved teak wood. The heavy wood fared better when Unca Varn ranted and threw things, and the Great Emperor from the Stars had demanded that all 'Shinies' were his by divine right and should be gathered into his throneroom. All was made ready for Unca Varn's return after his communion with his tribe. The priests were certain it would be a good performance with much ranting.
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Far to the north, 'Dammitbilly' was having a wonderful day. First came a system message for him and Layla congratulating them on their recent victories.
The Army of the Emperor has been victorious over the forces of Winter in the opening battle of the war. Their forces are slain or running north in disarray, and a great Cyclone has been slain. While not present for the battle, your support of the war effort was an important part of the victory. In recognition of this, the Baron and Baroness of Gadobhra are each awarded 20 Enhancement points.
-Your reputation as a supporter and ally of the Legion has increased.
-Diplomatic Relations with Duchess Claudia of Wolfsburg have increased.
-Your efforts on the Empire's behalf have not gone unnoticed by Emperor Gustavus.
"Not bad for sending some loads of groats and a few wagons. What else did Ozzy sell her?" Layla was already looking for ways to spend those points.
"Everything we could. Ozzy said she wasn't picky and told him to be creative, and who am I to argue with a salesman who lands and customer like that? Groats, meat, blankets, wagons, sausage and bacon. Suzette cleaned out her bar and sent barrels of beer and wine made with her special recipes. And what general would turn down mobile catapults? I don't know what 'special ammunition' was, but they sold her a bunch of it. There's even charges on the invoice for tacos and coffee service."
"Now we just have to get the Empire to pay up. We've got a general's word that they'll pay fast, but we may have to apply some leverage."
Billy agreed with her, invoices were nice, but gold was better. His thoughts were interrupted by another message that made the day even better.
Your Arcane University has completed the major achievement of constructing a Tier 5 Teleportation stone. Your petition to activate and link the stone to the teleport network has been approved in record time! Travel to and from active teleportation stones in the rest of the Empire is now possible. Gadobhra is rewarded with 7500 Building Points. Sedgewick is rewarded 2500 Building Points.
-An invoice for 40 heavy wagons, thirty wagonloads of supplies, five blessed catapults, special ammunition, blankets, coffee service, taco service, and the services of contract workers has been approved for payment at any Royal Gnomish Bank.
-The Royal Gnomish Bank of Gadobhra is now open for business.
The corporate announcement followed immediately after that. Billy grinned as he read it, "Damn, this day is getting better and better. Let's go shake hands with the crazy professors and visit the bank to cash in that invoice and make a deposit."
Layla was thinking of all the dungeon loot sitting in storage. "We need to spend those building points and set up a larger magic item shop. We can be selling for real money by the end of the week." A happy thought occurred to her, "Oh my, Vern is going to blow a gasket."
"Good point. Let me get my bowling ball and we can watch for a few minutes."
A minute later they were sipping their drinks and watching the Uncle Vern Show through the crystal ball in his throne room. He was in fine form today as he went through the announcements and then used the corporate screen to fire off messages to Billy. Billy and Layla worked together to send back messages that alternated between denying what he was talking about and defying any of his attempts to claim their building points, in-game money, or real-world sales. It only took five minutes of goading him until Vern collapsed on his throne, wheezing, and left the game.
"Damn, I think we almost gave him a heart attack. Did you get his last message?" The system charged them for using the corporate email system. It told Billy how upset Vern was that he'd sent so many messages directly within the game when he could have just called for a meeting in the first place.
"About a meeting at the corporate offices with part of the Board? Yes, and not something we can avoid. But at least we can get his blood pressure up in person."
"Something to look forward to. But first, let's go toast the professors and meet the new banker.
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Vern was sitting and fuming several hours later when Billy and Layla walked in the door wearing matching outfits in black and red. Layla was dressed to kill in a floor-length black gown that shimmered as she moved. Billy had chosen a double-breasted black suit with a red satin shirt and black tie with a flame motif that was echoed by the trim on Layla's dress. Both of them were looking and feeling better than they had in ages thanks to the long weeks they were spending in their pods. The two of them took seats at the opposite end of the table from where Vern sat with his flunkies, an ACME corporate lawyer and two people from the HR department.
"About time, Billy. You've wasted a lot of our time already, we have a lot of work to do."
Layla smiled at Billy and nodded, ceding him the discussion for now. Billy took his time to look around the room at each person, sizing up the competition. "I agree, time is being wasted and there is a lot of important work to do. So let's get this dog and pony show on the road." He pointed at the lawyer."Martin, isn't it? Still working for Vernon, I see. Why don't we start with you since you're fidgeting so much? HR loves to bat clean up, they can wait."
The lawyer stood up. "Mr. Korvacs, it's been brought to our attention that pending contracts with other corporations could be affected by your actions. Specifically, it gives us strategic opportunities to bring increased profits to ACME corporation on an accelerated timetable. Mr. Throckmorton has already negotiated profitable contracts with several corporations that were only waiting upon part of the approval process from the game administrators. He acknowledges your contribution and is generously willing to give you credit for your aid in moving things along. If you'd please sign these papers, we'll complete the work on our end, earning you and Miss Vanderglilt a large bonus at the end of this quarter, and a smaller bonus in the following three quarters. I need your signatures on pages 1, 37, 49 and 62." He pushed two sets of contracts along with gold pens to each of them. Billy and Layla looked through the pages quickly and picked up the pens. Everyone relaxed and smiled.
Then Layla and Billy laughed, dropped the pens, and sat down. Billy lit a cigar, ignoring the 'no smoking' rule. Layla sneered at the people at the other end of the table. "What sort of idiots do you take us for? A measly quarterly bonus?! I'm insulted because you aren't even trying!"
The lawyer shrugged, his part done. HR was next. "In that case, we'll be filing complaints with the board. Mr. Throckmorton's long-term contracts with Nile Books, Famco, and other corporations will bring in millions of dollars each quarter and your failure to be team players is costing ACME that income. And you should know by now, that the bottom line is more important than a couple of managers."
Vern leaned forward with greed in his eyes. "You don't know what you're up against, Billy, I have Nile Books drooling at the idea of doing business in the global marketplace. I've converted two pyramids for their use and I'm opening trade roads to bring in their people and start hauling out the treasure troves I've assembled. Earning in-game money like you've been doing is chicken feed compared to what I bring to the table now. The next step is pivoting to the game making real money. I just need you to set up whatever it is that you've done to open up Gadobhra. Don't forget, I could just order you to do it, Billy. I have seniority."
"Seniority counts for shit Vern, when I'm about to pour money into the bottom line. I'll believe your stories about treasure troves when they show up. You're in the ass end of the continent, and a long way from civilization. But sure, I'll help out. What level of bank do you have? How good is your Teleporter? Get me some specifics and I can help you get set up."
"I'm building a road to the nearest teleporter. I just need a bank. Twist some arms and have the gnomes or Ewoks or whoever it is running yours to come south. Tell them I have a ballroom full of gold to put into their vault. I'm sure that will get them moving."
Billy considered whether Vern was bluffing. "Show me the contract with Nile."
The Lawyer stiffened but Vern smiled, sensing Billy weakening. "It doesn't matter. After all, Billy will be part of the team working with Nile now. I'll have bigger things to do." Two copies were handed over and the room went silent as they read through the numbers. Layla sighed, "Sorry, Billy. You have to handle them on your own."
Billy stared daggers at her, "Really? You'd do this to me?"
"You know me Billy, and should have expected it." She got up and left the room.
"So, what's it going to be Billy? Step back under my wing and get to work for the glory of ACME, or lose everything when the board kicks you to the curb."
"Geez, Vern, and after all the time we've been together? And shit, this contract is harsh. You want control of Gadobhra and everything I've built up. Sure, you'll move up and I'll get it back, but not with the control I have now. It's going to take some convincing. Tell me how the hell you built up your city so quickly and got all that gold. Make me see how this is a deal I can stomach."
Everyone relaxed. They were moving past defiance and bluster into the face-saving phase with the fiction that Billy would let himself be convinced and Vern would accept him back into his old position. Vernon was happy to explain the brilliant moves he'd made, out-maneuvering the locals and winning them over. How long he'd be going, no one would ever know, as Layla came back into the room, talking on her phone.
"Sounds good, lovely to talk to you. Billy and I will be glad to show you around and we'll iron out the details. Bring an appetite, we have a chef who makes a mean rack of ribs. Ta ta."
She smiled smugly at Billy. "All set up."
Billy was still grumpy, "You stole the fun part while I had to sit here and listen to Vern tell me all about what he's doing down south."
"Just like old times, isn't it?"
Vernon had had enough, "What the hell is going on?"
Billy leaned back as Layla smiled at Vern, "Oh, just talking with a potential business partner. You're contract is chicken feed, Vern. You have no idea how buying and selling in Genesis works or how difficult it is to gain real estate with both a teleporter and a Gnomish bank. Your long-term contract ignores the fact that Nile Books are too cheap, and Bobo knows that. He'll eventually earn what he needs, but it could take years. He wants to be in business now and be ahead of all his competition. He'll pay a fortune in the short term and nothing in the long term. He won't need ACME then. But we can make him pay through the nose right now."
Vern screamed at her. "You're turning down tens of millions of dollars."
Layla yelled back, slamming her hand on the table for emphasis, "And making a Billion. Do the math Vern."
"A Billion?"
"One Billion real dollars each quarter for the next five years. In return, he gets real estate in Gadobhra and can start moving in by the end of the week. He's coming by for dinner tomorrow. So is our banker."
Billy stood up and took her arm, "I'd say something rude, Vern, but you might actually have all that gold, and that would be useful. Let me know when you're ready to ship it all north. I'm going to be busy with a lot of stuff, but I've got people who can very fast when they need to." They turned to leave.
"No, I'm not letting this go so easily!" Vern's face was red and moving to purple. One of the HR people was on the phone demanding a medical technician.
Layla smiled at him, "Sorry Vernon, the Board is hosting a small social event in three minutes for us, and you're not invited." The Baron and Baroness of Gadobhra sauntered out of the room as two men with a stretcher ran up the corridor and the sound of Vern screaming echoed through the building.
Comments
Heather White
Poor Vern. He’s not enjoying the Billy and Layla show as much as he used to. But we are.
Heather White
And hopefully for him to learn that he’s the Lesser God.
Engineer4God
Tank oo fur da chap!
Ormus Von Orbulon
The place underground was Bloth. We see an interlude in Tunnel Rat that gives some insight. And no, I'm pretty sure not even Damian is maniacal enough to even vaguely consider anything to do with it, much less McFargleville
Corwin Amber
thanks for the chapters 'can very fast' <- missing a word
Douglas
I mean they did show all eight of the circle city's during when Billy was talking with the witch and the dragon was teleporting and I don't think any are more north than gabbodabra, but there some places that they may like such as rolly in the desolation of typhon the place full of monsters, and there was also a underground industrial/engineer place that may be good for Ben, and if they want they can always invade the place that's ingested with a star spawn
MadRat
Thx for this delicious chappie of unca Vern 👍👏👏
Peter Jørgensen
DammitBilly the Demon Baron that Dammit
Ender419
Love this chapter! My favorite line was friend-foe DammitBilly, have to love the simplicity behind that title & name. Would be cool if Ozzy & the gang find something similar to what Vern has but in the northern regions possibly related to the Norse people and the aborigines of North America.
Daniel Zellmer
Assuming he survives the next chapter, I’m eagerly anticipating his meeting with his co-God emperor
Mr
Uncle Vern, never disappoints… Keep on being greedy without understanding the system you’re in…
Dudedorey
Oh Vern. How were you in a medical pod and still in this bad of shape? Were you getting out just to scoff down steak sugar and cigars? What am I saying, of course you were…
Aaron Hathaway
Tftc
