This is Suze
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45.
🕑 Added 2021-09-23 14:19:21 +0000 UTCThat was the night where Anna discovered that Daniel would never have a relationship with her. It’s hardly surprising I was confused, she thought, after he was all excited to see me, introducing me to his parents and friends telling them “this is my best friend” whilst grabbing my ass and kissing me. It didn’t last. Temporary infatuation. Men like this fall in love easily. The next day it will be a double vaccinated Italian schoolgirl with questionable shoes and the next, some acoustic musician with big eyes and typically dyed hair. Then he goes and buys me a beautiful bracelet. With his hot and cold approach Anna began to wonder, turning over the box in which the bracelet came, maybe he bought it for someone else and it was lying about the house and he wanted to return the favour of buying me a bracelet as I had done him? She hated how a really beautiful moment that had made her feel so special and loved became doubt and insecurity. she hated to doubt him, but his attachment to secrecy and lies made it hard for her to trust him no matter how hard she loved him and longed for him to come correct.
“I am such a hopeless romantic dreamer” Anna reflected. “When he bought that gift I thought it was the start a big romance! Getting the truth out of men like this is not exactly an easy feat. I literally have no idea when he’s telling the truth. He could look me in the eye and tell me a lie with no hesitation or guilt. Whatever best serves his purposes.”
Tonight Daniel was clearly not infatuated. That ship had sailed. Nor was he interested in Anna’s thoughts or feelings.
“Good to know.” Anna thought. “I shall keep both to myself in future. I vow never to share anything personal with him again, after all, the intention in sharing ourselves deeply with another human is to build intimacy, right?”
Anna had believed that when Daniel shared the very personal details of his private life with her, including all of the explosive drama between him and his soon to be ex wife and family was his way of creating intimacy. How could she be sure he didn’t share this with all the other girls he fooled around with?
Daniel made it very clear that tonight she was nobody special. No better or worse than any other woman. A 180 degree turn from the “you’re not like other women, you’re strong, you’re a warrior, you’re on another level” comments he made when he first met her. Guys like this love bombed when they first meet, to get girls like Anna, starved of affection and full of love, all excited, pumping up their ego, seducing them with words they long to hear from a tall, handsome cup of a hunk like Daniel. Each moment would leave them with a full cup. Yet she soon learned that making comparisons between women was his favourite game. One that left her cup half empty every time.
Daniel had begged Anna to attend a party at his Villa. She had gone silent on him after another attack from him left her angry and injured. It took her four and a halfs days to recover and she did not want to speak to him. Once she had recovered, her heart filled with love and compassion for him and she was happy to hear from him. She received his invitation with enthusiasm, dashing to the shower, knowing the perfect red dress for the occasion and spruced herself up. Tonight is a red dress night, she thought. I am going to rock up beautiful and perfect. She didn't know whether it was the dress but more likely a mixture of silence followed by her calm breeziness in a red dress that provoked such excitement from Daniel. She had not seen him like this since the first time they met. She wanted to feel like this all the time. He was like an excited boy "I am going to introduce you to my parents!" he told her dragging her by the arm to rush her into the party. He introduced her to his friends "This is my best friend!" he announced. OK, Anna thought, now I'm his best friend. She didn't mind, she liked it. To her at this stage it was just as good as girlfriend. He was saying, this is the person i like most. That's how kids introduce the friend they like the most, this is my best friend. Anna loved Daniel when he was in his boyish innocence, it was him at his sweetest and most loving and she found him adorable. He kissed her fully with tongues, she felt so alive with his excitement for her. He was not afraid to show it. It was like he wanted to announce to the world that he loved her and it was an unexpected and beautiful surprise. She introduced herself to the guests, worried that there would be competition, but found none. Only really wonderful women to talk to who she vibed with immediately. Actually, the party was relatively small. Good, Anna thought, I really can't afford to be played tonight. Anna was relieved that tonight Daniel was not interested in games, not interested in competition, he was just interested in her.
"She's ten out of ten, don't you agree?" he said to no one in particular. In fact the guy he was talking to was clearly off his head on drinks or drugs or both, so it really didn't matter, but Daniel seemed to need everyones approval.
After a night of fun and dancing, they were lying in bed together laughing at the boom boom boom of the base bouncing from the DJ below them, when Daniel heard a familiar angry voice that had him jumping out of his bed and pulling his skinny jeans up over his legs so fast by the time his ex wife had climbed up to the bedroom, he was already at the door.
Anna remained where she was, naked on the bed with a skimpy blanket pulled to her chin. “YOU HAVE ANOTHER WOMAN IN YOUR DAUGHTER’S BED?“ The ex wife screamed. “GO SLEEP WITH YOUR SIXTY FOUR YEAR OLD BOYFRIEND!” Daniel screamed back at her, matching her volume and tone. Anna could tell he was enjoying himself and that the shock and fear he had felt at first with her unexpected arrival had quickly transformed into a game he wanted to play. Up for a challenge he decided to play this event to his advantage and really land a punch.
Their house was only shared due to a request from the courts to keep the house as a matrimonial base for the children, and therefore both partners were entitled to live there. Daniel had shied away from the house, living like a martyr on the beach in a tent for two years, but had started to return to claim his stake in the villa which he owned.
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE” the woman screamed towards Anna.. “Stay where you are Anna” Daniel ordered.
“Well, it’s his house, I was invited, and I know none of this business, I live on another island and it must be two in the morning, so where am I going to go even if I wanted to?" Anna thought quickly to herself.
Anna didn’t know exactly why she knew, but somehow she knew instinctively that her role here was to protect Daniel from this woman. Somewhere deep inside her she knew that her reason for being here was more than to be celebrated and adored in front of Daniel’s friends, or for each other to be reconciled after five days of silence, this was why she was here. To help Daniel get his foot back in his own front door and stake his claim to his villa.
Anna saw Daniel as her Divine counterpart. She was aware enough to know that thoughts like these would be interpreted as the immature musings of a woman still lost in romantic high school fantasies. Anna knew otherwise. She knew that she was on a mission here on Earth, and she had been distracted from her mission because of all the harm that had been done to her. She had spent so much of her life warding off bad energies and recovering from people’s psychic attacks. This woman reminded Anna of her mother. Intrusive, unbalanced and out of control. Daniel and the woman screamed back and forth at each other, taunting each other with hatred. Wow, to have this much anger, Anna reflected later, they must have really had so much love for each other at one time. There was still energy there, but Anna knew as did the ex, that those days were long gone. All the ex needed to do was admit defeat and accept that it was over. Too much damage had been done for them to reconcile.
“YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN YOUR DAUGHTER’S BEDROOM!”she shouted “SHE’S SMART AND YOU ARE STUPID!” Daniel screamed back, smugly. Anna took it all in. Daniel was growing in courage as Anna remained there undisturbed. Rooted in her power and in her right to be there. The ex left the room to go and find others to scream at
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!” She cried down the stairs and out into the party. Daniel ran after her “STAY WHERE YOU ARE. THIS IS MY HOUSE” The partygoers were torn between the right thing to do, but most honoured Daniel’s request. They too somehow knew they were needed to stay there. Busy with the guests downstairs, the ex ran up the stairs and opened the door on Anna.
“YOU’RE STILL HERE MELA?” Mela was a Maltese word which meant everything and nothing at the same time. For a while Anna had thought it was Italien, and wondered why the locals here went around saying apple all the damn time, until she learned it was a Maltese expression that could literally mean anything depending on the tone which one gave it.
The ex was right up in Anna’s face, staring at her. Anna feared that she would come rushing away and pull away her blanket from her, exposing her body. The two of them seemed to know telepathically that this thought must have rushed through the woman's mind, but she didn’t. Anna stared back, not saying a word.
‘Do you realise you are sleeping in his daughters bedroom?” Anna stared back without a word
The ex went in for another kill
“You’re DISGUSTING” Still Anna didn’t move, didn’t say a word.
The ex left the room only to return a minute later
“Do you have children?” Anna looked into her eyes, without saying a word “You’ll NEVER have children” spat the ex with as much venom as she could muster.
Anna remained unmoved. Barely a ripple of energy waved over her body. Anna impressed herself with her strength and courage. She had rarely experienced this before. A deep knowing of her purpose, her raison d’être was clearer than ever to her, but nothing needed to be said or spoken. She could feel it inside. Anna had a sense that what she was doing here was more than Daniel would ever comprehend. Anna stood by his side, as partner, as fierce protector, as Divine counterpart, and in her silence she conveyed everything that the ex wanted to know. Daniel had met with the Divine. He had found the real Divine Feminine that all these years he had mistaken to be his ex, the karmic. Had the karmic trapped him, or had she simply sold herself to greed? Or had greed been her intention all along? Daniel was devastated and heart broken. Not a betrayal a man could easily escape from. Anna knew that only unconditional love could save him, but he resisted the call. This night would go down in history between them.
Failing to get the reaction she craved, or scare everyone away from the party, the ex skulked up to bed. Daniel was charged full of energy and power from having a woman by his side who lay there dodging bullets from his very frightening and intimidating ex. He was eastatic! He kept going over the events with his friends, reliving the battle. His stake was finally in the ground after two years, and he was on his way to claiming his home back.
Anna and Daniel returned to the party, too energised to sleep.
Anna had surprised and impressed herself the way she had dodged the bullets of the karmic. She felt like Neo from the Matrix.
Many nights had passed since the victory of the villa party and Daniel had remained hot and cold towards Anna. His tune has changed from worshipping Anna and being proud to have her by his side to snarling “You and me will never be in a relationship” The words hurt like salt to her already deep wounds of rejection and abandonment.
Recently before the bracelet gift, Daniel had invited Anna to Mexico. She was so excited it was an instant yes! He had been trying to be honest with her about his addiction for women. He casually and tactlessly slipped into conversation a week later that he had also invited another woman, a singer “Maybe we can have a threesome” he winked jokingly.
Anna could feel the shock rising in her system, but she said nothing. She needed the shock to land and permeate before she could take it in enough to respond.
This other woman was an acoustic singer with big eyes like hers and typically dyed hair. Anna had too many questions she knew would never be answered. Had he been messaging this woman behind her back? Was the bracelet just one of those apology gifts, softening her up for his confession? Suddenly their romantic trip for two, or even two good friends traveling the world together didn’t feel as much fun. He wanted to invite his best male friend as well. Anna thought, how foolish men are! If he had introduced this change in a more subtle way….”Hey, I was thinking, Mexico is not the safest place to go to with just two. How about we go as a group? You met my friend Bert? And there’s this singer I know. She’s nice and I think you girls would get along” But no. Just “Maybe we’ll have a threesome” We haven’t even made love properly Anna thought, and you want to invite other women in? Greed did not just stop with money. Anna realised that her Divine masculine had some very undivine traits and addictions. He later made out that she was taking things way too seriously and that he was only joking. She knew he wasn't, that he was just letting her know what he wanted and that he had control and her preferences didn't even come into it. After all she didn't have the budget to be anything other than a beggar.
Could she live with his vices? Could she accept other women into the equation? She knew in time she would be up for exploring their sexuality. She had done play parties before and been surprised that being the centre of attention on a kitchen island over ice, with three others whilst one watched really turned her on.
She knew that unconditional love meant loving all the things about a person, but Anna stopped him in his tracks when he went to compare her qualities against the other singer "The reason she is better than you..." he bgan but was stopped in his tracks when Anna said "I don't want to know. I am not interested in being compared against other women"
" I know it really is just a fleeting comment that will last as long as his infatuation, and yet will stick with me long after his infatuation for his new crush has passed. I choose to preserve myself. I know my worth and I do not need to be compared against another woman. I am not an object, except to Danial. I also know that when I am in his good books he will be saying why I am better than her. I don’t need to know and I certainly don’t need to compete with other women."
He came over to hers to “work” which usually means to come eat dinner, drink wine, have sex, chat and chill. But tonight he actually wanted to work and the softness had disappeared.
When I say the softness had disappeared, I mean all of it, not a trace left. He looked me in the eye several times and made it clear I mean nothing to him. To him I am just someone to rescue, in support of his God complex so he can feel like the Messiah, rescuing young musicians from a life of doom, gloom and invisibility. I tried to point out that I never asked him to rescue me, therefore technically I have nothing to be grateful for, but try telling that to a man’s ego. Better to let them believe you are indebted to them, because that is what they think anyway. In the past I would have fought for my share of the profits, but this time, I am simply not interested. I will fight for nothing. I will perform and that is it. I am comfortable with my humble life and after the tours and the traveling I will return to it. I will keep my private life separate from his. He can fuck whom he pleases, I shall not bat an eyelid. I know I am an emotional alchemist. I can handle whatever he throws at me. "
Anna was disappointed to discover that a man instead of valuing her contribution to his life, was jealously competing with her and trying to keep her under control, just the way her entire family had. Raise you up, shoot you down, raise you up, shoot you down, just enough to keep you where they want you. Not too successful, never more than them, and not too low that you would be an embarrassment. Anna could see the cycle and presence of narcisstic and controlling relationships in her life was on its way out, but she could see that there was still some way to go, before these energy vampires would get the message that she wasn't playing ball anymore.
