Michael Clark
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Butcher of Gadobhra Chapter 469
🕑 Added 2024-12-31 03:00:34 +0000 UTCHad fun with this one.
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Ricardo was trying to come up with a day that had sucked worse than this one but was drawing a blank. Granting, his thinking process had a lot of distractions right now, like seeing one of his teammates slowly lowered head first into a grinder. The whole group was trussed up with twine and hanging from a slowly moving conveyor belt. They'd watched as carcass after carcass was fed into the mechanical grinder while a dozen minions and the Boss watched on. The only consolation was that this was a game, and what had happened in real life had been worse: No one he knew had ever come back from Nebraska.
He was still digging for the details of what had gone down between Billy and Vern, but most of his sources had dried up. Word got around and suddenly it wasn't healthy to be talking to him, lest whatever bad had happened be contagious. HR was unhelpful. He was being transferred to Nebraska as Vice President Throckmeyer's personal assistant and trainer. Vernon was on a strict diet, exercise program, and therapy for several ailments that had to do with age, eating poorly, and never moving from a comfortable chair if he didn't have to. It was bluntly explained to him that if VP Throckmeyer didn't return from Nebraska, neither would he. That was a good amount of incentive to keep his boss on the path of recovery. Being given authority over his boss was odd, but everyone knew that Vern wasn't going to exercise or turn down extra deserts unless forced to. For the next few weeks or months, he was tied to the old man. He ate with Vern, exercised with Vern, slept when Vern slept, and was in his pod when Vern was online.
That was the part that gave him hope: Vern was needed in the game. Surprisingly, he was as well. That had been his second hellish meeting of the day: an interview with the Baron and Baroness of Gadobhra who were also his new bosses at ACME. It had been congenial at first. They'd inquired about his health, how much he liked working at ACME, and where he saw himself in five years. He'd given all the right answers. And was surprised when they laughed.
"Cut the shit, kid. Those are bullshit questions that get bullshit answers. You don't 'Hope to work to your full potential at ACME and learn from your mentors', you want to crush them, move up the ladder, and get paid ten times as much. You wouldn't have survived this long if you didn't. So let's start over. What are the most important rules in our new relationship?"
Ricky blinked twice, then answered. "Rule 1: The bottom line is all that counts. Rule 2: No mercy. Rule 3: See rule 1."
Layla clapped, "Good job. Some people never seem to understand how simple that is."
Billy poured wine and handed him a glass. It was very good wine, and Ricky wondered how the hell he could even tell good from bad in the game. Then he waited for Billy or Layla to talk.
"There's a few things you can take away from those rules, but here's one that isn't talked about a lot. I'm sure you'll understand the concepts, you game with Willy. While the bottom line matters, it isn't a Zero Sum Game. A department that does great doesn't see only the manager go up the ladder, everyone goes up. So while I can't promise loyalty, I will promise I'm going to do my damndest to make the most profit for ACME and give all of us a chance to get promoted. Me and my lovely Baroness first, of course, but you can do good by riding my coattails. Now, any questions? What do you need to know? Things are moving fast and you probably don't have people you can talk to right now."
"Well, first off, what the hell happened? I'm heading to Nebraska with Vern, and working with you here."
"Not complicated. You were working for Vern and doing a decent job. I liked how you figured out that the lizards act like a corporation. Then, after Vern sent you to spy on me, he got lucky and found the lizard's golden hoard, and then unlucky when they found a new God Emperor who seems to be a Dragon. And yes, the emphasis on the word 'Dragon' is intentional. No euphemism. Huge, wings, claws, a tail, bad breath, and an ego the size of the moon. Vern's been kicked out. I knew you were spying all along, but you'd barely got started. You're game-savvy and might be worth salvaging, so I moved you on the org chart."
"So, I work for you now, in the game and out."
"Exactly. In Nebraska, you keep the old man alive and get him better. In the game, you'll be doing the same. I'm moving Vern up to Gadobhra where we are going to turn him into a lean, mean, lesser God-Emperor. Did you ever see his damned class? He gets +1 to all his stats at every level plus two free points! He could be a powerhouse if he ever gets past Level 0."
"What? That's insane!"
"I know, Baron Only gives me +1 to four stats and a free point. Life isn't fair. But after we get the old boy a half-dozen levels, he, you, and a small army of mercs are going back to the South and start a small guerilla war against the lizards. Don't worry, Vern won't be in charge, and you'll still have power over him. We need him sitting on that palanquin and making speeches. The professionals will do the planning and the fighting. How's that sound?"
"Hellish. I'm going to be with Vern in-game and out!"
Layla couldn't help but shudder at the thought of that. Occasionally dealing with Vern had been bad enough. "It will be, but we have a little reward for you to make up for some of it. You're working double shifts for the next three months, and possibly beyond that. We've worked a deal with HR where you are also working two jobs at ACME and will get paid for both. You'll go through hell, but you get twice the pay. We asked for overtime, but that was just to see how hard HR laughed at the idea."
Ricky hadn't expected anything of the sort, although he'd already thought about trying to hit HR up for overtime. He also knew how much of a longshot that would have been. "Double pay sounds good. Thank you."
"Glad you approve. And since Vernon won't be in Gadobhra for a couple of weeks, we're letting you grind some levels here in our lovely dungeons. Handle it with your group however you want, but you can hit the Ghouls, the Dance, and the Pit as much as you want, on the house. We'll supply basic weapons and leather armor until you get back on your feet. Make the most of it, because once Vern gets here, you'll be his personal escort to the Bunny Burrow."
Ricky had left with mixed feelings to find his group and convince them to head back to the Pit and only have to pay half the normal amount in entrance fees. Things had gone well...until they hadn't. The last carcass had been chewed up, the conveyor belt moved forward, and Swiftfoot went headfirst into the whirling blades of the grinder. The minions cheered and Grinder laughed in a deep voice, "Everything is Sausage! Looks like salami is back on the menu, boys!"
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The screams echoed in the pit and were heard by Ben and Squirmie.
"Is there another group in here? That doesn't sound like fighting."
<No, that is the sound of a prey-beast who has not accepted their place in the great wheel of life. Squirmie has heard such screams many times. It's always confusing. What is to understand? Some eat, and some are eaten.>
Ozzy was just finishing the work of stuffing the remains of another meaty daemon into his bag. They'd killed six so far, and only been in danger when two attacked at once. As frightening as the things were, they were still roughly the party's level and not a challenge for a group. Their Butchering and Demon-Slaying skills added to their raw damage and the fights were over quick.
"We can head that way. I wouldn't mind a bit of a challenge. We're getting some experience, but not much."
Suzette rolled her eyes at him, "You should know by now not to give the game a challenge."
The Butcher grinned, "What can I say? After fighting an Ice Devil, everything else seems tame."
From behind them came a blood-curdling roar of a hungry beast denied too many dinners and the sound of heavy feet pounding on the stone floors as it charged in their direction.
Rolly had a puzzled look on his face, "That sounds like...a dog? Sort of? Not saying much other than it's hungry."
They sorted themselves into their normal positions with Ozzy in front. He took the opportunity to get bigger and brace himself. The creatures rounded the corner, literally, scraping against the stonework and shearing off the pieces that got in its way. It did look something like a dog if a dog was the size of a bull elephant and made out of jagged shards of bone tied together with sinew and intestines. It stopped to howl again, and a little of the fear effect made it through their protections. Most players would be paralyzed with fear for a few seconds, as the creature charged. It hit Ozzy doing thirty miles an hour as it launched itself at him. The Butcher found himself driven back, even after bracing. Ben and Suzette dove out of the way, not wanting to be pinned between Ozzy and the wall. Rolly slashed at the creature's sides, leaving deep scratches but not penetrating the bones. They were good bones and Rolly had seen them before.
"Hey, remember that pen full of really tough critters we fought a couple of weeks ago? The ones with the unbreakable bones?"
Ben did, one of the Bonebreaker Goats had hit him hard enough to knock him a hundred feet through the air and into a wall, breaking most of his ribs. "Unfortunately, I do. Didn't we end up tossing them all down the whole when we couldn't separate their bones?"
"Yep, those are the ones. Guess what this thing is made of?"
Ozzy didn't have to guess, he was holding apart a pair of jaws with 18" teeth made from sharpened rib bones. "I'm staring at its insides, and it doesn't have much soft stuff, and the damned thing is as strong as I am!"
"It should be! Look at the damned thing!"
Hungry Dog Level 20 Elite Bone Construct (Increased Strength, Highly Resistant to Physical Damage, Extra Hungry)
Lovingly created by Oink and sent to you with love. Make sure your new pet gets lots of exercise!
Suzette double-cast with her staff. Where the spells hit, the ribs blackened and crumbled. "Magic hurts it. Hit it with fire, Ben." As soon as she could, she hit it twice more, burning her mana fast, but doing damage.
Rolly concentrated on the thin strands of super-tough sinew holding the bones together, while Squirmie tore into the side Suzette had hit four times. Four small cleavers chopped until there was a hole and she darted inside, looking for a weak spot. She came back out a moment later, disgusted. <Nothing to eat inside of it. There's a glowing chunk of bone inside its skull, but I can't damage it! This is cheating!>
The Dog was shaking its head back and forth and pawing at Ozzy, trying to loosen his grip on its fangs. Frustrated, it spun, taking the Butcher with it and slamming him into Rolly as Squirmie dove aside. Suzette maneuvered to get another shot at the same side, hitting it twice more. "Squirmie, make that hole bigger! Take out the blackened areas as I hit it."
Ozzy lost his grip and the dog threw him to the floor, and before he could get up, chomped down on his back and chest. The teeth drove through the Butcher's apron with ease and into his flesh. "Ben! Heal me up, it thinks I'm a chew toy!" The dog romped around the room, trying to run over Rolly, all the while bearing down on Ozzy who was bleeding steadily and losing hundreds of health a second. He tried punching it and only hurt his hand. His Butcher's breath didn't hurt it and he couldn't concentrate to focus heat. Rolly grabbed hold of Ozzy's legs and began healing him.
The dog was getting annoyed at Suzette and charged her, but became confused as her shadow disappeared. It whined and slammed Ozzy and Rolly onto the floor, annoyed that it couldn't get the Butcher down its throat. Suzette darted from the shadows and dove through the hole in its ribs. Putting Sun Blessed Staff of Evergreen directly against it, she cast her spell four times until it blackened and crumbled. Hungry Dog slumped to the ground. Ozzy and Rolly were able to free him from the jaws, but he was still bleeding badly. Rolly channeled his stamina into him until Suzette could begin bandaging and casting Triage.
"Ben? Need some help here, your healing is better than mine."
<Squirmie does not see the nestmate with the nice hat. Squirmie also smells...strange sausage.>
Somewhere, further into the dungeon, Ben woke up and found himself bound hand and foot with strings of sausage and layers of intestines. He tried to yell but someone pushed a hard piece of pepperoni into his mouth. He remembered something hitting him from behind, stunning him, and then the smell of...flowers?
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"Steal my meat, will you? Then I'm going to grind you up, one by one along with the others! Need to get you ground up good, spiced, and hung up to dry. The boss has a hankering for some good Droge wurst!"
Ben found himself hung upside down, spinning in place next to another two people, similarly tied up and gagged. As he spun, he saw the imposing site of a Butcher bigger than Ozzy and twice as wide. At his side was a two-handed cleaver over six feet long.
Grinder reached out and pinched his thigh. "Yeah, some good meat on you. Fine sausage meat."
Comments
LinkRue
This chapter isn't in your Bucher of G collection. It just skips from 468 to 470
Tim Nash
“Putting Sun Blessed Staff of Evergreen directly against it, she cast her spell four times until it blackened and crumbled” What exactly is ‘it’ in this sentence? I am guessing she is hitting the glowing rock in its skull as she dove inside the dog and the glowing rock was mentioned earlier- but that’s not very clear.
Tim Nash
“Didn't we end up tossing them all down the whole” should end with ‘hole’ not ‘whole’
Engineer4God
Tank oo fur da chap!
MadRat
Thx for the chappie 👍👏👏
Kensai
It’s time for Mad Science! A Franklin, a machine, strange meats and exotic spices. The third most popular truism in Genesis is ”Never go against a Franklin when Death is on the line!” I see competition between a sentient smokehouse and an Autonomous Sausage Factory Mark I coming soon. All the sausage factory needs is wheels to take the show on the road. It would be the perfect meat-based Roomba wandering monster to keep the Pit tidy. Adventurers go in one side, tasty links out the other side. Even better, if it consumes a butcher, it can access their skills, like chain drag, meat hook, etc. An unholy mixture of technology and meat, Damien will be proud.
Felix H.
Kidnapping Ozzy's friends? Boy oh boy, we might get the rare fun of Ozzy getting angry. Fun for us....not so fun for the pit i assume
Findell
I guess its good to have a dungeon they are unable to steamroll but stealing someone to the point of dissapearing in the middle combat seems a bit on the high end.
Exrotes
And now we get to find out if Ricardo knows about Ben as one of Billy's elite Workers or if his spying has him known as a valiant paladin and courier working for Diego or if he knows Ben works for Billy but assumes he's one of the elite mercenaries like the scouts and McTeeth.
The El Bandito
Hrmmm. A conveniently placed giant sausage making machine appears soon after our team decides they need a sausage factory. I look forward to the extravagant modifications our team of mad scientists and engineers make to this monstrous machine.
NameGame
Typical Franklin, can't stay on task, and disappears when you have actual work for them. Figures. Thanks for the chapter!
Jeremy Young
Thanks for the chapter.
